Blended Families

Vacation with skids?

My family (brother, his wife & their 4 kids and my parents) want H and I to meet them in FL this summer for a family vacation. H and I live 1,000 miles away so only get to see my family a few times a year.

 I"m very excited about this trip b/c I love spending time with my nieces.

At this point, H and I have not discussed bringing the Skids with us. Of course, this would mean we'd have to buy 4 plane tickets rather than 2, so the expense would be much greater. I also am not sure that SS could get out of therapy for that long either.

But there's part of me that doesn't want to take them b/c we're going to visit my family and I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with them since I only get to see them a few times a year.

Is it wrong to not take them on a family vacation with my side of the family? My family has met the s-kids on a few occassions and I know would welcome them coming along. But it's just me wanting to soak up all the time I can with my family while I have the chance. And if the s-kids are there, we'll likely have to turn in early, etc. to tend to the kids. But I feel bad at the same time.

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Re: Vacation with skids?

  • Every year I do a holiday with my SS and a holiday without him.  

    If you don't take them on this holiday I do think you should try to get away with then for a few days.  It a nice memory for them to holiday with their dad. 

    Really I don't think you are wrong to go without them this time.

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  • H and I are having our first family vacation (with SD) this year. We're going to visit some of his family in Maine, and I've got to admit, I'm a little apprehensive about vacationing with a 6-yr-old. Up until now, vacations have been my oasis from a stressful job, and SD is (while lovable) super active and loud, and I've worried about not feeling like I'm getting a vacation. (I hate how selfish I often feel, as a SM.)

     What H and I have decided, is that we'll alternate vacations with SD and with just the two of us. So, next year will be just us. This is a good solution for our family, b/c we think it's important to include SD in our trips, but it's also important for us and our marriage to have adventures just the two of us. Maybe the two of you could go to FL this year, and plan a big family vaca next year? Just an idea. I understand feeling torn!

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  • Any vacation with kids isn't much of a "vacation" but you do it for them and to be together as a family.  Take them.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • If it was just you and your H taking a trip to get some time away, I can understand not wanting to take the kids. DH and I can't wait until DD is old enough so that we can get away for a long weekend. But.. we have DS 95% of the time and DD 100% of the time. 

    But going on a trip to visit your nieces and not taking the Skids because it will interfere with time with your family seems a bit absurd IMO.  


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  • I think you should go with out them. I have a DS and a SS and I would love to go on vacay without both of them, just my DH and I.  My DS is only 1 so I know that wont come for a while.

    Go and don't feel guilty you have the right to go out and just be a couple whether you have kids or stepkids.

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  • imagefellesferie:

    If it was just you and your H taking a trip to get some time away, I can understand not wanting to take the kids. DH and I can't wait until DD is old enough so that we can get away for a long weekend. But.. we have DS 95% of the time and DD 100% of the time. 

    But going on a trip to visit your nieces and not taking the Skids because it will interfere with time with your family seems a bit absurd IMO.  


    This 100%.

  • Look, I am the first one to say that you do not have to take every vacation with your StepKids, since they will be taking vacations without you. 

    But when your main reason (since money is listed secondary) is to see children OTHER THAN your husband's, I have to say, you are extremely cold.  You are just never going to accept these kids into your life and heart are you?

    Can you NOT put yourself in your StepKid's shoes for just a moment?  Can you not see how hurt they will feel that you spent your family vaction without the family?  Oh wait....you already did that to them when you got married.

    And this bullshit about having to turn in early?  Wont your nieces be turning in early too?  Because I do not think that they are over the age of majority and will be participating in every single night event your "family" would be doing.  So who will be looking after them?

    I think the sooner you accept that you just do not care for your StepKids, the sooner you can start moving on with your life.

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  • Illume - so you're saying that b/c I chose to be a part of a blended family and take on my H's kids, this means my family must do the same?

    Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. If this were my H's family vacation, of course, we'd take them b/c my H's family is their family.

    But it's not the same with my family; frankly, they don't feel like my family is their family anymore than my family feels it about them. And why would they?

    It's been forced onto them - not by their choice, but by mine. 

