Kind of feel like I'm falling apart.

leviandlandensmom · April 2011

I don't know if it's PPD or what but I seriously am struggling right now. I want to divorce my DH, leave the kids with him, and peace out. I am so overwhelmed. I'm exhausted all the time, I can't get anything done, the babies are still not STTN, I feel like I'm going to go off the deep end. I love my kids, I love my DH but I just can't handle my life right now. I feel like I'm going to break into a thousand pieces.

My DH thinks it's depression - I'm on zoloft right now but he thinks I should go to the doctor. I don't know, we don't have insurance so it's going to be expensive and we're already a month and a half behind on our mortgage.

caden · April 2011

You poor momma. I don't know how anyone could function being that exhausted. When is the last time you had a day off?

cookiemonster03 · April 2011

I really encourage you to see a doctor. PPD is serious, and especially if you're already on Zoloft, it is worth being evaluated (you might need to have your dosage changed since your pp anyway).

I don't know anything about WA's programs, but surely you qualify for some sort of state insurance or help with 6 kids (?). Is there a local clinic or even a planned parenthood or somewhere like that you could at least talk to someone?

::hugs to you:: I hope things look up soon.

MrsVo · April 2011

I wouldn't be surprised if you do have some depression that has been intensified by sleep deprevation. Is there anyone who can relieve you for a day?? Sending you big hugs!!

atc282 · April 2011

Have you tried talking to anyone professionally? I know that typically antidepressants + therapy is very beneficial. Do you have an ins. provider website or phone # you could call to see if they have any in-network therapists?

You have a lot on your plate and the stress is at its high. Sometimes, even though it only temporarily helps, I have found that when I have had it, stepping away and doing something for myself puts me back in check...it doesn't have to cost a lot--(maybe calling up an old friend and seeing if you guys can just get together for dinner and catch up?), going somewhere alone (have DH or friend/family watch the kids) and doing an activity that used to be you (for me, that would be being able to window shop w/o bringing the stroller), going to a movie, buying a book or magazine and taking the time to relax & read over Starbucks or Panera....

Hang in there. Making yourself your healthiest and happiest is what is most important, especially as a mother.

cara-n-steve · April 2011

I agree with pp. You really need to see the Dr. Zoloft may not be the right medication for you. I have PPD. I was taking 300 mg of Wellubtrin and was switched to 30mg of Paxil. It made a huge difference.

Are there any clinics you can go to since you don't have insurance? I'm so sorry your feeling this way, it's a terrible feeling. I just want to give you a big hug. Hang in there momma...don't put off getting help!!!

SpinningJess · April 2011

cookiemonster03:

I really encourage you to see a doctor. PPD is serious, and especially if you're already on Zoloft, it is worth being evaluated (you might need to have your dosage changed since your pp anyway).

I don't know anything about WA's programs, but surely you qualify for some sort of state insurance or help with 6 kids (?). Is there a local clinic or even a planned parenthood or somewhere like that you could at least talk to someone?

::hugs to you:: I hope things look up soon.

All of this. I think you deserve some kudos for speaking up, I think many people just continue to bury their feelings of anxiety, frustration and anger until it's too late.

Another option: regardless of whether or not you are religious, there are probably some church organizations that could provide counseling or help in some other way for little to no cost.

Yet another example of how our healthcare system needs a massive overhaul. No one should have to go without health coverage!

HUGS to you, please keep us updated!

LakeGenevaBride · April 2011

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. I struggled with PPD/anxiety too. I had a breakdown to the point where my mom thought I was going to leave the babies on her doorstep and hit the road. I hated my DH. I know that is a strong word, but I really did. Looking back I think it was PPD. You absolutely have a lot on you plate right now, especially with the finances. In the past I think you said your church has helped. Is there someone there to reach out to? Sleep deprivation sucks. Around 6 months old I had to institute some tough love (ie, no more bottles at night). I never thought I would do that, but its what we had to do to get to the next point.

Ruby_Tuesday · April 2011

I think Planned Parenthood is a good suggestion. Do you have one nearby? The OBs there should be able to help evaluate you and figure out if you need a dosage change or a new med and point you in the right direction. PPD is tough. You may need helpt to get through it.

ETA: I think twins + 4 more + finanical issues + sleep deprivation is a lot to have on your plate. Just take it one hour at a time. Things will get easier.

tvass1981 · April 2011

cara-n-steve:
I agree with pp. You really need to see the Dr. Zoloft may not be the right medication for you. I have PPD. I was taking 300 mg of Wellubtrin and was switched to 30mg of Paxil. It made a huge difference.
Are there any clinics you can go to since you don't have insurance? I'm so sorry your feeling this way, it's a terrible feeling. I just want to give you a big hug. Hang in there momma...don't put off getting help!!!

I agree with this. It doesn't sound like the Zoloft is working for you. I have dealt with depression in the past (not PPD, but still depression) and it took a while to find the right medication for me. You never know what will work at what dose; it's all trial and error. It sounds like it might be time to try something new. And it definitely sounds like you need a break. I hope that you can somehow get some "me" time and get some rest. You might feel completely different when you aren't so exhausted.

2shihtzus · April 2011

I don't have any advice but I only have twins and I know how overwhelmed I have felt at times so I can't imagine having 4 other kids plus the other stressors that you have going on. I agree with PP's to search around to see what services might be available to you through your county/state and to also see about getting a day off or even just a few hours off for yourself. You deserve it!

LakeGenevaBride · April 2011

I just looked on line and it looks like there are free resources available to you. Try postpartum.net to find something in your area.

thiswillbe · April 2011

I don't have much to add that pps haven't covered, but just wanted to say good for you for speaking up, and hang in there! ((hugs))

JosiePosy · April 2011

I think PPs jad good suggestions. I hope you are able to get some help. ((hugs))

Haven1 · April 2011

Yes, please get some help. You're very brave for speaking up, and that's the first huge step in the right direction. Everyone needs you, but most importantly, YOU need you. {{hugs}}

MADforever2009 · April 2011

i wish we lived close so we could provide one another with days off! (HUGS)

missfire · April 2011

I went to a hospital baby group meeting about a month ago when I felt like that. On my drive there, I was wondering if I could make it there safely without crashing the car, and was pretty sure I'd break down in tears if anyone there asked me how I was doing. Their topic that day ended up being PPD - such wonderful timing for me! But she spent the first half describing the difference between depression and sleep deprivation, and how without 2 stretches of 3-hour sleep a day, you will eventually go clinically insane. We hired a postpartum doula to come give us occasional nights of sleep while she watches the twins, and things are still very hard, but I'm not anywhere near that breaking point most days now. If you are really tired too, if you can find someone to give you even one night of actual normal sleep, I think it would do you more good than starting with medication. Then you could start unraveling whether it's exhaustion, depression, or isolation, or a combination, and what might be the best place to start to make things feel better again. Big hugs, and a thank you to you and the rest of the board for helping ME deal with these struggles too.

dressmaking.dummy · April 2011

oh goodness! i agree with all the PP, definitely talk to a Dr. I've just got the two, but I'm feeling similarly and finally talked to my Dr about it a few weeks ago, I'm on medication now, but it really helped to talk to a professional about it. You are super brave to post this and I hope you can get a break and start to feel like yourself in the near future.

jalaiaa · April 2011

PPs have covered everything I would say. So all I will say is I'm thinking about you and praying for you. You'll get through this.

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