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s/o Number of kids
If you have more than one, how much harder was it to go from 1 to 2 as compared to going from 0 to 1? Be honest. Brutally honest. I've heard some people say it was only marginally harder, but other people have told me it was much more difficult. Or does it all depend on how hard baby #2 is? Right now I can't imagine taking care of a newborn with a toddler running around. I feel exhausted just thinking about it.
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Re: s/o Number of kids
Mackenzie Beth 10.26.05 Ian James 08.09.08 Rhys Edward 07.05.10 William Brendan 04.17.12
I agree...after the initial 3-4 weeks where I did feel overwhelmed with a newborn who constantly wanted to be held and a 19 month old. I had NO breaks...DD never slept unless she was held, and I was exhausted.
But after I found my new groove, and DD let me put her down once and awhile, the rest has been an easier transition.
Harder...how? Like as in physical work? Or harder like - Emotionally?
I don't know that I can compare the two, to me it's like apples and oranges.
I refer to the day my first baby was born as The Day The World Stood Still. As in, you come to grips with your social life completely changing, and your daily routines completely changing, your idea of "fun" changes, you have to reconsider travel plans, this on top of the shock of taking care of a newborn, learning how to change a diaper, learning to "read" your kid's cries, well - you know - you have a kid.
With #2 and #3 none of those things are shockers. You're learning about your new baby, who likely won't be exactly like your first baby, but the other stuff - you've already come to grips with.
However - the actual physical work increases, and your energy drains faster, and you have to divide work with your spouse instead of the two of you both helping with one kid... it's hard in a different way. Gone are the days where you're giving your kid a bath, and you yell out "can you hand me a towel?" and you DH says "be right there!" Now it's like "no, I'm changing a diaper" or "right after I get this spit up off my face!" It requires more planning. And when they're both mobile, you're running in two directions. And you have to gain confidence that you can take care of both of them yourself for the times when your spouse is out of town or working late. I'm still building that confidence with three. I still get a little bit of a hairy look in my eye when my DH says "I'm working late" because I know I'm wrangling all three by myself.
I wouldn't say one scenario is any easier or harder. Just different.
This is what I've heard too--that it's toughest going from 0 to 1. I know for us, the hardest part in the beginning from going from 0 to 2 was the mental shift we had to make in just how huge the life change was. After we got past that, everything else has seemed relatively easy (don't get me wrong, it's still very hard and ours still aren't consistently STTN).
Ditto artslvr completely. The 0 to 1 transition is all about shifting life priorities and getting used to how hard kids are day in and day out - the daily grind of sameness (harder for DH than for me). The 1 to 2 transition is about adding in another unknown to the equation. Honestly the lack of sleep, trying to get a meal and shower in kind of stuff was no problem the second time around. It still sucked to have my baby not STTN until 6mo but I knew we would get through it, I knew I could handle it, I knew she would someday STTN and that this was just a phase. Perspective is really there the second time around and I tried to enjoy holding her more and not stress about the sleep/eat/poop schedules etc.
However having a toddler (20mo) running around at the same time was the part that increased in difficulty, so while all the things I stressed over time #1 were less stressful, trying to mesh their 2 schedules and ours was more difficult. We did not plan on having them so close together, Molly was a happy surprise. Now I am glad that all that is behind us and would do it again to have the newborn/infant hecticness over sooner, there are definitely pluses to waiting. My sister has a 4yo and a 4mo and I can see that things are certainly a little less crazy for them. The 4yo is much more able to entertain herself and go without parental attention when the baby needs things. She can go and get things for the baby etc.
Now that they are both a bit older I am so glad they are close in age and while the parenting part gets more difficult (talking back, defiance, not listening - this is for the 3.5 yo, can't wait for the teen years), the physical part gets easier. It is easier to leave them with family members, easier to take them fun places etc. Molly is still a little difficult in the fun places but taking Maggie a month ago to the Museum of Natural History was great - no huge bag for all her stuff because she is PT and can eat out etc. Also both DH and I had siblings and knew that was what we wanted for our own kids.
I'm only 3 months into number 2, but I echo PP. It's been a different transition. The taking care of baby stuff is a lot easier. I remember compulsively reading parenting books when DD was little to make sure she was on track and I've barely cracked them open for DS. I was much more concerned about DD transitioning ot the new baby than I was.
