How do I respectfully decline hosting a baby shower for my SIL?

Bellisimo · November 2008

Long story, but my SIL went through IVF and is now expecting twins just 9 wks. after my due date. Yay SIL. Anyway, she lives out of state. Yesterday at a family get together one of the cousins on that side of the family approached me and said, "We can have her shower at your house since it's bigger or we can just have it at my house." basically assuming that I'll be hostessing a shower for her. The problem is that I'm due to have a scheduled C Section right around the time SIL would normally have a shower. It's is WAY too early to be trying to figure all of this out since she's only 9 wks. preg. at this point. The problem that I have is that the cousin just basically assumed that I'll be throwing SIL a shower...and I have a sneaking suspicion it's because my MIL expects me to and probably told the family that I would....without asking me first. Am I wrong in thinking that showers are usually thrown willingly and by the hostesses offer and not by being appointed or told to out of expectations? I would have offered to host a shower for her IF I wasn't going to be either 9 mo. pregnant or having just had a baby. Most of her lifelong friends from highschool and her entire family live here, so I know there are plenty of people here that could throw her a shower.

There are so many variable factors that go into planning a shower for her since she lives out of state and who knows if she'll be able to travel later in her pregnancy to come home for a shower...not to mention the fact that she could deliver early, etc. Should I just ignore the comments from yesterday made by the cousin and let time pass and later state the fact that I will most likely be unable to host a shower? How would you handle it? I'm always afraid of making myself look like an a$$ especially when it comes to my husband's side of the family.

CubbyMama · November 2008

I think you're right. I'd let it go for now, and if it comes up again, you can just say, "I'm out of the running since my baby is due right around then!" I can't imagine anyone actually thinking you should host a shower a few days post-partum or a few days away from giving birth...if they do, they're freaks!

jerseysunrays · November 2008

I agree with PP. Or if you can't get out of it, maybe find a few people to co host with so you're not stuck doing all of the work.

winery · November 2008

As usual, ditto Cubby.

cranburycakes · November 2008

I think you are absolutely right. I would also just ignore it for now. If it comes up again tell whoever asks/assumes that you would LOVE to host a baby shower for SIL under different circumstances but that unfortunately you obviously won't be able to do it since you will will either be very pregnant or have a newborn. Plus, since she is having twins, she is likely to deliver early.

It's amazing how little tact people have when it comes to shower. One friend actually asked our other friend if she wanted to throw her shower, then she sent out the invitations herself and included registry info. on them. Totally not my style.

JOEBunny · November 2008

I would have your DH deal with it if needed. Otherwise, I would just ignore the comment. No I would not be throwing a shower that close to my due date. I was on bedrest with DD by 34 weeks, so I am not making any plans after about 30 weeks that cannot be easily changed or cancelled.

GettinNervous · November 2008

I had a C-section, and I can tell you that I was not anywhere near "normal" for 2 months. The first month was awful, and if I had to host a party during that time I really think I would have had a breakdown.

Bellisimo · November 2008

Yep, you all are so right. I wasn't up for hosting ANYTHING in the last trimester of my pregnancy with DS....and then after he was born, well, um, let's just say I wasn't back to normal for what felt like a full year later! I don't know why I can't just grow a pair and tell people exactly what's on my mind at the moment!

AnnapolisLari · November 2008

I recovered fast, but yeah, you're not going to want to be hosting anything for a good while. Especially if you have another kid.

I'd just honestly say that the end of pregnancy and the first month or two post c/s is not a good time for you. End of story.

kertybird · November 2008

Send DH to do the dirty work. Have him talk to his MIL about his sisters shower and have him tel her no way.

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How do I respectfully decline hosting a baby shower for my SIL?

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