NBR: Great article about young girls clothing being too sexy

dawnies79 · April 2011

A friend of mine posted this article on FB and I thought I would share. Although I'm not a Mom yet, I have often thought about if we had a daughter how I would handle the issue of some of the young girls clothing selections being too sexy.

https://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/04/19/granderson.children.dress/index.html

JDCSKF · April 2011

I remember seeing a 6 year old at a sandwich shop with a short tennis skirt on. She kept bending over at the waist showing her underwear. I just wanted to scream 'bend at the knees!' because it was bothering me so much. I will admit, I'm very careful about the clothes my daughter wears.

MrsH_08 · April 2011

My potentially flamable reaction: I have to admit that I am in agreement with this article. It's bothered me for quite a long time. I see groups of young girls like this in the mall, and each looks more like a sexy 18-20-something than a 10-12 yr old child. My concerns are not only about how this can harm them, psychologically, later in life (eating issues, body image, sex/pregnancy, etc), but how this makes these young girls look to pervs and pedophiles now.

I think he somewhat hit the nail on the head with bold part:

"I don't care how popular Lil' Wayne is, my son knows I would break both of his legs long before I would allow him to walk out of the house with his pants falling off his butt. Such a stance doesn't always makes me popular -- and the house does get tense from time to time -- but I'm his father, not his friend.

Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, "No, and that's the end of it."

It's hard to imagine parents thinking it's cute for their little girl to wear a push-up bra (I didn't know those existed-- omg), so maybe they're trying to earn cool points with their kid.

I like Tina Fey's prayer statement about her daughter enjoying Barbies and drawing horses for far too long. :-) Sounds better to me. Maybe it's best that I'm starting with a boy, but I'm sure there will come a time when I will lose cool points for being his mom and not his friend.

LauraLynneC · April 2011

My daughter is a teen now - and she's still a modest dresser. But there were stores that we just plain walked out of because of their selections. I will NOT spend money at a store that encourages that.

I can't remember the name of the store now...but there was a store that we had an arm full of cute clothes at - the store was aimed for under 13 year olds...and they had THONGS for sale. I put everything on the counter and walked out. My daughter remembers the name of the store but I don't anymore...

ohyeahdollface · April 2011

I worked at Mighty'O Donuts for a while, and you could always tell who was not "a regular". Very family oriented place, lots of locals, and people you see often.

Once this mother and daughter duo came in the store. Mom was chatting on her phone, gave the girl some money and told her to pick. She was very sweet, and polite. But as soon as she turned around to head out the door, I honestly wanted to slap the mother. The little girl was no more than 6-7 with booty shorts on saying "sexy" across the butt.

I can understand the child not knowing that it was inappropriate to wear something like that. It should be the MOTHER who did not let her out of the house with that on, or buy it! No 6-7 year olds tush is "sexy".

LauraLynneC · April 2011

ohyeahdollface:

I worked at Mighty'O Donuts for a while, and you could always tell who was not "a regular". Very family oriented place, lots of locals, and people you see often.

Once this mother and daughter duo came in the store. Mom was chatting on her phone, gave the girl some money and told her to pick. She was very sweet, and polite. But as soon as she turned around to head out the door, I honestly wanted to slap the mother. The little girl was no more than 6-7 with booty shorts on saying "sexy" across the butt.

I can understand the child not knowing that it was inappropriate to wear something like that. It should be the MOTHER who did not let her out of the house with that on, or buy it! No 6-7 year olds tush is "sexy".

I *STILL* don't allow my daughter to wear words across her butt or her boobs...yes, I live in the dark ages...and yes, she'll probably rebel when she finally gets out from under my thumb. And my son has to wear his pants up at his waist. I'm 100% in the "parent not friend" camp.

McJen715 · April 2011

Having a girl scares the crap out of me for this reason. I think we'll become Amish in a few years. I grew up in a very strict home and don't resent it, and I hope that I can enforce the same rules like my folks did.