    So I'm not worried that they'll feel they were left out of a "family vacation" since it's with people they don't know and that they think of as their family. Maybe that would be different if we lived close, but we don't. 

     

    And this bullshit about having to turn in early?  Wont your nieces be turning in early too? Yes, nieces will turn in early, so this is when I'll get time with my parents and brother - to go out or whatever we want to do.

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  • Why do you keep asking here?

    You don't like the responses.  No one ever agrees with you.  If you want to do want you want to do go and do it.  Why do you need our blessing?

    For one moment you thought about the word family and realized someday it will mean to you that the SKs are that your family.

    By your logic, you should go and "soak up" your family by your self and only pay for 1 ticket b/c your husband isn't part of YOUR family.

    If your husband goes on and FAMILY vacation then the SK are part of that you married him and they come with him. 

    You can't keep ignoring them and separating the Sks out your life into compartments of his family vs your family and comeback and whine about how mean BM keeps them away and moves them away keeps you and your H out of the daily goings on.

    You don't get both.

    Ilumine said it best the faster you get over the fact that you really don't want the SKs in your life the happier you will be and these decisions will be easier to make.

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  • For one moment you thought about the word family and realized someday it will mean to you that the SKs are that your family. Yes, they are my (step) family, but that doesn't mean that my brother has to accept them as his family. Frankly, they are not.

    By your logic, you should go and "soak up" your family by your self and only pay for 1 ticket b/c your husband isn't part of YOUR family. My husband knows my family well. In fact, my dad talks to my H more than me. My family does not know his kids well though.

    If your husband goes on and FAMILY vacation then the SK are part of that you married him and they come with him. Yes, I've figured that out by now. But b/c we only have them less than 20% of the time doesn't mean they must be with us for every event.

    You can't keep ignoring them and separating the Sks out your life into compartments of his family vs your family and comeback and whine about how mean BM keeps them away and moves them away keeps you and your H out of the daily goings on. I didn't mention a thing about BM in this post. We don't live by my family b/c I moved away from them to be with my H - not b/c BM moved them away from MY family.


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  •  going on a trip to visit your nieces and not taking the Skids because it will interfere with time with your family seems a bit absurd IMO.  

    This. Sorry, I think you are pretty damn selfish. Especially given your post history. I'm sure you are praying to God that SS can't get out of that terribly expensive therapy your H has 2 jobs to pay for. I can't wait till you have your own kid. Those posts are going to be fun to read.

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  • I am the first to say "it's not a vacation if I have to take kids", but that being said, I usually like to plan 2 summer trips.  1 with the kids, and 1 without. 

    I think your reasons for not taking them, aren't solid.  You could still spend all the time with your family, and I don't know why you would need to turn in early, I mean you're on vacation, so couldn't the kids stay up late as well?  For a family trip like this, I'd lean more towards taking the kids.  If you were jetting off to Hawaii with your H, then no question, I would not take the kids.  Only you and your H know what is best. 

     

  • imagetwinkl5379:
    For one moment you thought about the word family and realized someday it will mean to you that the SKs are that your family. Yes, they are my (step) family, but that doesn't mean that my brother has to accept them as his family. Frankly, they are not.
     
    He should accept them as part of YOUR family, but since you don't the point is moot

    By your logic, you should go and "soak up" your family by your self and only pay for 1 ticket b/c your husband isn't part of YOUR family. My husband knows my family well. In fact, my dad talks to my H more than me. My family does not know his kids well though.

    And that's your fault b/c you don't accept them as your family therefore your extended family doesn't even have the choice to know if they would accept them as part of your family.  You must not think highly of your family...or they are just as unwelcoming as you are.

    If your husband goes on and FAMILY vacation then the SK are part of that you married him and they come with him. Yes, I've figured that out by now. But b/c we only have them less than 20% of the time doesn't mean they must be with us for every event.

    No they don't have to go with you for every event but then stop calling it a family vacation when you don't include your new family.

    You can't keep ignoring them and separating the Sks out your life into compartments of his family vs your family and comeback and whine about how mean BM keeps them away and moves them away keeps you and your H out of the daily goings on. I didn't mention a thing about BM in this post. We don't live by my family b/c I moved away from them to be with my H - not b/c BM moved them away from MY family.

