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Anyone have judgemental in laws?

Watergirl21Watergirl21 member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

So in the last week or two LO took her first steps, and now this past week she has figured out how to walk.   It's a milestone and I am excited about it.  She is 10 months old, which I don't think is early.

So I was telling my sister in law that LO was walking, her LO is 3 months younger and she told me that she wasn't going to do anything to encourage her daughter to walk because she doesn't want a baby walking at 10 months.    Now that I think about it SIL has said a few things to me over the years... like one time she told me about how she thinks her friends spend too much time on their career and not enough time on their marriage.  She is a SAHM, which I would love to be but it just works out I am the bread winner.  I once offered to copy some baby DVDs for her LO and she said "oh we don't let her watch TV".  But I think now, I am realizing it is going to be like this forever- that it will always be about comparing our kids and how we parent.  The thing is our LO's are so different from each other.  They have completely opposite personalities...  I just don't want to play the compare game---  

anyone else have this problem?  how do you deal?

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Re: Anyone have judgemental in laws?

  • ABColeslawABColeslaw member
    I don't know why people need to get all competitive about kids.  My in laws are jugdy but in a different way.  Good thing I only see them once a week!
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  • seellsseells member
    My in laws are really judgmental about my parenting decisions with DD. They are so set that everything they do is right. My MIL is beginning to think SHE is DD's mother. The other day DH and I were over at their house and she goes "Where is my baby?" I was like oh DH is outside with BIL. She got all mad and was like no A is my baby. I told her no, she is MY baby. She's your grandbaby. She also wanted to buy DD an easter dress after I told her I had gotten her an outfit. She's like it's my right as a grandmother. Gah. Don't get me started on my MIL. Drives me crazy.
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  • GPGIRLYGPGIRLY

    imageseells:
    My in laws are really judgmental about my parenting decisions with DD. They are so set that everything they do is right. My MIL is beginning to think SHE is DD's mother. The other day DH and I were over at their house and she goes "Where is my baby?" I was like oh DH is outside with BIL. She got all mad and was like no A is my baby. I told her no, she is MY baby. She's your grandbaby. She also wanted to buy DD an easter dress after I told her I had gotten her an outfit. She's like it's my right as a grandmother. Gah. Don't get me started on my MIL. Drives me crazy.

     

    This sounds all too familiar. My MIL is like that too. My favorite line is," You just can't understand how much I love him."

     

    Really? I betcha I can.  

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  • Mainer-in-TexasMainer-in-Texas
    A few months ago, I got into an argument with my MIL because she basically said it was my fault that DD wasn't crawling. She kept saying how her other grandchild could crawl at 8 months and it was because her mother gave her more floor time than I gave DD. And she was upset that I wasn't rushing DD into PT at 8-1/2 months. I finally just handed her a copy of a developmental chart and she was shocked and said, "Did you know this says that some kids skip crawling and are developmentally normal???" (which is what I had been saying to her in our argument :P ). DH got her to chill out, too, so it's better now. (And DD still doesn't crawl!)
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  • MWoodsideMWoodside member

    I don't really feel like the walking thing or the tv thing were judgemental.  I feel the same way as your SIL regarding those two issues so if someone brings them up to me that's what I say.  I am not judging the other mother, I'm just responding to her initiating a conversation about one of those issues.

    The working mom thing does seem judgmental, but I'd just ignore it.  Every family is in a different situation.  Honestly I'd rather stay home, too, but that just wouldn't work for us right now.  

    I think it's important for us as moms to feel confident in our parenting decisions and let a lot of what other people say roll off our backs.  There are so many different approaches and one isn't necessarily better than another.  I'd just try to avoid parenting type conversations with her if they end up bothering you, KWIM? 

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  • aluminiumaluminium
    imageMWoodside:

    I don't really feel like the walking thing or the tv thing were judgemental.  I feel the same way as your SIL regarding those two issues so if someone brings them up to me that's what I say.  I am not judging the other mother, I'm just responding to her initiating a conversation about one of those issues.

