MIL Vent

SLO2005 · April 2011

My MIL did not become incredibly annoying until we had a kid. I swear when DH and I argue 9 out of 10 times it is because of her. DH and I both work full time so we have two days a week that we spend with our LO by ourselves. MIL thinks that we should include her EVERY weekend. Sometimes we just want to relax and hang out the three of us. She is also manipulative. My father has a serious debilitating illness and is in a nursing home. My mother spends everyday with my dad visiting. My MIL called my mother and asked her to come to Easter dinner. Although this sounds nice it is her way to be manipulate us to come to her house for Easter. She has done this in the past "Well your family is coming here so where else would you go?". Anyway my mom politely declined and said she would be spending the day w/ my dad. Well MIL proceeded to lecture her about how she shouldn't spend everyday there and she should do more for herself etc. (Can you say my FIL is screwed if he ever gets seriously ill). My mother is just not like that, she married for better or worse and I know I would be similar. Oh and now her new tactic is if we don't call her on the weekend she just shows up at our house. We live like 15 mins away, she doesn't call or anything. The other day she showed up and DH was out and my LO was asleep, and we had my cousin working in the basement. As most of you know naptime is when you either relax or get some stuff done so I didn't feel like entertaining. I said politely "DH is not home, LO is asleep and now is not a good time". Her response "Well we can still visit". I totally lied and said "Ya, I don't feel good". It is like the more she pushes the more she pushes me away. Anyone in this situation? When I do go over to her house she totally undermines me. For example last time we were over when it was time to leave. I said well DH has made us lunch LO time to go home andof course MIL is like you can eat here, we can feed him. I said no thanks DH has made lunch already I am going to just run to the bathroom and leave. When I come out of the bathroom LO is sitting at the kitchen table eating cheerios. WTF? Now I have to rip him away from eating Cheerios. So I picked him up yelling and left.

Can anyone relate? I am going to lose my mind!!!

gingerfamily · April 2011

I think you over-reacted on the cheerios.

Sounds like your husband needs to sit down and have a talk with his mother.

Karla and Alex · April 2011

I can completely relate! Like 100%. My MIL lives with us, a mother/ daughter style house. She's lonely, I get that, but it's not my job to entertain her. DH and I work full time and even though I work from home 2 days a week, my MIL always wants to come hang out with me and DD or she wants to see her on the weekends. And like you, I don't feel like entertaining when I'm trying to get my life in order or hey maybe I want to spend some alone time with my DD. Unfortunately she always knows when we're home, when we're going out, or when we're coming home. Don't get me wrong having a live-in sitter is great, DH and I can run out and go shopping after DD has gone to sleep and MIL will be comfortably hanging out. But it's a very tough balance. I can also relate to your cheerio situation, DD knows sign language, one of her fav signs is more, if she wants something she's very assertive and will ask, MIL thinks she needs to stuff DD silly. When we do have dinner with her, she's always trying to put more food on her plate even though we've asked her not to. If DD has too much food in front of her she plays with it instead of eating it. Unfortunately you have to pick your battles, and I would nip the randomly stopping by in the bud.. If I were you I'd not answer the door, let her ask you about it and simply say, oh next time call before you come over so you don't drive over here for nothing. maybe that will help get the point across without starting a huge problem.

SLO2005 · April 2011

Well I did let him finish eating the cheerios she gave him, but of course he wanted more because it was lunch time and I wasn't going to let him eat a meal of Cheerios. The thing is my DH has talked to her and NOTHING ever changes. We have talked about it and it seems like the only solution is to move further away from them. And we are not doing that in this housing market!

SLO2005 · April 2011

Karla and Alex:

I can completely relate! Like 100%. My MIL lives with us, a mother/ daughter style house. She's lonely, I get that, but it's not my job to entertain her. DH and I work full time and even though I work from home 2 days a week, my MIL always wants to come hang out with me and DD or she wants to see her on the weekends. And like you, I don't feel like entertaining when I'm trying to get my life in order or hey maybe I want to spend some alone time with my DD. Unfortunately she always knows when we're home, when we're going out, or when we're coming home. Don't get me wrong having a live-in sitter is great, DH and I can run out and go shopping after DD has gone to sleep and MIL will be comfortably hanging out. But it's a very tough balance. I can also relate to your cheerio situation, DD knows sign language, one of her fav signs is more, if she wants something she's very assertive and will ask, MIL thinks she needs to stuff DD silly. When we do have dinner with her, she's always trying to put more food on her plate even though we've asked her not to. If DD has too much food in front of her she plays with it instead of eating it. Unfortunately you have to pick your battles, and I would nip the randomly stopping by in the bud.. If I were you I'd not answer the door, let her ask you about it and simply say, oh next time call before you come over so you don't drive over here for nothing. maybe that will help get the point across without starting a huge problem.

UGH, I would die if she lived with us. Sorry, that sucks!!!! Thanks for the suggestions about not answering the door. I think you are right I will try that. Honestly a lot of times I take a quick nap anyways when my LO is!

IEtoLA · April 2011

I couldn't handle this. I dealt with my MILs BS for the longest time and DH had to step up and tell her what the ground rules were. DHs family lives 80 miles away and wants us to visit them every weekend, which like you said, you sometimes just want to spend time alone just the 3 of you. We started just making our own plans and saying we weren't available even if we were planning in staying in all day and inviting them over when we were ready to have them over. I just wouldn't answer the door the next time she just shows up. Hopefully she doesn't have a key.

cajungirl0717 · April 2011

mrsh0606:

I think you over-reacted on the cheerios.

Sounds like your husband needs to sit down and have a talk with his mother.

I disagree. I would have done the exact same thing. Sounds like MIL only gave cheerios to undermind you. You just told her you were having lunch at your house. If that topic had not come up, I bet you would have not found your child eating the cheerios.

Your MIL sounds like a piece of work, and just like my MIL. Luckily for me, we live 4 hours away and Shawn doesn't care for his mother as your husband does for his.

HuneyofJeremy · April 2011

It sounds like you have more of a DH problem than a MIL problem. If your DH will not say anything to her and you guys fight over it, nothing is going to change. You and DH need to be on the same page and then HE needs to talk to his mother. If your DH will not talk to her, then he is the problem.

PizzaBride · April 2011

Karla and Alex:
I can completely relate! Like 100%. My MIL lives with us, a mother/ daughter style house. She's lonely, I get that, but it's not my job to entertain her. DH and I work full time and even though I work from home 2 days a week, my MIL always wants to come hang out with me and DD or she wants to see her on the weekends. And like you, I don't feel like entertaining when I'm trying to get my life in order or hey maybe I want to spend some alone time with my DD. Unfortunately she always knows when we're home, when we're going out, or when we're coming home. Don't get me wrong having a live-in sitter is great, DH and I can run out and go shopping after DD has gone to sleep and MIL will be comfortably hanging out. But it's a very tough balance. I can also relate to your cheerio situation, DD knows sign language, one of her fav signs is more, if she wants something she's very assertive and will ask, MIL thinks she needs to stuff DD silly. When we do have dinner with her, she's always trying to put more food on her plate even though we've asked her not to. If DD has too much food in front of her she plays with it instead of eating it. Unfortunately you have to pick your battles, and I would nip the randomly stopping by in the bud.. If I were you I'd not answer the door, let her ask you about it and simply say, oh next time call before you come over so you don't drive over here for nothing. maybe that will help get the point across without starting a huge problem.

I would do this, or you could also try, "Oh, I don't usually answer the door if it's just DD & I home & I'm not expecting anyone."

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