    No you didn't mention her this time in this post.

    I still think you need to come to grips that you give lipservice to your H that its horrible you can't have a more time with your SKs but inside you are thanking the gods that you don't have to.


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  • imagetwinkl5379:
    For one moment you thought about the word family and realized someday it will mean to you that the SKs are that your family. Yes, they are my (step) family, but that doesn't mean that my brother has to accept them as his family. Frankly, they are not.

    By your logic, you should go and "soak up" your family by your self and only pay for 1 ticket b/c your husband isn't part of YOUR family. My husband knows my family well. In fact, my dad talks to my H more than me. My family does not know his kids well though.

    If your husband goes on and FAMILY vacation then the SK are part of that you married him and they come with him. Yes, I've figured that out by now. But b/c we only have them less than 20% of the time doesn't mean they must be with us for every event.

    You can't keep ignoring them and separating the Sks out your life into compartments of his family vs your family and comeback and whine about how mean BM keeps them away and moves them away keeps you and your H out of the daily goings on. I didn't mention a thing about BM in this post. We don't live by my family b/c I moved away from them to be with my H - not b/c BM moved them away from MY family.


    Frankly, They ARE your family.  I understand there is a process of introducing them to your extended family, but that will never happen if you don't bring them down there.  I know you wouldn't hesitate to bring your future bio kids with you to visit your family and the fact that you are considering leaving out your step kids just validates everything I have ever thought about you when reading your posts. 

  • imagetwinkl5379:

    Illume - so you're saying that b/c I chose to be a part of a blended family and take on my H's kids, this means my family must do the same?

    I'm sorry, but yes.  That is exactly what it means.  When you get married, your family is expected to accept your new husband as part of 'the family'.  You married a man and his children.  You should expect your family to treat DH's kids as they do DH...like family.  I'm all for kid vacations and non-kid vacations but this is a kid vacation.  Not taking the kids in your family, whether they're your kids or not, does not send a very good message.

  • imagebebe11:

    I am the first to say "it's not a vacation if I have to take kids", but that being said, I usually like to plan 2 summer trips.  1 with the kids, and 1 without

    I think your reasons for not taking them, aren't solid.  You could still spend all the time with your family, and I don't know why you would need to turn in early, I mean you're on vacation, so couldn't the kids stay up late as well?  For a family trip like this, I'd lean more towards taking the kids.  If you were jetting off to Hawaii with your H, then no question, I would not take the kids.  Only you and your H know what is best. 

    This. And we alternate which trip is a "big" trip. Like this year we're going as a family to the beach and DH and I are going to San Fran in the fall. Last year we all road-tripped to South Carolina and DH and I had a "staycation" where we took DD to my mom's house for a long weekend.

    And OP, the trip we took AS A FAMILY last year (me, DH, SS, and DD) was to MY step-dad's parents house as it was my step-grandmother's 80th birthday. Everybody loved getting to meet and get to know both kids and DH and I were still able to get away for a few hours and have couple time.

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  • imagetwinkl5379:

    Illume - so you're saying that b/c I chose to be a part of a blended family and take on my H's kids, this means my family must do the same?

    Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. If this were my H's family vacation, of course, we'd take them b/c my H's family is their family.

    But it's not the same with my family; frankly, they don't feel like my family is their family anymore than my family feels it about them. And why would they?

    It's been forced onto them - not by their choice, but by mine. 

    So I'm not worried that they'll feel they were left out of a "family vacation" since it's with people they don't know and that they think of as their family. Maybe that would be different if we lived close, but we don't. 

     

    And this bullshit about having to turn in early?  Wont your nieces be turning in early too? Yes, nieces will turn in early, so this is when I'll get time with my parents and brother - to go out or whatever we want to do.

    You are so bizarre.  I guess I have to assume your family is, too.  When you and DH have a child, will it be your family's choice???  Nope.  Will you "force" that child on them?  Probably. 

    Your treatment of your SKs as a burden is really disgusting.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • Your posts don't make sense, Twink. You started out in your OP saying that you know your brother and his family would welcome them on the vacation and that it was just you that wanted the time to "soak up" the time with your family.

