Need to vent!! Kinda long

mlasecki10 · April 2011

So i get a phone call from my mom and she tells me that my sister's boyfriend's dad doesnt look like he is going to last too much longer and is gonna pass away soon.

So Back story:

My sister's boyfriend has put my family through hell. Every summer for the past 4 years he goes on this drinking/ drugs (i mean crazy drugs some kind of imbombing drug) binge. He blames it every year on the fact that he lost his mother and is having a hard time coping. Every year my sisters leaves him usually around Easter moves in with my parents and usually by october they are back together and he goes back to "normal" and she moves back in with him. Well during these binges she takes their two kids away from him and doesnt let him see them (he could care less if he sees them) So he calls my parents house no stop all night begging to talk to my sister and meet her. When she does meet him he steals her phone and makes threatening calls to my parents and says things like i'll kill her (blah blah) and mean while he has her phone so my parents cant get ahold of her (of course police get involved which is crazy). He also destroys the house they live in (one year he knocked over the fridge in one of his blackouts), he would constantly come over to my parents house and threaten my dad and my mom and really just do anything else you can think of. Now he lost his mother when he was 14. I understand it is hard for someone losing their mom at a young age. But he is now 32. i think he can handle the loss, better then drug binges especially when you have 2 kids, to think about.

So my mom made a comment that she doesnt know how he is gonna react.. Im sorry i have already stated to my sister he isnt allowed near my child. I could care less how he handles the loss. My mom got all pissy at me and said i wasnt being compassionate. ARE YOU FING KIDDING ME? he wasnt compassionate all the times he called our house at 3am and made threatening calls. I honestly have no simpathy toward him (i know that makes me horrible but he has done alot to my family) I have my daughter to think about this year and yes its horrible to loss a parent but an adult can deal with it without having to resort to child like behavior.

My husbands parents died 11 months apart suddenly and tragically. He DIDNT go snort, smoke, drink anything he could. he dealt with it like an adult, we talked and he had a rough time, but always expressed his feelings to me and we talked it out and he was able to get through it. ( i know some people dont like to talk about their feelings but you can certainly handle it in a less violent way)

So im geting off topic, my mom was really mad at me because i didnt care how he was going to handle it.. i lived the last 4 years on how he handled his mother's loss 15 plus years ago. I just dont care. i know it makes me horrible, but i just cant help it! UGH!

Thanks for letting me vent sorry its so long. Cake have a peice of cake for reading!

ashleah83 · April 2011

My Dad and Uncle lost their father to cancer when they were 15 and 13 respectively. The worst part is at the time, the doctor told my grandmother NOT to tell her husband or family that he was dying. I'm sure you can imagine what that did to the family. I think my Dad was pretty messed up over all of this for a long time but he ultimately went to therapy and got things together. BUT my Uncle is chronically a mess. I don't think drugs or anything but just can't seem to hold a job, take care of himself - blames everyone else for his problems.

I guess my point is I agree with you and have seen in personal experience that some people go through awful things and pick themselves up and move on - other people dwell forever and blame the past for their current situation. Your sister's bf sounds like my uncle - unwilling to take responsibility for himself. I don't know why on earth your Mom would displace her frustration about the situation onto you, but I think you are wise to see him for who he is, and not who he could be or who you want him to be. I know having your Mom's approval would be a lot nicer than having the approval of a stranger but for what it's worth I completely understand your perspective and I'm sorry for your family to have to deal with all of that. Uck. It sounds like an awful recurring nightmare.

rlmanning · April 2011

Girl hang in there! I am having mother issues too. Just stick to your guns. Your child is the most important thing right now! You need to do whatever you can to protect her huggs to you

Syncronicity09 · April 2011

It sounds to me like your family enables his behavior, and my guess is that his family does the same. What he needs is more people setting limits with him and holding him accountable for his actions. It is possible to be compassionate and supportive while expecting him to act appropriately. I am sorry you have to deal with this, and feel for him about to loose yet another family member. I hope he can get himself together before its to late.

jdubh · April 2011

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this! I also don't have sympathy for people like that! I have a cousin who was raised like my sister and she has been in and out of rehab for 10 years. NEEDLESS to say, she WILL NOT be anywhere near my child! I don't think that it makes you a horrible person...I think that you are being a great mother, and only looking out for the best interest of your baby girl! Good luck?don?t be too hard on yourself, you?re not a horrible person!

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