- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Northern California Babies
Thoughts on having baby #2
let me tell you my story.
I wanted a 2nd child as soon as my first was born. Lexi was a good baby, but she didnt ever feel like mine. My inlaws wanted so badly to have a girl in the family, that the were over the moon when we found out she was a girl. Then DH was off work from the time she was 3months till she was a year. so she allways wanted daddy, and our relationship didnt really build untill after DH went back to work. We started trying for #2 when Lexi was a year, and she was 2 and 1/4 before i was finally pg. Then i so wanted to have another girl, another little princess, who i could connect with right away. But this pg was way different, and my fil pronounced i was having a boy before i even knew i was pg. He was right. I cried at my ultrasound. i did not want a boy. I didnt know how to care for a boy. Why was i getting jipped again? I went through most of that pg, hungry, irratated, and nervous. When my Son was born, and i saw him for the first time, he looked just like Lexi to me.He didnt look any different besides having a penis. that was all. Now i look back at his infant pictures, and he looks completely different. And he was a different baby. He was able to breastfeed, was a bit needier, and i slowly started to love him. My uncle passed when orion was 2.5 months old. My uncle and i were extremely close,he was a true father figure to me. I had to leave Orion Lexi and DH for almost a week while i was there with family 12 hours away saying goodbye to a man who ment so much. There are 3 men left in my mothers family. My grandpa, My cousin, and Orion. When i came home from that trip, i realized how special my little guy was. He has become such a mommas boy, and i love every min.
I tell you all this, because even if you arent connecting now, you will. give it time, your heart will grow,your love will abound in ways you didnt know possible.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thoughts on having baby #2
Thank you for sharing this. I've had such mixed emotions with this pregnancy (for varying reasons) and its nice to know others have struggled too. Not that I'm glad you struggled, but you know what I mean
I'm mostly scared about how our family dynamic is going to change. DH and I both work full time and spend our home time taking care of DD, taking care of the house, and catching up on work that we didn't get done during the work day. I am worried about where this little one is going to fit in. And I am worried about the lack of time that DH and I devote to each other now...which I feel is only going to get worse.
they family dynamic does change, and it takes a while to get used to. You've got a 3 year who needs dinner, bath and bed, plus and infant that needs care. What i found was, When Lexi was an infant and she so much as farted , DH and i were right there checking on her. With Orion it was like, C'mon kid ! Get walking, we got stuff to do.
The first year is really the hardest. but as long as you make time for kiddo 1 ,and then kiddo 2, and occasional get the freak on with DH you will survive. Just forget about house cleaning and laundry, hey maybe in the next 9month disposable clothes will be availbe. 
DS wasn't planned. We didn't think we could have more kids, and we were really okay with that. Plus DD was at an age (about 15ish months) when we found out that I just loved.
After the initial shock wore off, I really went through a lot of guilt and worrying and not so much excitement about the coming baby. I had a new boss, a lot more going on at work (that I was enjoying and wanted to continue), a toddler to take care of...and I don't like being pregnant dreaded the newborn stage.
Then DS was born and between my complications and his time in the NICU, I didn't even see him for the first 24+ hours. Then he spent a week there. Then when he came home, he screamed for 3 months. Talk about not being able to bond. I also got a whopper of PPD. Really I had very little connection to him at all.
Fast forward to now, he is 7 months old. I'm head over heels. I love watching him and DD interact. I love how SHE loves having a brother, being a sister. I love watching him adore her. They are totally different kids and I love them both more than I could imagine.
It's hard to understand until you have them, and sometimes it takes even longer to form that connection, but it will happen. And you'll wonder what you were worried about.
Ha! Wait till thier older, Lexi loves being a big sister, but man can her brother drive her batty.
I was going to share something similar. And I wish I had more time to write at the moment but I don't.
It took me about 12 weeks to really connect with Winter. Hormones, fatigue, expecting her to be like her brother, breastfeeding, PPD. It all played a role. It was fvcking HARD. And at the time it felt never ending. I had a ton of guilt. I foolishly expected everything to "go back to normal." which of course it never would/will. I had to find our new normal. Once I made allowances for myself and started learning who Winter was (rather than thinking she should be like G) it all became much easier.
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
Dylan is 5 months and hoesntly we are just now connecting. The weird thing, when I first had him the bond was instant. I was SO in love. But damn he was a challenge, and with a toddler as well, i was not the mother I wanted to be. I finally feel like we are coming together, his smiles make my heart melt, but for awhile it wasn't so pretty.
Nothing can prepare you for having a second child and until you have two it sounds so lame but you just don't get how hard it really is.
Great post!
I too was ready for #2 right after I had #1. I had an instant bond with #1. I felt like I had the mother thing down. I found out I was pregnant shortly after Crash's birthday. At first, I was super excited. Crash became a bit more demanding a bit of a challenge during the end of my pregnancy and I wondered what I was getting into.
During the first 6 weeks of Britton's life, I struggled. I did not feel the same connection that I felt with Crash. She cried more, we had breastfeeding issues. I was miserable at the beginning. So much so that I questioned my marriage.
It did take awhile to have that bond with her. She is so much different than Crash. He is reserved and he observes situations. She dives right in. She is the happiest kid I ever met. Wakes with a smile most of the time.
Ben is a terrific big brother. I worried so much about him in the first few months. I wondered how he felt when he was used to always having my attention. Now, he had to wait and was seriously pushed to the side. After my mom left, Crash and I fell into a routine. He helps more than any 2 1/2 year old could. Picks his sister's clothes, gets her diapers, throws stuff away for me. He loves helping. He kisses his sister so much and wakes up every morning saying, "Good morning Sissy!" Melts my heart every time.
So, I do think all of the worrying was for naught. Crash is well adjusted, mommy is happy again, and Britton is one of the best things that ever happened to me.