    Now you're saying that it shouldn't be on your brother to accept them because they aren't his family?

    Following your logic, when we go to CA this summer to visit DH's family, we shouldn't take DS because he's not biologically related and therefore not their family? I truly cannot imagine my reaction if DH asked that we not take DS so that he could spend quality time with his nieces. You'd have to scrape my jaw off the floor.

    Fortunately for us, no one on either side of our family acts that way. 

    I think people here would have less issue with the things that you post if you at least acted like you wanted to forge a relationship with your skids and that you wanted the best for them. 

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  • This is about when she usually deletes her post.
  • Take the kids. It is a FAMILY vacation, and they are your family. Your parents/siblings/nieces/nephews etc have not gotten a chance to accept them bc they haven't really been given that opportunity. This would be the perfect time for that. You will have plenty of time to have grown-up time after the kids go to bed. Maybe you can even plan a special siblings dinner out while the spouses take care of the kids. You can make it work, and you will get plenty of chances to soak up that time with your family.

    It would be different if every one else going didn't have kids. But they do. So take yours, and have some fun.

  • I'm starting to think Twinkle is a troll. Otherwise, posting like this doesn't make sense. Why keep coming back for more if we tell you each time that you're a selfish little snot? You're either a troll or you're insanely stupid OR you have the mental age of 14. Those are the only three explanations I can think of. How about this, when it comes to your skids, think really hard about what you want to do. Then do the exact opposite.
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  • imageCurlyQ284:
    I'm starting to think Twinkle is a troll. Otherwise, posting like this doesn't make sense. Why keep coming back for more if we tell you each time that you're a selfish little snot? You're either a troll or you're insanely stupid OR you have the mental age of 14. Those are the only three explanations I can think of. How about this, when it comes to your skids, think really hard about what you want to do. Then do the exact opposite.
    I don't agree with twink on a lot but I get where she comes from. It takes a while to find your place in a BF, and it's different for everyone. I know for me personally only one person in my entire family (29 aunts and uncles so I have a huge extended family) had a BF. I am super dooper close to my immediate family and it has been super hard to figure out the dynamics. Now, that said, I hope that twink comes to terms with the giant sacrifices BF's (and all families for that matter) require.
  • I am shocked that I was able to read this thread, usually it's deleted by now.  Surprise
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  • I am not purposefully being mean or unsupportive here.  But at some point, my head started hurting from the continual banging against your wall of delusion.

    YOU JUST DO NOT GET IT:

    Children come first - your need to see your family is not as great (not by a long shot) as your Husband's children's need to feel included and loved by their father and at least respected by their stepmother. 

    You have to make sacrifices whne they are young, because they NEED you to do so.  They cannot grow up to be compassionate, responsible, hard working, respectful people unless the adults (all of them) in their lives help them get there.  That means through giving them expectations, correction and by living the example of what you want them to be. 

    That when you married a Man with children, you are supposed to take them on as part of YOUR family.  Blended families are hard - there are hundreds of thousands of stories (hell even the Brothers Grimm used them as backdrop for many of their stories), going back eons describing the situation.  So it is not as if you walked into this situation without ANY idea of what you were getting into (to include having an autistic child).

    That financially, you are no different than an intact family when it comes to future planning.  Regular families base their finances and future on their current situations.  If they cannot afford the kids/house/cars/etc they have now, they do not go out and make/buy more. 

    If that is not kosher, then you fall back to point #2 and you should not have entered into the marriage in the first palce.

    And that you are not expected to LOVE your BIO kids, but you ARE expected to treat them with RESPECT, just like you would treat any other child or adult you come into contact with. 

    Just like I demand my Stepchildren the respect owed me; that they seem to willingly give their teacher, I reply in kind.  That includes treating the children of your husband (the person you are supposed to have THE STRONGEST BOND WITH) equally to the children of your siblings. 

    These are not hard concepts to understand.  They are things that you (any human being) are expected to do as a matter of being good people.  So why are you not doing these things for your stepchildren? 

    More importantly, why dont you love your husband enough to at least put his children at the same level as your nieces? 

