What to tell 3y/os about my surgery?

pea-kay · April 2011

(Is this where I should post? I feel like the boys are too old for the 24+ board, but they're not actually in preschool yet...ah well! )

Tomorrow morning, I'm having back surgery. Nothing hugely major, but I will be in the hospital overnight, and I won't be able to pick them up for 6 weeks. There will be a pretty big disruption in their lives because of it, with me not bringing them to daycare for the next month and a half, and not being able to pick them up or bend over, etc.

This morning I sat them down and said, "You know how Mommy's back hurts?" (chorus of nods), "Well, the doctors are going to fix me tomorrow, and after that, I won't be able to hold you for a long time. You're going to stay at Granny & Grandpa's house for a couple of nights, and then Grandee is going to stay with us for a little while."

They nodded some more, then ran off to find their cars.

Is this all I need to say? Should I just chill out about it? Or do I need to say anything else?

howleyshell · April 2011

I think you did a great job of explaining it on their level.

If they didn't have any questions I'd let it rest for now.

I would give them a reminder the day before and then be prepared for the questions and just answer them as honestly and simply as you can.

Using the word "fix" is brilliant. "Fix" they understand - things like hospital, surgery, recovery, etc are more complicated.

You were wise to keep it simple.

JillAly · April 2011

I had to spend a month in the hospital before my dd was born and then had a c-section so I couldn't pick up ds or play much for a while with him.

I told ds that I had a boo boo on my tummy and he couldn't touch it because it would hurt. I showed him on his tummy where it hurt. DS may not have understood all the details but he definitely understood that I had a boo boo and not to hurt me. I think your 3 year olds would understand it on that same level and that's all they really need to understand.

By the way- I wondered what happened to you- I haven't seen you around in a long time. Your boys have gotten so big!

tmbuchmann · April 2011

Although my DS is much younger than your triplets, he understood that Mom's back hurts (when I was pregnant) and that I couldn't lift him. I think he liked the indepence a lot because he had to learn to crawl into the carseat alone and I no longer carried him places.

When DS came and visited me in the hospital (after c/s) I told him I had a boo-boo on my belly and to be very careful. He understood and didn't ask to many questions. GL with your surgery!

pea-kay · April 2011

thanks ladies!

jill - i know, i need to come hang out here some more. i am generally just on the multiples board, but i need to branch out.

HarrietNJMommy · April 2011

howleyshell:
I think you did a great job of explaining it on their level.
If they didn't have any questions I'd let it rest for now.
I would give them a reminder the day before and then be prepared for the questions and just answer them as honestly and simply as you can.
Using the word "fix" is brilliant. "Fix" they understand - things like hospital, surgery, recovery, etc are more complicated.
You were wise to keep it simple.

This!

franciscaz · April 2011

I agree w/PP's I think you did awesome. I had to go into the hospital a couple of weeks ago (it was very brief) and DH just told Harm I had an ouchie and needed help. This was my 3rd hospitalization since he was 18 mos but this was the first one where he was old enough to want to know more. When I get home he asked me how my ouchie was and told me he missed me.

AgrippaRidesAgain · April 2011

I think you did a great job. They might need some reminders after the fact, but I think they should generally understand the idea from what you said.

JulieandBen · April 2011

I had two surgeries during the summer which limited me being able to lift my son, take him to school, etc. I did lots of snuggles and was careful to slow him down if he'd come racing in for a hug. It really wasn't that big of an issue. Of course I had just the one three year old and an 7m then 10m for the second surgery. I went through a rough csection when my son was three. My main advice is to do as much reading and quiet attention as you can so the boys don't feel the disruption as much. And be diligent about stopping them as they come racing at you to hug or tackle. I'm likely going to have back surgery for a herniated disc in the next couple months, but my older one is used to me not being able to lift him as ive had this issue for the past fifteen months. I hope your surgery goes smooth.

What to tell 3y/os about my surgery?

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