TJ and I were at Target this weekend and a mother/daughter pair walked by, the girl was 11-12ish. She and her mom were having a light conversation about her shopping selection and she said something to her mom about being excited for her "sexy" undies. Her mom asked her, "Who is going to see your chonies anyway?" Indifferent She said just the girls in the locker room at school, but still, why does a little girl that age need "sexy" undies? They grow up way to fast now, I agree with Lexi that I hope M plays with Barbies for too long a la the Tina Fey prayer.

dawnies79 · April 2011

MrsH_08:
My potentially flamable reaction: I have to admit that I am in agreement with this article. It's bothered me for quite a long time. I see groups of young girls like this in the mall, and each looks more like a sexy 18-20-something than a 10-12 yr old child. My concerns are not only about how this can harm them, psychologically, later in life (eating issues, body image, sex/pregnancy, etc), but how this makes these young girls look to pervs and pedophiles now.
I think he somewhat hit the nail on the head with bold part:
"I don't care how popular Lil' Wayne is, my son knows I would break both of his legs long before I would allow him to walk out of the house with his pants falling off his butt. Such a stance doesn't always makes me popular -- and the house does get tense from time to time -- but I'm his father, not his friend.

Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, "No, and that's the end of it."
It's hard to imagine parents thinking it's cute for their little girl to wear a push-up bra (I didn't know those existed-- omg), so maybe they're trying to earn cool points with their kid.
I like Tina Fey's prayer statement about her daughter enjoying Barbies and drawing horses for far too long. :-) Sounds better to me. Maybe it's best that I'm starting with a boy, but I'm sure there will come a time when I will lose cool points for being his mom and not his friend.

No flaming here! I agree with you 100%. I think he pretty much nailed exactly what I've always thought. I know my sister and I would never have been allowed to dress like I see many girls dressing today. The good thing is neither one of us ever wanted to. I think that came from our upbringing. I'm not sure what my parents did, but whatever it was it worked. I think a major part of it is parents wanting to be friends, not parents. He is right on with that.

dawnies79 · April 2011

McJen715:
Having a girl scares the crap out of me for this reason. I think we'll become Amish in a few years. I grew up in a very strict home and don't resent it, and I hope that I can enforce the same rules like my folks did.

Ahaha! Love it!

skenyon · April 2011

I was thinking this last night at swim class with L. A girl is his class of 3 year olds wear bikinis for class with little triangle tops and they are always riding up and showing her nipples. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with her parents. Oh and if the pants companies could please add an inch or so to the rise on little girls jeans that would be great. My neice and cousins constantly have their butt cracks hangin out no matter how hard thier mothers try to find pants that won't do this.

MSTie24 · April 2011

MrsH_08:
My potentially flamable reaction: I have to admit that I am in agreement with this article. It's bothered me for quite a long time. I see groups of young girls like this in the mall, and each looks more like a sexy 18-20-something than a 10-12 yr old child. My concerns are not only about how this can harm them, psychologically, later in life (eating issues, body image, sex/pregnancy, etc), but how this makes these young girls look to pervs and pedophiles now.
I think he somewhat hit the nail on the head with bold part:
"I don't care how popular Lil' Wayne is, my son knows I would break both of his legs long before I would allow him to walk out of the house with his pants falling off his butt. Such a stance doesn't always makes me popular -- and the house does get tense from time to time -- but I'm his father, not his friend.

Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, "No, and that's the end of it."
It's hard to imagine parents thinking it's cute for their little girl to wear a push-up bra (I didn't know those existed-- omg), so maybe they're trying to earn cool points with their kid.
I like Tina Fey's prayer statement about her daughter enjoying Barbies and drawing horses for far too long. :-) Sounds better to me. Maybe it's best that I'm starting with a boy, but I'm sure there will come a time when I will lose cool points for being his mom and not his friend.

Nothing flameworthy here, this is my take too. There were times when I was growing up that I didn't like what my parents made me do/wear/etc. but I saw later that it was for my own good. I have a terrific relationship with my parents and respect them tremendously and believe they did a great job parenting me and my sister. My job is exactly as the author described- I am Charlie's parent, not her BFF and there will probably be times when she is annoyed with me/DH as well. I trust that as she grows into an adult she will understand that we will always have her best interest at heart and make decisions with the goal of keeping her safe and healthy- physically, mentally and emotionally.

dawnies79 · April 2011

JDCSKF:
I remember seeing a 6 year old at a sandwich shop with a short tennis skirt on. She kept bending over at the waist showing her underwear. I just wanted to scream 'bend at the knees!' because it was bothering me so much. I will admit, I'm very careful about the clothes my daughter wears.