     

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • Just a side note, since this just seems to PROVE my point that you are looking for any excuse to not be with your husbands (the man you swore before god - though not family - to put first) children

    imagetwinkl5379:

    And this bullshit about having to turn in early?  Wont your nieces be turning in early too? Yes, nieces will turn in early, so this is when I'll get time with my parents and brother - to go out or whatever we want to do.

    So who is going to be watching these kids while your brother and parents?  Are they going to be staying home alone? 

    And I noticed that you did not mention your SIL.  So she must not be part of your FAMILY, since it is perfectly acceptable to not worry about her participation in the 'family' time.  So if that holds, why can't your DH stay in the hotel and watch the kids while you get some alone time with your "biological family".

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  • OFFS we have a board full of martyrs.

    Twink if you want to go on holidays with your family without the skids then go.  I would and I would not feel one bit guilty about it.

    It is not your (or your families) responsibility to make sure your step kids have a holiday, it is their parents responsibility.  If your DH is up for holidaying without them then great - go for it.

    A holiday to me does not include kids, when I'm ready to give up my kids free holidays I will have a baby.  Until then I will dame sure go hang out with my family till the wee hours if I like and I don't care if my brother takes his son - that's his choice.  If your DH feels it is wrong then he can stay home with them or take them to Disney World while your with your family. 

    Every year we holiday with DH family and all the kids including SS.  It is my choice up to that day if i want to go.  I have always gone and enjoy it  BUT DH will go regardless and take SS - because it is HIS responsibility to make sure SS gets to hang with his cousins.

    By marrying your DH you did not assume responsibility for those kids UNLESS the mother is not involved and that is the position you KNEW you were marrying into. You do not have to contribute money to them , you do not have to plan vaca's for them, you do not have to worry about their future.  However, you do have to accept your DH has to do all of that and not interfere with it.  You also have to make sure that those kids feel welcome and comfortable while in our home.

    Every child on this planet has the right to be loved, cared for and made feel special and it is their parents job to make sure they do.  

    You are not WRONG to want to go on holidays without them, in fact i think it is probably normal.  Let's face it other peoples kids are not that much fun.   

     

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  • imagePhantomgirl:

    OFFS we have a board full of martyrs.

    Twink if you want to go on holidays with your family without the skids then go.  I would and I would not feel one bit guilty about it.

    It is not your (or your families) responsibility to make sure your step kids have a holiday, it is their parents responsibility.  If your DH is up for holidaying without them then great - go for it.

    A holiday to me does not include kids, when I'm ready to give up my kids free holidays I will have a baby.  Until then I will dame sure go hang out with my family till the wee hours if I like and I don't care if my brother takes his son - that's his choice.  If your DH feels it is wrong then he can stay home with them or take them to Disney World while your with your family. 

    Every year we holiday with DH family and all the kids including SS.  It is my choice up to that day if i want to go.  I have always gone and enjoy it  BUT DH will go regardless and take SS - because it is HIS responsibility to make sure SS gets to hang with his cousins.

    By marrying your DH you did not assume responsibility for those kids UNLESS the mother is not involved and that is the position you KNEW you were marrying into. You do not have to contribute money to them , you do not have to plan vaca's for them, you do not have to worry about their future.  However, you do have to accept your DH has to do all of that and not interfere with it.  You also have to make sure that those kids feel welcome and comfortable while in our home.

    Every child on this planet has the right to be loved, cared for and made feel special and it is their parents job to make sure they do.  

    You are not WRONG to want to go on holidays without them, in fact i think it is probably normal.  Let's face it other peoples kids are not that much fun.   

     

    Look I agree to some extent.  I have no problem going on vacations without SS this summer.  And I would LOVE to go on and have gone on  vacations without my DD. 

    But I know that the reasons behind my decisions are honorable, not exclusive. I also know that my SS would not feel left out or that DD is getting something MORE than he will get. 

    Can you say the same for Twink's step-children?  HER nieces will get to go on vacation with THEIR father....THAT is why I have a problem with this.  I mean really, its not even her own biological kids that are getting more, its her sister's kids. 

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • OFFS!

