How did you convince your SO??

auntteesa · April 2011

So I casually brought up having a baby to my hubby last night and he thought I was joking.

He's been anti-kids from the beginning, but since we've started having niece and nephews come along he has been softening to the idea. (I'm almost there!)

I know he'd make a great father, and we're probably still a few years out.

But that got me curious .... Did you have to convince your SO to have a baby and if so, how did you do it?

<<BEFORE YOU GET UP IN ARMS ABOUT MY QUESTION, READ MY OTHER POSTS ABOUT MY INTENTIONS FURTHER DOWN!>>

robinsokj · April 2011

If you want kids and he doesn't, no kids for you.

If children are that important to you find someone who you can share it with

andrew's wifey · April 2011

I didn't have to convince my husband to have kids. I found a guy that had the same ideas about what they wanted in life, and that involved having children.

SoCaliAli · April 2011

There is no convincing that can be done. For us DH was ready way before me and just had to be patient.

NavyClan · April 2011

having to convince/otherwise manipulate your spouse into such a huge lifechanging decision sounds like a recipe for resentment. And disaster. You both need to be 100% on board before kids.

mrsmacias2008 · April 2011

I said " I want a baby...now give me twins. "

heather_09_15_07 · April 2011

andrew's wifey:
I didn't have to convince my husband to have kids. I found a guy that had the same ideas about what they wanted in life, and that involved having children.

This.

+diana82+ · April 2011

I didn't. We both wanted kids.

mrsadamc 05 · April 2011

It took a while for DH to decide he was ready and when he was we started trying.

Wait until you are both ready to have kids or it will be a very difficult situation.

akalutts · April 2011

Hm. I can kind of sort of see where you are coming from, but not exactly. Basically, I didn't marry my DH until he agreed he would like to have a kid(s). We were together for a long time, and it was one of our sticking points. I would have left if he decided he officially did not want them.

So, IDK what to tell you since you are actually already married.

auntteesa · April 2011

robinsokj:
If you want kids and he doesn't, no kids for you.
If children are that important to you find someone who you can share it with

Actually, I just intended this post to be kind of fun.

So - just to clarify - I am not intending to trick my husband into kids. If he wants kids in a few years great. If not, I knew it from the start.

Now - that being said - does anyone have a story where they did have to be convinced?

Kate621 · April 2011

Did you discuss this before you were married? It was important to me to be with someone who had similiar life goals. My H and I discussed kids long before we were married so there was no convincing necessary.

Beabs · April 2011

It is Tuesday, so I'll bite.

I didn't convince him. I just poked holes in all the condoms and look what happened!

bensbabe · April 2011

auntteesa:
So I casually brought up having a baby to my hubby last night and he thought I was joking.
He's been anti-kids from the beginning, but since we've started having niece and nephews come along he has been softening to the idea. (I'm almost there!)
I know he'd make a great father, and we're probably still a few years out.
But that got me curious .... Did you have to convince your SO to have a baby and if so, how did you do it?

A) you shouldn't have to "convince" your SO to want kids. You may have discussions about the best time to start, but you should both be on the same page about wanting kids. If he doesn't want any, you need to find someone who wants them. That's something you should know going into a marriage & it's a dealbreaker if someone changes their mind.

someone "softening" to the idea of kids doesn't mean he wants them....just that he enjoys being around kids--something most people who don't want kids don't even want to do b/c they feel strongly about being "anti-kids"

C) I hate the fact that you are doing this to him. It's confusing if you both got married w/the same idea--no kids. And it's very sad that you think it's funny that you are "almost there" w/ "convincing" him. I would sit him down & see if he's really leaning toward 'one day' having kids. If he still feels the same about 'no kids, no way', then do yourselves a favor & get out. Let him lead the life he wants--childless, and find someone who wants to have kids to be with. Either one of you "giving-up" your dream about having/not having kids will be a very bad thing for your long-term relationship. If he does think that 'one day' he"ll want kids, discuss some goals, or at least a date to discuss these goals so that you aren't hanging on a thread for years, waiting for him to come around.

nikisnow · April 2011

DH and I were on the same page about NOT wanting kids when we got married. I don't know what made me change my mind, but I did. I was lucky that he was on board, but wanted to wait a while. So while I didn't have to convince him, we had a conversation about what his fears/concerns were, and made a plan to try once we took care of some of those things (saved some more money, started looking for a new house, etc).

heather_09_15_07 · April 2011

I'm sure a lot of girls on baby gaga did some "convincing" about how they were supposedly on the pill.

NavyClan · April 2011

bensbabe:
auntteesa:
So I casually brought up having a baby to my hubby last night and he thought I was joking.
He's been anti-kids from the beginning, but since we've started having niece and nephews come along he has been softening to the idea. (I'm almost there!)
I know he'd make a great father, and we're probably still a few years out.
But that got me curious .... Did you have to convince your SO to have a baby and if so, how did you do it?

