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schmoodle
member
WWYD re: toddler care when in hospital (LONG)
schmoodle
member
We're trying to figure out our best option for who should watch Toodle when I go into the hospital to deliver Boodle (and, as morbid as this sounds, I don't consider it jinxing to talk about this because I realize that whether or not she makes it, I'll still have to spend 2 days in the hospital to deliver and recover).
Our options are:
1) MIL: She lives in TX so would have to fly here in advance of me delivering.
Pros
-Toodle would be at own house/bed/schedule so less disruptive.
-She'd already be at house when I went into labor or in for induction (hopefully).
-One on one attention may be preferable at a time that might be stressful for him.
Cons
-No idea when I'll go into labor or be induced so she might not be here yet or may come early and have to spend weeks at our house.
-Not crazy about having a houseguest when I come home from the hospital
-She doesn't know the area and would have to drive our car to the city to visit at the hospital (if we even have a second car yet) and navigate driving in a larger city than she's accustomed and I worry about her getting lost or dealing with big city traffic/drivers, OR she'll be housebound with him and what if there was an emergency and how could she bring him to visit us at the hospital?
2) Brother and SIL
Pros
-They live here so easier to coordinate.
-He knows them better (and they've watched him overnight before the one time he stayed anywhere without us).
-He'll have his cousins to distract him and play with (and he loves his cousins).
-They know the city/area well and the hospital so no concerns about them bringing him to visit us. Have their own car with carseats he can use (my nephew's).
Cons
-They live 30-45 minutes soif I go into labor spontaneously I worry about something going wrong before I get to hospital (which is already about an hour away without that detour).
-They live with SIL's parents right now and I doubt their house is childproofed very well b/c her mom is old school on stuff like that (I especially worry about him waking at night and trying to get to SIL's bed and ending up tumbling down the stairs).
-I think it might be scarier for him to sleep at a stranger's house than his own, even with people he knows/trusts. As I said, we've only been away from him overnight once ever. Although SIL said my brother can come stay here with him at night too, but my brother's a big guy and the idea of him bedsharing with Toodle (no way he'll sleep on his own all night) kind of makes me nervous as well even thoguh Toodle will be 2 years old.
So, what would you do? Sorry this is so long!!!
*** It's funny because I'm fat ***
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD re: toddler care when in hospital (LONG)
I'd be inclined to take the MIL route if you want help afterwards. If you want to JUST cover Toddle while you're in the hospital, then the BIL will work. You might be surprised at how little he'll care about spending the night in a new place - he'll be so busy and new and fun that he might just crash hard and not have the same sleep issues as home.
I would do a mix of both. Keep him home, in his bed, but have bro and sil keep him some during the days?
Can/will DH stay with you during the night at the hosptial? My experience with downtown hospitals (when pg with Nolan for some high risk stuff, so I know is limited) is that many do not have private rooms or allow hubs to sleep over.
What if Toodle stayed with BIL during the day, and DH took him at night?
If not MIL is not a bad option. She could take him in on the train which, and then take a cab to the hospital. I remember when we had Linc, it was really the first time Nolan was ever really "out of my total control" and that was probably the hardest part for me, but really I had to work on letting go some, and finding someone I trusted and loved to care for my baby, and focusing on delivering the healthy new baby coming into our lives.
Yeah, I don't know that I want help immediately afterwards. I prefer to have some time with just us to get into our groove and let me focus on nursing and stuff (and I won't nurse in front of anyone but DH so it's a pain to have to segregate to certain areas of the house for privacy, etc.) I wouldn't mind help later maybe, when DH goes back to work, but right away not sure I want it.
Yes, every room at our hospital is private, and DH can stay at the hospital with me and we both prefer that he do so. Particularly because we live over an hour away with horrendous traffic and he doesn't want to have to drive back and forth multiple times a day. And MIL can't take a train with Toodle if we have our car because she has no way to get to the train station. I trust her with him, she's watched him before, it's more logistical issues.
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
SIL said that my brother can sleep at our house with Toodle but he'd spend days at their (SIL's parents') place with the kids. It's only 2 days unless I end up w/ a c/s. I imagine they'd probably be at our house part of the time anyways. But I kind of prefer SIL to be watching him at bedtime over my brother because she's more alert and still nursing my nephew so I feel more comfortable with her bedsharing with him than my brother. Maybe I can see if they might want to all camp out at our place, LOL, it might be nice for them to have the privacy since they're staying with her parents.
We only planned for her to bring him once since I would hopefully only be there 2 days. But without a car even once can't be done. Dusk's idea about renting her a car may work though if we go that route.
This is what I was going to suggest. They very well may like a break from SIL's parent's house. Besides, I'm sure they'd love to help you out in any way they can.
I would have MIL plan on coming and use SIL/BIL if you go earlier than when she is coming. I would also get MIL a car (rent one) while she is here.
Might I make a suggestion, as someone who took care of twins for 3 days while thier mom had baby #3? .... Keep his routine as much like it normally is. If he should have school/daycare while your in the hospital then I would do that. Also dad coming home at night might be a really good idea. Yes it means you are alone with baby #2 but DS might need the consistancy. Again just my 2 cents, but I know these things helped when I watched my guys.
I would have your MIL come in, and let SIL bring her to the hospital with Toodle
Or rent her a car.
We had my mom fly in several weeks before DS was born for the same reason, plus I had back-up care lined up through a few friends in case I went into labor early, etc.
I agree with this, or have your B/SIL and family stay at our house.
We also have friends near us that were on "standby" in case I went into labor quickly overnight. They live right down the street and wouldn't have minded sleeping on our couch with the baby monitor until my parents arrived. If you could have an neighbor do that, then maybe if you go into labor overnight, you could have B/SIL come over and relieve them. Then your MIL could come in to watch Toodle at your house.
So I guess I am suggesting a combination of both of them