I think the hardest hit by number 2 was DH. With 1 child, I really could be the primary caregiver in the evenings with some help, with two, we are both on duty. DH's idea of leisure and time for projects changed far more dramatically.
This is good to hear. If we go for #2, they'll probably be about that far in age.
I agree with everyone else. I am definitely feeling drained more physically b/c I literally got pg as soon as DD started to STTN (sometimes, not every night) and it's hard. But soon they'll play together and I'll sleep again. No, really, I will!!
I do think there is a lot more "managing" to be done w/ 2, Last weekend I couldn't do a thing b/c as soon as DS woke up from his nap, it was lunch time and then it was time for DD to nap and we didn't do anything "fun." So for us, our life really does revolve around kids day in and day (and night) out. With just DD we could definitely do more stuff now that she's 2.5. But I'm so glad for the 20mo age difference. I don't want an older child and a baby.
I agree with much of what the pps have said. The baby stuff is easier the second time around--you know what to expect more or less and the addition of a new little one isn't so much overwhelming as is just an energy drain and an adjustment in parenting responsibilities--life can seem like a bit of a three-ring circus some days.
In our case, DD#1 and DD#2 are more than 3 years apart and I think that was helpful in a lot of ways--DD#1 has been really helpful--she's our "poop detector" and my "can you get..." girl. But there are also challenges--we were completely through potty training and had gotten to an age with DD#1 where we could go places and she was more or less independent. It took some readjustment to get used to the baby thing again. But overall, I am very thankful I didn't have 2 under 2...I applaud those mothers who do.
What trumps all challenges for me is seeing the girls together--it's really just one of the most precious things for me as a mother.
That said, the thought of going from 2 to 3 is a complete non-starter for me. I used to think I wanted 3...the thought of it now makes me TRULY exhausted
After reading the original post, I wasn't sure if I should read the responses because DD#2 will be born within the next month and I'm sort of nervous about the transition. But it sounds like everyone figures it out. I'm so glad that DD#1 will still be in daycare because I think that will help tremendously. It's definitely going to be a big change though having 2 under 2.
I thought going from 1 to 2 was harder but I really think it depends on the circumstances. My kids are 21 months apart so it's probably a lot easier when they are spaced out more. DD was a very easy baby. She wasn't a great sleeper but she almost never cried. She hit her milestones, ate well, always happy to nurse, etc. The toddler stage was a different story. She is my tantrumer. And I was pregnant. At 19 months she decided to give up her nap. Then DS came along and he was colicky for the first 4 months. I had a very, very stubborn toddler and a baby who cried pretty much from the moment he woke up until the second he fell asleep. He would wake up in the middle of the night and scream and scream and scream. DD would be woken up and then she would be a cranky mess the next day. It was rough. DS would refuse to nurse, I got mastitis 3x and we both got thrush. I quit BFing at 8 months b/c I couldn't take it anymore.
Now I am glad they are so close. It's super easy, right now I'm watching them out the window while they play outside with the dogs. They are both out of diapers and are great playmates. You just have to remember they won't be babies forever. It was hard for a little while but it was worth it.
DD1 9.24.06
DS 7.1.08
twins due 9.7.11 lost twin A at
DD2 4.7.12
we both want more than 2, so we've been asking friends with more than 2 and have heard mixed things.
for us, going 0-1 was HARD. it was a major transition and impacted our marriage in not such a good way. plus, i had a difficult emotional recovery (but my DH was a rockstar in his support) and untreated PPD.
going from 1-2 was much easier. but i also was in much better mental state and had eliminated the majority of things in my life that caused me to be unhappy. i also think DH had a better understanding of what i expected of him as a father and husband in our family. he has really stepped up to the plate with regard to family responsibilities. in some way, i think he didn't know what to do before; #1 was a test run of sorts. additionally, now that there are 2, he knows i can't possibly handle them both myself. i worry that going to 3 will put us back in that odd assignment, where i get 2 and he gets 1.
i have mostly heard from friends/family that going 2-3 was easier than going 1-2 but i have also heard the exact opposite.
Not that you asked, but despite DS being a colicky mess at first, you can mark me down as someone who thinks the transition from 2 to 3 was by far the easiest.