    LOL

    Nobody's asking her to be a martyr, just a concientious person.  This isn't a second honeymoon, couples cruise, or a booze filled sex fest for her and DH.  It's a FAMILY vacation, which, should include family.  Duh.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • OK Felles so why haven't you blocked this post? They have called the OP a troll, selfish snot, insanely stupid, wicked SM and so on. You only stop the posting when it's to your convenience. Since it's not your friends being attacked it's ok right?

    You (not all) but most of you are wrong. You think that she has to take her SKs because that's what you would do. Well that's fine and good for you, but not everyone that doesn't do what you do is stupid, selfish or wicked.

    Twink- you should go on your vacation without your SKs if that's what you want to do. You are not evil or stupid for doing so. Yes they are your DHs kids but that doesn't mean that you have to do everything with them. I think that your reasons for not wanting to take them are valid. You want to spend time with family that you don't see because you moved closer to your SKs. If you were to take SKs then you would have to worry about their needs and what they want to do. You deserve to have time to worry about only you and your family. Especially since they live far and not around all the time. Don't listen, and you keep posting. Not everyone is as ignorant as some of these bumpies insulting you.

     

  • imageIlumine:
    imagePhantomgirl:

    OFFS we have a board full of martyrs.

    Twink if you want to go on holidays with your family without the skids then go.  I would and I would not feel one bit guilty about it.

    It is not your (or your families) responsibility to make sure your step kids have a holiday, it is their parents responsibility.  If your DH is up for holidaying without them then great - go for it.

    A holiday to me does not include kids, when I'm ready to give up my kids free holidays I will have a baby.  Until then I will dame sure go hang out with my family till the wee hours if I like and I don't care if my brother takes his son - that's his choice.  If your DH feels it is wrong then he can stay home with them or take them to Disney World while your with your family. 

    Every year we holiday with DH family and all the kids including SS.  It is my choice up to that day if i want to go.  I have always gone and enjoy it  BUT DH will go regardless and take SS - because it is HIS responsibility to make sure SS gets to hang with his cousins.

    By marrying your DH you did not assume responsibility for those kids UNLESS the mother is not involved and that is the position you KNEW you were marrying into. You do not have to contribute money to them , you do not have to plan vaca's for them, you do not have to worry about their future.  However, you do have to accept your DH has to do all of that and not interfere with it.  You also have to make sure that those kids feel welcome and comfortable while in our home.

    Every child on this planet has the right to be loved, cared for and made feel special and it is their parents job to make sure they do.  

    You are not WRONG to want to go on holidays without them, in fact i think it is probably normal.  Let's face it other peoples kids are not that much fun.   

     

    Look I agree to some extent.  I have no problem going on vacations without SS this summer.  And I would LOVE to go on and have gone on  vacations without my DD. 

    But I know that the reasons behind my decisions are honorable, not exclusive. I also know that my SS would not feel left out or that DD is getting something MORE than he will get. 

    Can you say the same for Twink's step-children?  HER nieces will get to go on vacation with THEIR father....THAT is why I have a problem with this.  I mean really, its not even her own biological kids that are getting more, its her sister's kids. 

    So what you are saying is that she has to worry about what her neices are getting and if her SKs are not getting the same she is a bad SM? That's rediculous!

  • I don't think there's anything "ridiculous" about expecting a father to vacation with his kids.

    Twinkle doesn't have to post here, and she doesn't have to ask for anyone else's opinions, but she did, and she got honest responses.  How is that grounds for shutting down a post?

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • imagefellesferie:

    Your posts don't make sense, Twink. You started out in your OP saying that you know your brother and his family would welcome them on the vacation and that it was just you that wanted the time to "soak up" the time with your family.

    Now you're saying that it shouldn't be on your brother to accept them because they aren't his family?

    Following your logic, when we go to CA this summer to visit DH's family, we shouldn't take DS because he's not biologically related and therefore not their family? I truly cannot imagine my reaction if DH asked that we not take DS so that he could spend quality time with his nieces. You'd have to scrape my jaw off the floor.

    Fortunately for us, no one on either side of our family acts that way. 

    I think people here would have less issue with the things that you post if you at least acted like you wanted to forge a relationship with your skids and that you wanted the best for them. 