    The working mom thing does seem judgmental, but I'd just ignore it.  Every family is in a different situation.  Honestly I'd rather stay home, too, but that just wouldn't work for us right now.  

    I think it's important for us as moms to feel confident in our parenting decisions and let a lot of what other people say roll off our backs.  There are so many different approaches and one isn't necessarily better than another.  I'd just try to avoid parenting type conversations with her if they end up bothering you, KWIM? 

    I agree. But it's easy to feel judged by SIL when she has said obviously judgy things in the past. You're not crazy, OP.  She probably is a judgy know-it-all. Just do your own thing.

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  • Jen&LenJen&Len

    My IL's are big on the eating thing.  THey think I am not feeding the kids enough.  When DS was born, they were outraged that I wasn't giving him 6 oz every 2-3 hours like they did along with bottles of sugar water in between.  They told me that I would make him stupid because his brain isn't getting enough food, then what would I do.  He's still pretty lean at around 30%ile for weight (but DH and I are both on the smaller side) and they still get on my case about his not eating enough.

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  • kdellokdello member
    imageMWoodside:

    I don't really feel like the walking thing or the tv thing were judgemental.  I feel the same way as your SIL regarding those two issues so if someone brings them up to me that's what I say.  I am not judging the other mother, I'm just responding to her initiating a conversation about one of those issues.

    The working mom thing does seem judgmental, but I'd just ignore it.  Every family is in a different situation.  Honestly I'd rather stay home, too, but that just wouldn't work for us right now.  

    I think it's important for us as moms to feel confident in our parenting decisions and let a lot of what other people say roll off our backs.  There are so many different approaches and one isn't necessarily better than another.  I'd just try to avoid parenting type conversations with her if they end up bothering you, KWIM? 

    +1.

    You do things differently from your SIL. You like your way, she likes her way. No harm in that.  I'd just try not to let it bother you, because you're stuck with her for the long haul!  

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  • haleyjean84haleyjean84 member

    My husband's sister has twins four months older than our son, so I feel ya on the kids getting compared! My son is CONSTANTLY compared to the twins. Every time I tell my MIL about something new DS is doing, I hear about how the twins are doing the same thing. It's kind of frustrating because I want my son to be an individual, but it's just something we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives!

    Plus, we live in the same town and our kids will go to the same school, so it's going to be a constant struggle!

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  • Watergirl21Watergirl21 member
    imagehaleyjean84:

    My husband's sister has twins four months older than our son, so I feel ya on the kids getting compared! My son is CONSTANTLY compared to the twins. Every time I tell my MIL about something new DS is doing, I hear about how the twins are doing the same thing. It's kind of frustrating because I want my son to be an individual, but it's just something we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives!

    Plus, we live in the same town and our kids will go to the same school, so it's going to be a constant struggle!

    Oh I feel for you- that is going to be tough.  I think with my SIL what bugs me is that she makes assumptions.  ie. that just because i have dvd's that I have LO watching TV all the time- which isn't true.  LO may watch a baby DVD once ever 2 or 3 weeks.  As for the walking thing I didn't do anything to encourage her.  I don't think she is judging me as much as she is opinionated.   

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  • angiek941angiek941

    imageMainer-in-Texas:
    A few months ago, I got into an argument with my MIL because she basically said it was my fault that DD wasn't crawling. She kept saying how her other grandchild could crawl at 8 months and it was because her mother gave her more floor time than I gave DD. And she was upset that I wasn't rushing DD into PT at 8-1/2 months. I finally just handed her a copy of a developmental chart and she was shocked and said, "Did you know this says that some kids skip crawling and are developmentally normal???" (which is what I had been saying to her in our argument :P ). DH got her to chill out, too, so it's better now. (And DD still doesn't crawl!)

    I'm so glad to read your post. DS isn't hand and knees crawling either. He army crawls like a champ, though. I worry, but then I know he might crawl like that at all. 

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