A) you shouldn't have to "convince" your SO to want kids. You may have discussions about the best time to start, but you should both be on the same page about wanting kids. If he doesn't want any, you need to find someone who wants them. That's something you should know going into a marriage & it's a dealbreaker if someone changes their mind.
someone "softening" to the idea of kids doesn't mean he wants them....just that he enjoys being around kids--something most people who don't want kids don't even want to do b/c they feel strongly about being "anti-kids"
C) I hate the fact that you are doing this to him. It's confusing if you both got married w/the same idea--no kids. And it's very sad that you think it's funny that you are "almost there" w/ "convincing" him. I would sit him down & see if he's really leaning toward 'one day' having kids. If he still feels the same about 'no kids, no way', then do yourselves a favor & get out. Let him lead the life he wants--childless, and find someone who wants to have kids to be with. Either one of you "giving-up" your dream about having/not having kids will be a very bad thing for your long-term relationship. If he does think that 'one day' he"ll want kids, discuss some goals, or at least a date to discuss these goals so that you aren't hanging on a thread for years, waiting for him to come around.

psst. Op said she isn't ready yet either. I think this was an attempted intro/conversation starter that just went wrong.

hippotree · April 2011

I didn't. He had to convince me.

Lambie. · April 2011

+diana82+:
I didn't. We both wanted kids.

This.

MNgirl326 · April 2011

I poked a hole in the condom Wink

Wannalitter · April 2011

I told him I was still taking the shot but really I was just wearing a band aid for a couple days every few months.

caffinated_tulip · April 2011

The bastard switched out my birth control for sugar pills, that's how he convinced me!

goodgalpal · April 2011

I didn't have to convince my DH. We have been together since we were 17 and we both have discussed what we want out of life since we were teens. We always knew we'd try for children.

As far as timing, we aren't always on the same page. I slowly started mentioning having kids "someday" and then we would talk about when each of us may be ready to try. I was ready first emotionally (I am also older than DH), but then he said he was ready too. Now we both are ready to ttc but something recently came up that is going to make us have to wait until mid-fall to ttc. Another 6 mths of waiting, and that *almost* will kill me emotionally... But I am deciding to think about it positively. More time to save money, more time to lose some weight, more time to prepare the bedroom that will become a nursery (we need to paint it, even if it doesn't become a nursery somehow).

If DH had not wanted kids, I would not have married him. If we can't have kids biologically, then we plan to adopt. I am NOT ok with not having a child in my life.

MrsT2008 · April 2011

There was never a question of IF we were having kids - I wouldn't have married him if he knew he didn't want them - the question was WHEN we were having kids. And even then, there's no convincing. There isn't exactly a compromise - if someone isn't ready, then it's not time.

awollenweber · April 2011

I think it will come in time (as in years down the road...) and age. Neither DH nor I wanted kids in the beginning, we knew we did eventually, but people CONSTANTLY asked us. We sometimes replied, "We don't want kids." just to get them to stop asking every few months.

We've been married 6 years and both of us are now on the same page. We discussed it quite a bit last year and decided to officially start trying in the fall (I'm now 29 wks along).

Just give it time and occasionally bring up how much fun the nieces/nephews are... don't overwhelm him with the idea though or pursue it too much. Spend time doing fun things with children and it will eventually happen on its own.

Jenandtonica · April 2011

I have an Aunt Leesa.

auntteesa · April 2011

NavyClan:
bensbabe:
auntteesa:
So I casually brought up having a baby to my hubby last night and he thought I was joking.
He's been anti-kids from the beginning, but since we've started having niece and nephews come along he has been softening to the idea. (I'm almost there!)
I know he'd make a great father, and we're probably still a few years out.
But that got me curious .... Did you have to convince your SO to have a baby and if so, how did you do it?

A) you shouldn't have to "convince" your SO to want kids. You may have discussions about the best time to start, but you should both be on the same page about wanting kids. If he doesn't want any, you need to find someone who wants them. That's something you should know going into a marriage & it's a dealbreaker if someone changes their mind.
someone "softening" to the idea of kids doesn't mean he wants them....just that he enjoys being around kids--something most people who don't want kids don't even want to do b/c they feel strongly about being "anti-kids"
C) I hate the fact that you are doing this to him. It's confusing if you both got married w/the same idea--no kids. And it's very sad that you think it's funny that you are "almost there" w/ "convincing" him. I would sit him down & see if he's really leaning toward 'one day' having kids. If he still feels the same about 'no kids, no way', then do yourselves a favor & get out. Let him lead the life he wants--childless, and find someone who wants to have kids to be with. Either one of you "giving-up" your dream about having/not having kids will be a very bad thing for your long-term relationship. If he does think that 'one day' he"ll want kids, discuss some goals, or at least a date to discuss these goals so that you aren't hanging on a thread for years, waiting for him to come around.
psst. Op said she isn't ready yet either. I think this was an attempted intro/conversation starter that just went wrong.

YES! Apparently it went VERY wrong. Totally not my intention to have everyone up in arms.

PLEASE - I'm not trying to trick my husband into having kids! I worked for a non-profit that had low-income, abused kids come to the facility every day. I know exactly what a child born into an unwanted situation does to the child and parents. I have NO desire to raise a kid in that environment.

This was intended as a light hearted conversation.

Maybe I should rephrase the question:

Did anything humorous happen as a result of you bringing up the baby topic?

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