As you should be. I think it starts with the parents and if you are careful and teach her to really think about her choices she will follow your lead. Of course this is coming from someone that doesn't have children so it may not be that easy. I've always been a modest dresser...not frumpy, just modest. I still like cute trendy clothes, I just never felt like the "girls", or anything else needed to be hanging out all the time. I hope if I have a daughter I can instill that in her. Smile

IdahoGirl · April 2011

First - I agree wholeheartedly with the article. Being their parent, not their friend. Not letting them out of the house in inappropriate clothing (though having been through this already with the 21 year old s-kiddo, I haven't figure out how to keep them from changing once they're outside of the house). Being firm in your value system.

And it all depends on your parenting situation. You may see some kids whose parents aren't married and what's allowed with clothing.

But I got to thinking....

skenyon:
I was thinking this last night at swim class with L. A girl is his class of 3 year olds wear bikinis for class with little triangle tops and they are always riding up and showing her nipples. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with her parents.

I do think there's room for some squiggling here. Not much, but it is there. I'm not so worried about a baby's nipple showing. Shoot...I think you could take a baby into the pool in a swim diaper and nothing else. You can even do a two piece on a 3 year old tactfully (not saying this one was).

And short skirts? Madelyn's has short little skirts and her diaper cover or tights show all the time. She's 2. It's going to happen. If she were 4 or 5, different story, I'd need to be teaching her to be a bit more modest. Even then, she's a kid and it's going to happen. It's all in how we handle it, if we encourage it or say, "hey, kiddo, I see London, I see France..."

skenyon:

Oh and if the pants companies could please add an inch or so to the rise on little girls jeans that would be great. My neice and cousins constantly have their butt cracks hangin out no matter how hard thier mothers try to find pants that won't do this.

Amen!!!! It'd be nice to have stylish kids without it being SO faddish that you're either sewing their clothes yourself or having their tushies show.

ohyeahdollface · April 2011

skenyon:
Oh and if the pants companies could please add an inch or so to the rise on little girls jeans that would be great. My neice and cousins constantly have their butt cracks hangin out no matter how hard thier mothers try to find pants that won't do this.

I see this often with my niece who is four. Although her undies cover her crack, when she squats or bends over, I still wish they would do this!

I personally have this issue with pants for ME! I am tiny, and tall, always have been. When I was younger we LOVED the gap pants for little girls. My mom could buy the size in length that I needed (we had issues with high waters, and I wore overalls often because of this) and would use the cinch on the inside to make them fit and not fall down and show a plumbers butt.

Now I like my maternity pants best! The higher waist in the back keeps my butt covered. But even all the jeans in my size. (I shop juniors =/) have the waist so low that I am SCARED to sit down!

MrsH_08 · April 2011

I don't ever remember my sister or I wanting to dress sexy, esp not young. We went to Catholic grade school and all-girls Catholic HS. One would think we'd want to rebel from our 12 yrs of wearing a uniform, but I actually liked it. It's hard to decide what to wear and what looks good on you, every day. :-)

I'm actually more concerned about what happens when my child wants to be more sexy, and it's not about clothing. I feel/hope I'm prepared IF they get into stuff like I did. Not that I was *that* bad; it was just stuff I knew my parents wouldn't like. I hope I won't be fooled or have the wool pulled over my eyes. My parents still have no idea about some of the drinking, making out, parties, having sex, sexy lingerie, sneaking in/out of my boyfriend's house, etc, that happened in HS and my early 20's. I worry about things my kids will try to pull. My DH is 100% clueless and was nothing but a true good kid (even a nerd), so it's all on me. If they try the same stuff I did, I'm ready! But I'm sure the sneakiness has improved over the years. :-)

iHeartHimMore · April 2011

McJen715:
Having a girl scares the crap out of me for this reason. I think we'll become Amish in a few years.

