Is this PPD, anxiety, depression or something else? LONG
NewlyWeds13
member
My son is 9 months old. I have been really worried about him getting sick from teh beginning. I am a working mom, so I did a nanny for that reason (not to get him exposed to so many germs). I am still breastfeeding... again for same reason, as to hope to get his immune system up.
All was going well until almost 4 weeks ago. My nanny's neice was staying with her during their spring break and she needed to bring her (she is 8) to our house. I asked if she was sick and she was fine. Well... of course she somehow was sick and DS got sick that Wednesday (after the little girls was with him since Monday). It will be 4 weeks on this Wednesday that he has been sick.
It started as a cold (running nose, little cough), then he got a fever and horrible eye discharge (1st doctor apt). got on special eye drops. Then later that week, worse fever, so 2nd doctor apt and had 1 ear infection. Went on amoxcilian for 10 days. Got mostly better by day 8... no running nose, still dry cough only in mornings. Then.... around day 3 of over anit-biotics, nose got runny again and cough started to be worse, then got 102 fever... 3rd doctor apointment. Had double ear infection. Went on a 5 day course of a different anti-biotic. During this time, his cough is even worse. He has a follow up on this Thursday.
So... during this time, I have been a bigger mess than the baby. I cry pretty much the entire time I am home. I feel sick to my stomach... all i think about is what if he has TB, what if it is whopping cough, what if he is going to never get better or die. I have started to hate to come home and want to stay at work as to not have to get so stressed about by seeing him. then I feel horribly guilty for not wanting to be around my sick baby. I am also hardly sleeping.
So... at first I thought it was just being a new mom, but my dread and sadness from him being ill and feeling like it is my fault and as bad as this sound, feeling of wishing I was not a mom.... all because of this illiness made me think that there is something else going on with me.
Can PPD start this far after the birth? Is this even what it is like? Or is this something else like anxiety or something? I have never had any sort of feeling like this before in my life (and I am almost 40) so i know this is not normal, but I feel uncomfortable calling my doctor just yet (I know that is stupid, but it is another part of the symptoms)... I am hoping I feel normal once DS is not sick (praying it is soon, but now about a month into it, it feels like it will never end).
Do you think I should call my OBGYN about possible PPD, something else or wait this out?
Re: Is this PPD, anxiety, depression or something else? LONG
I have had a shorter temper and felt overly scheduled and less joy generally since i went back to work when he was 4 months, but would not say I felt this anxiety or was depressed. Up until DS got sick 4 weeks ago, I would desribe it as me feeling like I was acting overly loving because I sometimes felt resentful of having to work 11 hours a day, come home do chores, take care of DS, then do more work, then exercise and do it over again. I thought this was just because I have a very high stress, demanding career and needed some time to adjust to being a working mom... especially since I am more established in my career so it is many years of habits I am breaking.
for the past 4 weeks, I sometimes dread going home. I am nervous the whole time I am there, am worried DS is suffering from something horrible, constantly want to either cry or detach and then feel very guilty. But act normally so I can play with him and not worry the baby.
My husband does not really know how bad I feel... as I am embarrased to tell him, but I am talking to my grandma about it who I feel comfortable with and is like my mom as my mom is deceased.
I sometimes just feel like I should not have been a mom. I love my son more than anything, but it is not natural to me. I am not sure if this is PPD, anxiety, or something else... sometimes it makes me feel like I am a horrible person or some kind of heartless person as I don't love being a mom.
In my opinion, sounds like you're anxious and a little depressed. Sounds like the anxiety has been an issue since your DS was born and maybe that's bringing on the depressed feelings now that you're barely sleeping and feeling overwhelmed.
Call the doctor. The best case scenario, they tell you this is normal for new mommies. But no matter what they can help you find a way to cope. And talk to DH. If he doesn't know you're feeling this way he really can't help.