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baby fever
I'm having major MAJOR baby fever right now. It was always my plan to have my kids (and I always only wanted 2 kids) to be 2-3 years apart. Well, DS is 2, and so I'm getting the "it's now or never" feeling. It doesn't help that my two best friends are each now pregnant with their 2nd kids, and are majorly fueling my baby fever.
My major hang up? The $$ for daycare. With DS having a late birthday, he'll be in daycare until he's ready for the 4yr old preschool, which won't be until 2013. In order to have a 2nd, we'd have to pull him out of the center that we LOVE and think is amazing, to find either a nanny or an in-home that's less expensive.
I'm giving myself a major guilt trip that we'd somehow be depriving DS of a better environment just to give in to my selfish need to have another baby. And then the 2nd baby would also be in a less nice environment, since we couldn't afford to send him/her to the daycare we sent DS. If we wait until 2013, I'll be 35, and DS and the baby will be 4-5 years apart. Not the end of the world, but it just seems SO FAR away, and not at all the dream of a family I had envisioned. I'm also feeling guilt that I have such an awesome relationship with my sister, and we're 2 years apart... and DH and his brother are 2 years apart... so the further we get from that, the more I feel that DS and his sibling won't be as close relationship-wise 
Any advice or people that feel the same way? Did anyone go through this and just say "we'll figure it out somehow" or get through the wait and space their kids farther apart?
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Re: baby fever
Like you, I wanted my kids close together in age and so did DH. So, to me, just my opinion, I would not put off having a second child for anything unless it would literally put me in the poor house to pay for two in daycare. If you have the $$ to have two in daycare, then why wait?
I think what you're saying is that to afford two in daycare, you'd have to leave a daycare center you love, is that right? I'm not so sure about planning your pregnancies and spacing your kids based on a certain preferred daycare center. Is that what you're saying? There are so many daycare options out there, I'd hesitate to plan my life around someone's business. Centers can close, they can be sold a different owner, they can become less great as the years go by, etc.
I guess for me I felt so strongly about the kids being close in age, we are bending over backwards to pay for three in daycare right now.
ETA: And yes, I know there is no guarantee that having the kids close in age is going to somehow magically make them closer in their relationships with each other - certainly kids who are close in age could end up despising each other - and certainly my DH has a brother who is ten years younger than him and he's really close with him - so bla bla bla - we still wanted our kids close in age. I wanted to get all my pregnancies/newborn stages over with while I was still in my 30's (my youngest is five months old and I'll be 37 this year).
I'm a SAHM and have never dealt with daycare decisions, so I may sound like I'm oversimplifying the situation. But I'd think that you should go for #2 now if you're feeling the fever. You have a great thing going with your current daycare, but if that's your main sticking point, a year or two in an almost-as-nice place isn't going to harm DS. On the flip side, I'm a big believer in the importance of siblings and think spacing them between 2 and 4 years apart is ideal (just from personal experience; of course that's not a one-size-fits-all thing). What you'd be giving him in a little brother or sister close in age would, in the long run, far outweigh anything he might miss out on by not being at the fabulous daycare for a little while. And it's definitely not a "selfish need" on your part to want another kid.
Go for the "dream of a family [you] had envisioned;" I can't imagine you'll regret it.
Could you put Baby#2 in a cheaper place for the first two years and keep DS at his current place (I'm sure the logistics of that could be annoying)? Maybe you can get a multi-child discount to help defray the cost? Depending on when #2 arrives and what maternity leave you have, perhaps there won't be much of an issue after all.
Pretty sure you're not going to be able to talk yourself out of the fever now matter how many logical arguments you present to yourself and how practical you try to be
Like pps, if the only thing holding you back from expanding your family is switching childcare, I'd prioritize expanding the family. While it goes without saying it's good to have your finances straight before adding a family member, and leaving a daycare situation you love sucks, it's childcare. The major foundation that your kid will have growing up is your family. And as pps said, it's not age difference that makes siblings close - that's a whole different range of factors - but if it's the right time otherwise, you can find an alternative childcare situation to make it work. Good luck!
Raises hand.
I wish I were 8 or 9 months pregnant by now! Maybe this month...
I agree with the PP. You mentioned depriving #1 of the daycare that you love if you have #2 now. Well, the other way to think about it is that if you don't try for #2, then you are depriving #1 of a sibling close in age which is something that you mention is important to you. Also, there are no guarantees about how long it will take to get pregnant. So, if it were me, I would go for it.