Seriously!

I feel so unprepared to deal with these issues when she's a teenager, let alone when she's 7 or 8!

skenyon · April 2011

IdahoGirl:

First - I agree wholeheartedly with the article. Being their parent, not their friend. Not letting them out of the house in inappropriate clothing (though having been through this already with the 21 year old s-kiddo, I haven't figure out how to keep them from changing once they're outside of the house). Being firm in your value system.

And it all depends on your parenting situation. You may see some kids whose parents aren't married and what's allowed with clothing.

But I got to thinking....

skenyon:
I was thinking this last night at swim class with L. A girl is his class of 3 year olds wear bikinis for class with little triangle tops and they are always riding up and showing her nipples. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with her parents.

I do think there's room for some squiggling here. Not much, but it is there. I'm not so worried about a baby's nipple showing. Shoot...I think you could take a baby into the pool in a swim diaper and nothing else. You can even do a two piece on a 3 year old tactfully (not saying this one was).

And short skirts? Madelyn's has short little skirts and her diaper cover or tights show all the time. She's 2. It's going to happen. If she were 4 or 5, different story, I'd need to be teaching her to be a bit more modest. Even then, she's a kid and it's going to happen. It's all in how we handle it, if we encourage it or say, "hey, kiddo, I see London, I see France..."

skenyon:

Oh and if the pants companies could please add an inch or so to the rise on little girls jeans that would be great. My neice and cousins constantly have their butt cracks hangin out no matter how hard thier mothers try to find pants that won't do this.

Amen!!!! It'd be nice to have stylish kids without it being SO faddish that you're either sewing their clothes yourself or having their tushies show.

I fully agree I don't necessarily think that a little one can't wear a 2 peice, my neice does, but something more like a tankini or a top thats more "sports bra" like. It wasn't that her nipples bothered me as much as the thought of not being taught modesty.

dawnies79 · April 2011

MrsH_08:
I worry about things my kids will try to pull. My DH is 100% clueless and was nothing but a true good kid (even a nerd), so it's all on me. If they try the same stuff I did, I'm ready! But I'm sure the sneakiness has improved over the years. :-)

My DH and I are the opposite. We have already talked about the fact that it will fall more on him to catch sneekiness. I was a goodie two shoes and never really got into trouble. He was an absolute terror as a teen and young adult. If we have a rebel he will be waaay more in tuned with how their mind works than I will. Ha ha! Stick out tongue

dawnies79 · April 2011

I personally don't worry about babies wearing short skirts with their little diapers hanging out. I think it's kind of cute, and in no way sexy. When I read this article I immediately thought of the 8 - 18 year old girls out there. It's really awful to me that like PP's said parents are having a hard time finding pants that aren't low-rise. I have a 6 year old niece and I have heard that very complaint from my sister.

He makes a great point in the article that the clothing manufacturers are putting the clothing out there because there is a demand for it. If there wasn't, they wouldn't do it. I think the proof is in this post. Most of us have seen or see almost daily inappropriate clothing on young girls. No one in my immediate circle allows their daughter to dress sexy, but obviously many parents do. I honestly just don't get it.

Ciaram22 · April 2011

I feel like I'm going to be the parent that goes through my daughters backpack every morning to make sure she doesn't have a change of clothes stuffed in there for once she gets to school. My friends 9 yo daughter did this last year. She wore one thing to school got there and changed into something that her mom told her was not allowed to leave the house. She neglected to change after school and got caught when mom picked her up.

I think the article is spot on though. No child needs to be wearing shorts that have words across the bottom, midriff baring shirts, short skirts or anything else that I deem to sexy for them. I work at a grocery store and see all the kids after school when they come in to get snacks and there are outfits that I really want to tell them to go change.

MrsH_08 · April 2011

Ciaram22:
I feel like I'm going to be the parent that goes through my daughters backpack every morning to make sure she doesn't have a change of clothes stuffed in there for once she gets to school.

