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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Capsunflower
member
Easter Vent~ Any adivce?
Capsunflower
member
Normal
0
I?m not looking forward to
Easter this year at all. We should have
been sharing the news of a pregnancy this weekend, and it?s
all that I can think about. We chose
to keep the miscarriage and D&C private between us and our parents. FIL and his siblings spend their entire days
on the phone gossiping. They will be
over for Easter and usually DH and I get pinned to a corner by his cousin, her
husband and mother about when will we have kids, don?t we want kids etc? I?ve always brushed it off, but last time I
saw them, we were struggling to get pregnant and it was really obnoxious. I
feel after everything, it?s only going to upset me on Sunday. I keep trying to find the right words to say
to tell them to back-off without seeming abrasive. Does anyone have any good
lines they use when being questioned?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Easter Vent~ Any adivce?
If anyone asks the typical "So when are you having kids?" to DH and/or myself, I have decided to just answer truthfully. I will say we are hoping soon and if they press further, I will tell them we just lost our LO and to please lay off the subject. I figure I cannot be upset with them if they have no idea and I'd rather people know so they don't keep shoving baby stuff into conversations with me.
We were going to tell them about the pregnancy at Easter. T&Ps out to everyone who is going to have a difficult holiday.
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?"
ITA.
OP, I am sorry this weekend might be rough for you. You are in my thoughts.
ITA with PPs.
Honestly, my plan is to be brutally honest with anyone that nosey this weekend. "We just had a miscarriage two weeks ago when I should have been 12wks"
If I'll actually do that, I have no idea. I might just end up crying and walking away from them without answering.
Big (Hugs). This weekend we were going to announce our pregnancy as well. We've opted to not do anything with the family. Instead we are going to stay home and have our own dinner. My heart isn't ready to for it yet.
It's up to you if you want to be honest. I really thought I was going to keep our m/c private, but I find myself telling more and more people. I think I just want people to understand why I've changed so much because the change is really obvious. Don't say anything you don't want to though. If your family pushes you, just tell them it's personal and you aren't comfortable talking about it. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.
♥BFP #1 "Spawn"- 02/23/11 | EDD: 11/01/11 | natural m/c 03/20/11 @7w5d♥
♥BFP #2 "Offspring"- 11/10/12 | EDD: 07/25/13 | incomplete m/c 12/14/12 @8w1d | D&C 12/21/12♥
♥BFP #3 "Progeny" - 02/16/15 | It's a BOY!! | EDD: 10/17/15 | BD: 10/23/15♥
All AL Always Welcome
(((HUGS))) We were going to announce our pregnancy this weekend, as well. I wanted to stay home for Easter, but DH decided that it would be too abnormal if we didn't, so we have to visit all of our family. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
I don't really have any advice for you, because I'm unsure as to how I'm going to act, and DH's grandma is known for her asking intrusive questions at just the wrong time. I'm not about to give someone advice on something that I have no clue about. We didn't tell anyone but our parents so it's our private pain, which means I'm trying to brace myself for their seemingly innocent questions that are going to really hurt.
Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
BFP#1 EDD 11/8/11 - MC @ 9w6d, 4/15/11 we said goodbye
BFP#2 DD arrived 5/7/12
We also would have been sharing the news with our family this weekend (since we would have been just shy of 11 weeks & presumably had 2 ultrasounds already (one early & one regular first-visit).
I dont expect anyone to ask us about TTC, our family doesn't usually pry into that stuff... they know we are trying & know we'll announce when we are ready.
I just tried out a new response the other day, though. An innocent aquaintence at work asked "when are you going to have another one?" (my DD is almost 2) and I replied "Oh I wish I could see the future to answer you!" She was kind of caught off guard, but not offended, and she didnt ask anything else, so I think it served my purpose. I wish I was more confrontational & could just tell people that its a really personal question that they are asking, but this is a better option for me. I would love to hear others recommendations!
Trying for #2 since July 2010
BFP 8/1/10, missed m/c, D&C 9/15/10.
BFP 1/8/11, chemical pregnancy.
BFP 3/4/11, measured behind all along, no more HB 4/18/11. D&C 4/29/11. HCG didn't drop, Repeat D&C 6/17/11; confirmed molar pregnancy 6/23/11.
Forced break, including two Hysteroscopies in October to remove retained tissue.
BFP 12/29/11! Betas @ 10 dpo = 85, 14 dpo= 498, 22 dpo = 7242
Heard HB 1/24/12. 144 bpm!
Luca Rose born 9/9/12! More than worth the wait!
We lied for a long time. We told people it wasnt even on our radar and after we had DD people thought that it was so easy for us to get pregnant and it wasnt. Now with this loss under our belt people were asking why I wasnt drinking the past few birthday gatherings and on easter I will be...
that stops any questions unfortunately. Now we are honest too.
We are in exactly the same boat
Thought we would be announcing our pregnancy on Easter with our family (would be 11 weeks today, found out about our missed MC on Wednesday at 10w4d when the baby measured 8w3d with no more heartbeat 
) and sharing how ecstatic we were about becoming parents. Instead, I am dreading the "so, when are you going to have babies?!" question. This is our second loss in a row (first in February, we have no children yet) so I really have NO idea how I will react, and I've told hubby I pity the person who asks me first- they might get a little bit more than they were expecting in return! We wanted our baby annoucement to be a HUGE surprise since no one knows we were TTC or when we would want to start our family, but now we have decided that maybe we will be open about the losses. I think it may help with the grieving process, and will help others understand how hard this is for us and why we are not necessarily acting ourselves. We've decided that although miscarriage is such a taboo subject and no one really talks about it, the more we mention it to anyone the more we get responses like "we went through the same thing!" or "I had such a hard time getting pregnant too" or something. It's amazing how common miscarriage is, but you never really know about it until someone is comfortable enough to bring it up, then the stories come pouring out. Who knows, maybe we'll get some good advice or at least just more shoulders to lean on and more prayers coming our way (we need all we can get!)
Obviously, stick to your gut feeling of what feels right to you. If you don't want to tell, I'd go with something plain and simple like "well, hopefully soon!" or "as soon as God allows" and just say it in a way that makes it perfectly clear that you do NOT want to talk any further about it.
Hugs to all whose holiday has turned out differently expected. You are not alone!