I guess it's not this, exact, daycare... but more like daycares like this. All of the centers in my area that have high quality are right around the same cost. To step down would mean going the in-home route, where they don't do the field trips, the projects, the teacher training, etc. They're not horrible, but feels like "less quality". As silly as it sounds, I compare it to settling for a "so-so" public school because you can't afford the two kids at a private school.
But I also feel like I'm making this out to be WAY more important than it really is. It's DAYCARE for chrissake. But they do such a good job at teaching him so much... I feel like he has such a good start on his social skills like manners, clean up, sharing, etc... they are awesome at reinforcing all of that stuff, not to mention the actual learning numbers/letters/days of the week, etc. It's so hard to get over the mentality that giving your kids a head start or an advantage on this type of stuff will mean they will do better later on. I just really want DS to have the best I can give, and anything less seems like I'm being selfish.
Tell me I'm crazy
God, I hate to think how I'm going to feel when he's ready to enroll for kindergarten, if the right daycare is stressing me out... gah!
* blog * first baby blog * baby 2.0 blog * twitter *
We are in the same boat in terms of weighing the pros/cons of timing for #2. I *think* we are going to bite the bullet and start TTC later this year. I'll be 36 this summer so to quote Johnny Cash/June Carter Cash, "Time's a wasting." That would make our kids about 3 years apart.
My two cents on the daycare issue. Can you have #2 in a cheaper option (ie in-home) until #1 goes to kindergarten? In that case, you'd have a year or two of overlap but then, assuming, #1 goes to public school, you'd be able to move #2 into the center you want when he/she is a year-18 months and only be paying daycare tuition for one? Maybe as gtown suggested, take a hard look at your budget and see where you can cut to allow for that scenario?
Not crazy - I take it you feel really stongly about center care over in home. Strong enough to overcome your baby fever and your desire to have kids close in age?
All three of my kids were/are in in-home daycare and I think they have a wonderful head start. Now that my oldest is out of the in-home and in a Montessori preschool that we completely love, I feel like she's almost ready to skip Kindergarten already. The plan is to send the other two kids there too.
But I wouldn't ever try to convince anyone that they're crazy for preferring center care. We all have different priorities as parents!
This is actually what I'm weighing. I think we can afford one in the other daycare until DS is in kindergarten... and then hope that the waitlist clears up again for #2 to attend.
Part of me also thinks that there is NEVER going to be a "right" time to do this... so to just do it and make it work. But I have to make sure that it's not my biological clock talking!
* blog * first baby blog * baby 2.0 blog * twitter *
That is a great idea - you may actually be able to have your cake and eat it too.
If you'd ask me a year ago how the heck we were going to pay for three in daycare (or, more accurately, two in daycare and one in a private preschool) you'd have seen me break down in tears. But we made adjustments, and DH is working a lot of extra hours (which for him = more bonus $), so he's working his ass off and I have the kids by myself more which is a little stressful sometimes, and money is TIGHT, but we tell ourselves it's only until DD #1 enters Kindergarten. That's our version of just "making it happen."
ETA: Or as Tim Gunn would say, Make It Work!!!
We actually had DS in an in-home for his first year (which, in our old neighborhood, actually cost the SAME as the center)... so I'm totally open to that. I should say that I don't have a blanket preference for centers vs. in-homes. I know of in-homes that my friends use (not in our area) that I'd love to find for DS and would probably like better than the centers, but for us, the centers we found we liked better than the in-homes that were available. The in-home that we'd try to get in for #2 is in our new neighborhood... and it's "techincally" an in-home, but the woman employs several "teachers" and pretty much run a center out of her home (for almost half the cost of what we pay for the other center). It's a great place, but we just don't like it as much as we like the center he's in now. So I didn't mean to come off as prefering centers to in-homes in general.
I'm going to have a long talk with DH soon... and gauge how he feels. He was gung ho a few months back about trying for #2, but with the new house he's been stressed about money (even though we're doing great)... and I have a feeling the longer I wait, the more he's ok with waiting. So maybe NOW is the time!!
Thanks ladies, I really appreciate all the support! I have more pros to add to my biological clock argument... here's hoping I can still have my kids close!
* blog * first baby blog * baby 2.0 blog * twitter *
just go for it!!