I could see being this parent, too. I will also be the parent who makes a habit of calling my child's friend's house when my child says he/she will be there, dropping in on an activity, showing up with a special lunch treat at school (actually code for spying), or things like that. I want them to always think I may show up or find out somehow. :-)

IdahoGirl · April 2011

MrsH_08:

Ciaram22:
I feel like I'm going to be the parent that goes through my daughters backpack every morning to make sure she doesn't have a change of clothes stuffed in there for once she gets to school.

I could see being this parent, too. I will also be the parent who makes a habit of calling my child's friend's house when my child says he/she will be there, dropping in on an activity, showing up with a special lunch treat at school (actually code for spying), or things like that. I want them to always think I may show up or find out somehow. :-)

Trust me when I tell you they will find a way if they REALLY want to wear those clothes. So - the key is absolutely keeping them on their toes.

You'd be amazed at how many parents don't do this... Once, with s-kiddo, she had a bunch of friends over for a movie - kids (boys and girls) over and just under 17 and the movie was R rated. They started it just before I got home. When I got there and saw just how sexually charged and violent the movie was - I made them stop it and we called all of their parents to ask permission. S-kiddo was mortified. And a couple of the parents I talked to were really thankful and said no. But more of them were completely annoyed I'd called and just didn't care.

Difference with s-kiddo is that she had other places she could go with different rules (read: her mother's house). My kiddos won't have that option. Or, if for some reason they do, I know that no matter what, my husband and I are on the same page in that and it'd be the same no matter whose house they are at.

doublem · April 2011

I so agree with this article! It really bothers me when I have girls in my class (5th grade) who wear some of these revealing/sexy outfits to get attention. Occasionally, I try to talk with them privately about what they're wearing (see-through shirts with a patterned push-up bra underneath, words like "sexy" or "hottie" across the butt), but when parents are sending them the message that their outfits are okay (and are the same thing their moms are wearing), it's hard.

I'm going to repost the link on my FB wall. Watch my husband's cousin flame me for not letting girls "express themselves" or "experiment with their clothing" or something else that goes along with their unparenting philosophy.

ChubbyCheekiesMom · April 2011

MrsH_08:
Ciaram22:
I feel like I'm going to be the parent that goes through my daughters backpack every morning to make sure she doesn't have a change of clothes stuffed in there for once she gets to school.
I could see being this parent, too. I will also be the parent who makes a habit of calling my child's friend's house when my child says he/she will be there, dropping in on an activity, showing up with a special lunch treat at school (actually code for spying), or things like that. I want them to always think I may show up or find out somehow. :-)

I am this parent. I don't think it matters if you have a boy or girl, sure of course a boy isn't going to wear "sexy" revealing clothing but it's the same type of thing. If I had a girl, it wouldn't be allowed, period, she will have many years as an adult to wear sexy clothing. I have an 11 year old niece and she doesn't wear any type of sexy clothing, and she already has boobs. But I do believe her mom is there to tell her no. Because the fact is, you can say NO and as long as the parent is keeping up with it, the child should know. I wasn't allowed to wear "sexy" clothing, and my brother wasn't allowed to do other things as well. I find it hard to believe that the parents blame it all on the retailers, because it's not their fault 100%. It's the parents job to teach their child what is right and what is wrong.

Ciaram22 · April 2011

doublem:
I'm going to repost the link on my FB wall. Watch my husband's cousin flame me for not letting girls "express themselves" or "experiment with their clothing" or something else that goes along with their unparenting philosophy.

I would love to see the comments from this. This would be the reaction my sister have also.

Maddimom · April 2011

doublem:
I so agree with this article! It really bothers me when I have girls in my class (5th grade) who wear some of these revealing/sexy outfits to get attention. Occasionally, I try to talk with them privately about what they're wearing (see-through shirts with a patterned push-up bra underneath, words like "sexy" or "hottie" across the butt), but when parents are sending them the message that their outfits are okay (and are the same thing their moms are wearing), it's hard.
I'm going to repost the link on my FB wall. Watch my husband's cousin flame me for not letting girls "express themselves" or "experiment with their clothing" or something else that goes along with their unparenting philosophy.

I'm waiting for u to post it!!!

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