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My husband just said "We are done ..."

sinisterkat01sinisterkat01
in Single Parents

In light of this statement, I was just perusing different boards while DD is napping.  I am not entirely sure if he meant that he wanted a divorce at this moment, or if he was blowing off steam, but we have some serious problems. 

I am curious about other's stories, and how they came to the decision to be a single parent and/or go through with ending a marriage.I am curious about those of you who decided to end a marriage because it "just" wasn't working out. 

We have been together for 3.5 years now.  We had an "oops" moment in our marriage when I became pg the first time, and that pg ended in a m/c.  We seemed to be doing better for a while, and decided to try to have a child.  Our DD was planned, loved, and is now 6 months old.  My husband is not violent, does not do drugs, and works quite hard.  Neither of us have cheated on the other (I suppose.)  He is more responsible than I would like to admit.  We just have the hardest time getting along, and one or both of us is always in tears or angry at the other.  He won't go to counseling, and I am not sure that it would help.  At this point, both of us hate to be alone because it is hard work with such a young child at home, but we are both miserable when we are home together, and wishing that the other would leave again.  I am not taking this decision lightly, because I am actually scared to death at the thought of dissolving a relationship for no "good reason".  I am not even interested in finding anyone else down the road.  I would actually live out this marriage if there were no romantic love for LO's sake, but I am just not sure that we are good enough "friends" for that to work.  Dissolving this marriage would also mean financial ruin for one or both us at this time.  I have a decent career but we both have debt, and it would take us a long time to get back on our feet.

I fully open to comments that will tell me to "stick it out".  I guess I am just not sure how to do that, or how to get through to DH anymore.

I am sorry to be fishing for stories, and I am sorry to be the second poster with this topic today.  My friends feel awkward listening to my relationship troubles, my family loves my husband and won't hear anything against him, and my home board doesn't want to hear more about my relationship problems either. So, I am very sorry if this offensive at all.  Let me know, and I will DD.

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Re: My husband just said "We are done ..."

  • julia0402julia0402

    It's not at all offensive or silly.  :)

    I left my husband because we couldn't get along, we were not happy and we weren't in love.  He wasn't around much due to his job, but other than that, nothing too crazy like you will see in many of the other stories on this board.  This may not be a popular opinion but I fully believe that if you're miserable more often than not and your relationship doesn't make you happy, then that in itself is a good enough reason to leave.  If you can give your child a better/happier life apart than you can together, then it's a good enough reason to leave.

    At first he was dead set against it and was desperate to keep us together, but he came around relatively quickly because we really were so unhappy together.  We both deserved more than we could give each other, and he agrees with that now too. 

    I have had some hard times and doubts, but overall, my life is so much more peaceful now.  (I left him last August, and now I am happily single.)  A lot of people have judged me for calling it quits, but I really don't care because I could not keep living my life the way I was half-living it.  

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  • Watergirl21Watergirl21 member

    I think that when choosing to end a marriage that you need to do everything you can to make it work first.  I am still married, and I am trying to figure out what to do.   Over the last year I have done a lot of work/research to try to make our marriage work/better.  I went to counselling on my own- this was very helpful and I would recommend it- even if your spouse isn't interested in going.  I also did the "love dare" which I would also recommend (there is actually a movie as well called fireproof) and I read (books on cd actually) the  book by john gottman.   Which focus on communication and fighting fair- but they also have a book on adjusting to having a baby.  I would also recommend this book- especially if your issue is fighting.  It teaches you how to fight fair and to communicate.   Even if a marriage does break down it is good to have these skills as you go forward with co-parenting.

    My H has some serious issues, which are causing our marital issues. But it sounds to me like you have a good guy that you can work with to improve things.  So you should sit down with him and try to figure out why you two are fighting, maybe you are just tired or frustrated or stressed.  I would definately see if he would do counselling or at least listen to the books on cd. 

    I am not in your situation, but I would give anything to be married to someone who I could trust and respect- and they felt the same way about me. 

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