    Your analogy makes no sense. She doesn't live with her SKs, so it's not the same thing. Do your job and lock this post. Oh wait you're on the side, so you won't.

  • imageJ&A2008:

    I don't think there's anything "ridiculous" about expecting a father to vacation with his kids.

    Twinkle doesn't have to post here, and she doesn't have to ask for anyone else's opinions, but she did, and she got honest responses.  How is that grounds for shutting down a post?

    I have to question your reading comprehension. When did I say expecting a father to vacation with his kids is rediculous? I said that expecting TWINK or anyone for that matter to have to provide the same treatment that the neices are getting is rediculous.

  • imagePhantomgirl:

    OFFS we have a board full of martyrs.

    Twink if you want to go on holidays with your family without the skids then go.  I would and I would not feel one bit guilty about it.

    It is not your (or your families) responsibility to make sure your step kids have a holiday, it is their parents responsibility.  If your DH is up for holidaying without them then great - go for it.

    A holiday to me does not include kids, when I'm ready to give up my kids free holidays I will have a baby.  Until then I will dame sure go hang out with my family till the wee hours if I like and I don't care if my brother takes his son - that's his choice.  If your DH feels it is wrong then he can stay home with them or take them to Disney World while your with your family. 

    Every year we holiday with DH family and all the kids including SS.  It is my choice up to that day if i want to go.  I have always gone and enjoy it  BUT DH will go regardless and take SS - because it is HIS responsibility to make sure SS gets to hang with his cousins.

    By marrying your DH you did not assume responsibility for those kids UNLESS the mother is not involved and that is the position you KNEW you were marrying into. You do not have to contribute money to them , you do not have to plan vaca's for them, you do not have to worry about their future.  However, you do have to accept your DH has to do all of that and not interfere with it.  You also have to make sure that those kids feel welcome and comfortable while in our home.

    Every child on this planet has the right to be loved, cared for and made feel special and it is their parents job to make sure they do.  

    You are not WRONG to want to go on holidays without them, in fact i think it is probably normal.  Let's face it other peoples kids are not that much fun.   

     

    THIS exactly!

    Your whole post is right in my eyes. I love the honesty in this. 

  • imageha-p-mommy:
    imageJ&A2008:

    I don't think there's anything "ridiculous" about expecting a father to vacation with his kids.

    Twinkle doesn't have to post here, and she doesn't have to ask for anyone else's opinions, but she did, and she got honest responses.  How is that grounds for shutting down a post?

    I have to question your reading comprehension. When did I say expecting a father to vacation with his kids is rediculous? I said that expecting TWINK or anyone for that matter to have to provide the same treatment that the neices are getting is rediculous.

    Well, thanks for the laugh, again.  Try this: "ridiculous"

    Secondly, did you understand Illumine's point?  Twinkle and her DH are flying to Florida to meet up with her neices to play and have fun family time.  Shouldn't that fun family time include DH's kids?  Isn't it strange that Twinkle would arrange a family vacation with the neices but not DH's own children? 

    Your response was that this was "rediculous" to which I asked why this was such a strange notion that Twink's DH would want to take his kids on a family vacation.  Following so far?  So, then you indicated you don't think it's ridiculous for a dad to want a vacation to include his kids...  So, where are we now?

     

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • imagePhantomgirl:

    A holiday to me does not include kids, when I'm ready to give up my kids free holidays I will have a baby.  Until then I will dame sure go hang out with my family till the wee hours if I like and I don't care if my brother takes his son - that's his choice.  If your DH feels it is wrong then he can stay home with them or take them to Disney World while your with your family. 

      

    This is the place I disagree with you. You want a kid free vacation, but you want don't kids. At least not now, but possibly not ever (at least that's what I've gotten from your posts) And that's fine. But OP wants a baby. NOW. It's only because of those pesky skids that she can't have one yet.

    And you and I both know, if she had a bio child it would be going with on that "family" vacation. So it's not that she wants to be kid free, it's that she wants to free of only certain kids.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imageJ&A2008:
    imageha-p-mommy:
    imageJ&A2008:

    I don't think there's anything "ridiculous" about expecting a father to vacation with his kids.

