- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Hanging on by a thread (long)
**Sorry if this is rambling
I know most of you don't know me well. This makes it even harder to come out and say all of this but I don't know anywhere else I might find someone who understands.
Let me preface this by saying I love my son so much I can't stand it. This is not an issue of me loving one child more or disliking him at all.
The thing is, I don't know what to do anymore. He is such a high needs baby. It takes me and hour of rocking shushing and patting to get him to sleep for 30 minutes. I've tried cio for naps and the kid would honestly cry for hours if I let him (I don't).
If he's not being held he just cries and cries nothing makes him happy. We've tried everything. He cries so much it doesn't even affect me anymore. It's like I'm always waiting for him to start crying again so when he isn't upset I don't enjoy the time as much as I feel like I should.
I'm failing him and now my daughter too.
I can't give my daughter the love and attention she needs because Jack always needs me. I feel awful when I have to turn on yet another tv show for her so I can try and calm him down enough to make her lunch in the 3 or 4 minutes he'll be put down.
I don't know what to do or even where to begin. I'm just so upset that I'm not enjoying his time as a baby like I did with his sister. Some days I just feel like running away.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hanging on by a thread (long)
It sounds like you could really use some support. I'm sorry the situation is overwhelming.
As you are expressing concern for both your daughter and your son, you are obviously a good and caring mother.
Have you tried baby wearing just so you could get some things done around the house? When my son is fussy, sometimes just taking him outside for a walk helps...maybe put your son in the stroller and all of you can go for a walk together? Some fresh air and exercise might make a huge difference.
I hope things get better soon.
I don't think so at all. I think you need a break. Is there anyone that can come and watch him for a few hours so you can get out with DD?
Is there any reason for his crying?
Would you be into wearing him so you can get things done and spend time with DD? I strap LO on my back and do all sorts of stuff around the house.
I feel for you! I wish I had some more advice.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Thank you for not just telling me I don't love my son.
I actually do wear him. He's in the ergo the majority of the day. He'll fall asleep in it for awhile but the second I try and sit down he's up. I might try the walk because I think being cooped up is making it worse for everyone.
Have you tried a wrap or carrier? That might free up your hands so you could do more w. DD and around the house.
Also has he been checked for Acid Reflux my ped. looked into that when I told her about DD just to be sure it wasn't a physical issue.
DD is pretty high needs and the only way I cope is by putting her in the moby or ergo and doing whatever I need to.
Believe me I understand it's extremely rough and I can't imaine trying to juggle another child on top of it.
Is there anyway you could hire a mother's helper a couple afternoons a week so you could get a break and spend time w/ DD. Maybe a girl in the neighborhood after school?
As far as sleeping goes, how does DS do at night? Is he easy to put down? Does he wake frequently?
I agree with using a wrap or baby carrier while making lunch for your DD. Also, can your DD help to entertain him? I know my DS really loves other kids, watching them play or dance or talk to him. That can keep them both occupied and give you a few minutes to get things done.
And it does sound like you need a break. Is there anyone who could take one or both kids for an afternoon?
I am so sorry, mama! I can't totally relate to your situation, but Morgan was extremely fussy due to milk protein issues. We figured it out at 3 months and were able to get it taken care of. Have you talked to your pedi to see if maybe he has some sort of intollerance/allergy/etc?
I know that doesn't help with how you are feeling. And, doesn't provide your daughter with the attention you want to give her.
Can your SO take him so you and your daughter can get some time together? Are you getting any time to yourself?
Hugs to you!
We don't really have anyone who can give me a break, I actually haven't been away from him for more than and hour since he was born... Wow hadn't really thought of that.
I think I may talk to our pedi about the crying. Our pedi is actually a friend of mine but not a super close friend so it's hard to let her know how hard of a time I'm actually having. It's hard letting anyone know I don't have everything together.
::hugs::
I can't imagine how you're feeling. I know you care, or you wouldn't even think anything of it. I would definitely talk to your pedi about the crying again. I would also suggest doing a Mommy/daughter day once every couple of weeks to get some quality time with Lucy.
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I don't have many words of advice, except to say hang in there. Some day this will be a distant memory and you will feel stronger because of it. You're not failing anyone if you're trying every day to be the best mom you can be. Don't be afraid to use your support system. And it wouldn't hurt to discuss his neediness with your pedi.
You've got support here!
Thank you everyone, having a place where people get it helps a ton.
We don't have much of a support system right now and I think that and everything else has been a bit crushing lately.
I just made an appt with our pedi. Hopefully we can figure this out.
I agree about talking to the pedi. Not at all trying to imply that you are causing his crying, but you said you were anxious because you don't know when he will start crying again. He may be picking up on your anxiety a little bit. Walks outside can help everyone, time for yourself is huge. Can DH help out to give you some time to yourself or maybe time to take DD for a short activity?
I also wouldn't rule out talking to your doctor about lessening your anxiety a bit.
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry you're going through this!
I agree with PP's--talk to your pedi, and find a way to take a break once in awhile. I can't imagine how crazy I'd feel if I never spent more than an hour away from B, and she's not even high needs.
I hope things get better soon!
Thank you all for the suggestions. I'm going to look for someone to help out a few days a week.
DH is helpful when I'm here but the last time I left him alone with the kids to go to the gym I returned to him basically in a fetal position babbling in the corner.
We have an appointment for Thursday and I may make an appointment for myself. I guess I just needed to hear I'm not crazy and all babies don't cry like this.
You don't have ANYONE who can give you a break? Not judging, but are you saying this because there is literally no one around you who can watch your DS for even one hour, or because you don't feel comfortable leaving him in someone else's care?
Your pedi might be a friend, but she's also your pedi. She's got the training to deal with this situation, and I'm pretty certain she will have the professionalism not to blab it all around town. What she MAY have is a good support group you can join, information about medical issues that can be affecting your DS, or insight into what the problem might be.
Sites like the bump are great, but what it sounds like you need is a helping hand and not just a listening ear. It may be scary opening up, but it will be SOOOOO worth it when you get the help you need.
You ladies are amazing. Thank you so much for all the support.
We're going to get through this and I'm going to get the help we all need.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! Definitely try going for a walk or just go sit on a blanket outside. I'm only home with DD by myself for one day a week but when she's cranky, it can be SUCH a long day! When she gets super cranky, we go outside and it seems like the second I open the door, she calms down.
I hope you get some relief soon!
Wow, that sounds tough. You definitely need a break!
If you aren't totally comfortable taking to your pedi, maybe you should find another one. (Meant honestly, not snarkily!). You should be able to discuss these things with the doctor and if her being a friend makes that hard, you might be better off with someone else.
Hang in there. I don't think anyone would accuse you of not loving either of your kids -- just the opposite! You obviously love them so much.
Might be worth a visit to your own doctor or a therapist/counselor. It can be really helpful to talk to someone about all of this. I don't like to look like I don't have it all together, either, but the truth is that I don't. It's incredibly hard and I only have one (relatively easy) baby!
always know you are not alone. i am going through a similar situation regarding not having help and or a support group to lean on. its gets really tough but we will survive. you might also want to talk to a counselor about what you're feeling. i battled PPD for months before I finally admitted I had a problem. Its doesnt hurt to talk this out with someone for your sanity's sake.