Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
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Do you think it's easier for me?
First off I don't think that anyone is belittling my pain over the loss. I have a serious question and I want honest answers.
So many of the ladies on here with losses have no children yet. So do you think it is easier for me because I have my DD?
I'm upset about the whole thing, and a little depressed. I don't look forward to seeing my friends who knew we were expecting next week. But I also only cried when I got home from the dr. and when I told my mom on the phone. While things will make me sad or angry, nothing makes me break down.
Maybe it's because I don't have the fear that some ladies do of never being able to have a baby at all.
So honestly, what do you think?
E
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Re: Do you think it's easier for me?
I'm sorry for your loss.
It may have something to do with it. I know for me, I lost my baby a week ago. It was my second pregnancy, but the first was over six years ago. I adopted her out. Now I am scared to death that I won't be able to have a baby that I get to keep. I think that is one reason I am so upset over this.
I was talking to my mom about this the other day. She had me and my brother before she miscarried at 12 weeks. She said that having me (a crazy 4 year old) helped her get through the loss, because every time she felt so sad, she was able to focus on taking care of me and watching me grow.
I don't think it's easier for those who already have children, but I do think that the fears and feelings are different.
BTW: After my mom told me that I helped her get through the pain of that miscarriage, she said she wants to return the favor now. I thought that was sweet.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
I don't think it's any easier for anyone. Yes you do have your first child...but you still lost a child that was to be part of your family. Maybe you have fulfilled a need to have a biological child and part of you feels that drive can be a bit more patient this time.
I think maybe there's a part of your grief you haven't touched yet, and you may never get to that breakdown point. Every person deals with loss differently and everything and everyone in our lives has an impact on how we deal with things.
I wish you the best.
I think we all deal with things in different ways and we have different support systems. Your DD is part of that support and may be helping to ease your pain.?
I do not have any children but I have an amazing support system of many friends, family and co-workers (and this site). I am surprised at how quickly I have rebounded (so to speak) from this. ?
It still hurts. I am not over. I will not forget. I will not let it ruin my life! But I'm also not going to lock myself away and dwell on it and cry all of the time. It's not who I am.?
Like I said, I think we're all just different in how we deal and no one is wrong or right.?
Because my husband or I are carrying a balanced translocation on top of being older, we will have at least a 70% risk of miscarrying each pregnancy.
I believe that if we ever carry a baby to term, my m/c afterwards will still be very difficult but no where near as devistating. We wanted two children (and still do) but if we only have one miracle, I will still be so very happy.
Yes, I will grieve the child I will never have a chance to know but I will have one to hold in my arms. I have the very real fear we will never have a child and this emotion is amplified with every m/c.
I am already 37 so not only do I have this 70% miscarriage rate working against me, I have the others issue of being of advanced materal age. At the moment, I get pregnant easily (3x this year) but how long will that last?
I have a 17 month old son and had my 2nd m/c (both after he was born) a few weeks ago. I think everyone handles things in different ways, so it's impossible to say if it's easier for someone who already has a child.
Personaly, I am so grateful for my little boy, but I also can't shake the feeling that there are 2 other babies just a sweet and wonderful as him that I will never get to have a life with. On the other hand focusing my time and energy on him has helped tremendously.
I have 2 kids and recently miscarried my third pregnancy. I was very upset at first--I cried for about 3 straight days after I found out I was going to miscarry. I had a difficult m/c (hospitalized and needed blood transfusions), and focusing on recovering physically from it distracted me from the loss for a while. After I was finally recovered, the feelings of loss started to resurface occasionally. Now, 3 months after the m/c, I'm okay most of the time, but it still upsets me when I see other people with 3 kids or pregnant with their third (which suddenly seems to be everywhere I go).
Having my kids around has helped me a lot. They fill the house with so much laughter and joy that it's hard to stay depressed for too long. I think it would also be more difficult if I didn't know whether I could have any kids at all.
I'm sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))
DD, 1/7/05 * DS #1, 1/25/07 * DS #2, 11/11/09
Baby #4, EDD 11/11/12
m/c 7/30/08 at 12 weeks (blighted ovum, emergency D&C)
I am struggling with much the same situation. I have a healthy 17 month old son and just miscarried my second pregnancy at 8 weeks. I cried a lot when I thought it was happening, but since it actually did, I haven't really known what I am feeling.
?I do think, for me at least, there is an aspect of pain and fear that does not exist because I have had a healthy child. I am so grateful for him, and for the hope he gives me. He also keeps me very busy, which is both good and bad. I do think it has meant I haven't had the time and space to come to terms with our loss. I do struggle seeing pregnant women, and especially pregnant women with toddlers or women with toddlers and babies.
I do think there is an element to the loss that I would not have felt if this were my first pregnancy, similar to what one of the previous posters wrote. Since I know what a wonderful, complex, unexpected, amazing little boy my son is, I can't help but feel I lost a very real person who would have been both like him and very much his or her own person.?