    Twinkle doesn't have to post here, and she doesn't have to ask for anyone else's opinions, but she did, and she got honest responses.  How is that grounds for shutting down a post?

    I have to question your reading comprehension. When did I say expecting a father to vacation with his kids is rediculous? I said that expecting TWINK or anyone for that matter to have to provide the same treatment that the neices are getting is rediculous.

    Well, thanks for the laugh, again.  Try this: "ridiculous"

    Secondly, did you understand Illumine's point?  Twinkle and her DH are flying to Florida to meet up with her neices to play and have fun family time.  Shouldn't that fun family time include DH's kids?  Isn't it strange that Twinkle would arrange a family vacation with the neices but not DH's own children? 

    Your response was that this was "rediculous" to which I asked why this was such a strange notion that Twink's DH would want to take his kids on a family vacation.  Following so far?  So, then you indicated you don't think it's ridiculous for a dad to want a vacation to include his kids...  So, where are we now?

     

    ohhhh ok I mispelled something and now you're making fun of me, I get it. GROW UP!

    Yes I understand the situation completely. The neices can go or not that has nothing to do with her HAVING to take the SKs. That's the brothers decision. She should be able to spend time with her neices. That doesn't mean she HAS to take her SKs.

    Ok so did I mispell something else? You are desperate to find things to make fun of, it's sad.

  • imagehterry85:
    imagePhantomgirl:

    A holiday to me does not include kids, when I'm ready to give up my kids free holidays I will have a baby.  Until then I will dame sure go hang out with my family till the wee hours if I like and I don't care if my brother takes his son - that's his choice.  If your DH feels it is wrong then he can stay home with them or take them to Disney World while your with your family. 

      

    This is the place I disagree with you. You want a kid free vacation, but you want don't kids. At least not now, but possibly not ever (at least that's what I've gotten from your posts) And that's fine. But OP wants a baby. NOW. It's only because of those pesky skids that she can't have one yet.

    And you and I both know, if she had a bio child it would be going with on that "family" vacation. So it's not that she wants to be kid free, it's that she wants to free of only certain kids.

    What's wrong with her not wanting to take SKs? 

    She's their SM not their BM. Their BM and BF should have to worry about their vacations not her. If she does, or you do then good for you but it's not a responsibility as a SM.

    Their Dad can plan something for them as a family. She shouldn't have to take them to HER family vacation.

  • imageha-p-mommy:

    OK Felles so why haven't you blocked this post? They have called the OP a troll, selfish snot, insanely stupid, wicked SM and so on. You only stop the posting when it's to your convenience. Since it's not your friends being attacked it's ok right?

    You (not all) but most of you are wrong. You think that she has to take her SKs because that's what you would do. Well that's fine and good for you, but not everyone that doesn't do what you do is stupid, selfish or wicked.


    Oh, hi ha-p-mommy.

    Well, shall we compare this post with the one of yours that I eventually locked? Yours started out as a flame calling everyone here mean and terrible. Eventually it devolved into personal attacks against peoples appearance and pretty much any even pseudo constructive discussion ceased.

    In this one, twink elicited opinions about her thoughts and decision and she got them. She's posted here a lot and knows what she's getting when she posts. So I take that as a pretty implicit indication that she's okay with it. So far, you're really the only one to show up here trying to derail the post for the sake of causing drama and problems (even though we're the a-holes, right?).

    Until someone decides to start belligerently berating her for things off topic or wants to say she has an ugly wedding dress (which she doesn't) or attacking other posters, then I don't really have a problem with the thread. If twink wanted the post locked, I would be happy to lock it for her.

    I would also challenge you to find a single person on this board who would call me a "friend." There are people on this board that I respect and like their posts, but I've not had so much as a chat with hardly anyone. But nice try.

    In terms of the OP, you're entitled to your opinion--the same as everyone else here. I think it's ridiculous to want want want a baby and eschew a relationship with your skids. I also think it's fine that other people disagree.  

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  • Well, then I guess what makes the most sense is for Twinkle to do her family vacation in FL with her neices and for her H to decide where he wants to take his kids for their family vacation and everything can be nice and neat and separate, just like she wants.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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