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5th night of Ferber=I'm more exhausted and frustrated than ever

SofkaSofka
in D.C. Area Babies

as a F/U to my previous post https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/52100430.aspx

night 4 was not too horrible, he woke up every 90mins or so but put himself to sleep almost every time w/n 5mins. DH only had to go in 1-2times. Of course waking up every 90min meant I was up every 90mins which sucks hugely!

Last night was night 5 and I just don't know what to do!! He did the 90min thing but then at sometime before midnight he did the same thing he did a couple of nights ago, where he just would NOT stop screaming for over 1.5hrs. The worst is that he'd fall asleep for 2-3mins and then get up and start screaming again. Horrible does not describe it.

I did one thing differently and if this is not the answer, I am out of ideas!! The last 4 nights when he'd wake up around 4-5am, I'd go get him and nurse him in bed and we'd go back to sleep. I started thinking (b/c what else is there to do at 1am?!?) that when he wakes up at 12-1am he does not know it's midnight and not 4-5am and he expects me to go get him. So this morning at 4:15am, I stumbled into his room and turned on the (bright night) light and nursed him and dressed him (all the while barely keeping 1 eye open) and started playing w/ him. I'm hoping that by not taking him to bed with me and by pretending it's morning he'll stop expecting co-sleeping and stop waking up at 12am. And perhaps move up the 4:15 to say, 6??

ideas? thoughts? I hope I was coherent..... now to stay awake at work!!

 

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Re: 5th night of Ferber=I'm more exhausted and frustrated than ever

  • MrsPhilDunphyMrsPhilDunphy
    imageSofka:

    I did one thing differently and if this is not the answer, I am out of ideas!! The last 4 nights when he'd wake up around 4-5am, I'd go get him and nurse him in bed and we'd go back to sleep.

    Aha. See, this sounds like a huge mixed signal to me since the whole point of Ferberizing is to teach him to soothe himself to sleep, in his bed, without nursing. If you want to still nurse at night (and I'm considering 4am night!),  I wouldn't do it in bed. I would do it in his room, in the dark and then put him back down.

    But at this point, since he's already 10  months old and you've had so much trouble I would probably just drop the night feedings all together. Come up with a reasonable wake up time and nurse him then. And I'm well aware that that is easier said then done!

    Good luck!

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  • WinesNotWhinesWinesNotWhines
    Maybe he's not ready to soothe himself to sleep yet? I know most babies are ready by 10 months, but maybe he needs another couple of months before he's ready.
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  • UseonfireUseonfire
    Have you thought of hiring a sleep specialist to spend a night or two at your house and help? I know of people on my parenting board who have done that and think it's the best money they'd ever spent in their lives. 
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  • Amy&Steve0421Amy&Steve0421 member

    Maybe you could try some intermediate steps between co-sleeping and sleeping on his own.  You could put the crib right beside your bed and then move it a few inches every couple of nights so he gets used to sleeping on his own. 

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  • SofkaSofka

    I do think I confused him a little bit. We are teaching him two things at once - falling asleep on his own and doing it in his own bed.

    The crib is too big to fit thru the doorways.

    I'll give it 2-3 more nights, he is a very difficult baby so it's possible he's just not ready. But I don't think I could do this again in a month or 2. It's too heartbreaking to hear him cry (and I can't turn off the monitor when I know he's crying!)

    ETA: he doesn't need to eat at night, he's about 21lbs and eats all day long, and still takes in about 16-18oz of BM just from bottles.

     

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  • WinesNotWhinesWinesNotWhines
    It may be too much all at once. We didn't co-sleep with M in the same bed, but we had a co-sleeper (portable PnP type of thing that attached to our bed). When we decided we wanted to move him to his crib, we did things gradually. First we moved the co-sleeper to the other side of our bedroom. Then we moved the co-sleeper to the nursery for a while. Then we actually put M to sleep in his crib. After a couple of weeks of that, we did modified Ferber. By then, he was used to sleeping in his crib in his own room, so he didn't freak out as much when he woke up in the crib. If we had suddenly moved him from our bed to his crib in his own room and Ferbered all at once, I don't think it would've worked so well.

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  • 2vthokies2vthokies
    No real advice Sofka, just hugs.  We never did Ferber with K and don't need to do it with S (However, the 2 yo doesn't STTN and the 7 month old does.  Go figure.  Can you Ferber to 2 yo, LOL?).  It does sound like you may be doing too much. Maybe start with sleeping in the crib all night, and keep nursing when needed.  Once he can handle the crib, start the night weaning.
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  • SofkaSofka

    yes, I agree it may have been too much; tonight I'll nurse him whenever he wakes up, put him down and have DH Ferberize as needed.

    and yes, you can Ferberize a 2.5 y.o.!

     

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