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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
dawnrob5
member
all out of sunshine today
dawnrob5
member
i'm definitely the kind of girl that only likes to watch movies with happy endings.
believed with all my heart that there is a plan for me greater than i could comprehend.
faith hope love... all these things were at the core of my existence.
so when dan and i didnt get pregnant right away, i thought. wait a minute, this is NOT how it was supposed to play out! where is the romance in these iuis, these needles, the u/s?
but i imagined that perhaps we conceived when we had sex the next night instead. and when we found out we were pregnant, frankly i couldn't give a damn how it happened.....
for 7 weeks i was thrilled. grateful for each moment. ecstatic. joking with the ultrasound technician oblivious that within moments my life would come crumbling down into pieces. i could tell by the stoic look on her face that it wasn't good. she didnt say a word and told me to get dressed. my little girl stopped developing at 7 weeks. and shortly thereafter the d/c made it official. this was NOT in my book of plans. and it took a lot of heart wrenching, soul searching to get to a better place again in my life. closer to the optimistic woman i once was. we found out that our baby would have had trisomy 21 and i thanked God for looking out for us.maybe things did happen for a reason? maybe there is hope?somewhere within these depths of hell i am living things will get better.
and they did. after some time i found a strength i never knew existed within myself. i had moments of peace. minutes of non crying. soon turned to days, months. and then it happened. we got pregnant again.
cautiously we proceeded. this time i was going to be smarter. not telling everyone we know. waiting with silent hope. the signs were all around me. seemed like the universe was nodding to me that this time, yes this time the bad times were over and THIS WAS IT. boobs sore, check. nausea, check. belly growing, check. it all seemed to be in place. until the next u/s showed that either "our dates are off, or it is not a viable pregnancy". 1 week of hell, waiting, worrying, torture.and today, we see a sac, no fetal pole. just a sac.a small empty circle. black womb. nothingness.
why why why why why why?
i know this is a question that no one can answer. but i can't help but ask.
WHY
This discussion has been closed.
Re: all out of sunshine today
thank you so much for your kind words.
i'm feeling so empty right now. been trying to keep busy because crying is not helping as i wish it would.so it helps to be able to get out some of my thoughts here. and to know that other women can relate. much love xo
I am very sorry for your loss.
It shouldn't be this hard. I don't understand "why" either.
BFP #2 5/19/11, EDD 1/20/12, Natural miscarriage 6/2/11 @ 6w6d
Dx 2 copies of MTHFR reductase DNA mutation (C677T & A1298C) June 2011
I am so sorry for your losses.*HUG*
"Why?" is definitely the hardest question, and the one that never seems to have an answer. Someone told me earlier not to try to analyze it - sometimes it just happens.
Please know that you aren't alone.
BFP: March 22, 2011 M/C: April 8, 2011 @ 7 weeks
BFP: June 29, 2011!!! Crossing my fingers for a sticky baby
LO Born early March 2012 We are so blessed
thank you.