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It finally hit me

preissless1preissless1
in D.C. Area Babies

I've been on a new anti-depressant for nursing purposes, which has made me flatter than normal.  I didn't cry at C's birth, and haven't been very emotional post-partum (which was kind of the point since severe PP depression runs in my family).  Today I dropped him off at daycare for a few hours so he could become familiar with the DCP and the other kids.  He did really well.

Tonight as I was nursing him before bed, it totally hit me that maternity leave is just about over and I won't have this much dedicated time with him again.  I just started sobbing and sobbing as I held him.  It's been such a special time and I wish it could last longer, but it's not an option at this point. 

I'm the first woman in my family to not be a SAHM, so I'm feeling some jealousy towards my sister and feeling nervous that because I am going back to work, that makes me somehow a less caring parent.  I know feelings aren't facts though.  I just need to get through this and be confident that we are doing the best thing for C. 

I'm sure it will get better as we get settled in to our daily routines, and I know C will do great at the DC.  He's going to be friends with CrazyDCBaby!  Big Smile

 

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Re: It finally hit me

  • ch ch ch chiach ch ch chia

    Hang in there!!!

    It will be hard, but you'll do OK.  :)

    And, CDCB will teach him the alphabet and how to count to 10.  :)  I promise.  LOL. 

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  • LindseyJWLindseyJW member

    HUGS!!!! i know this feeling all too well. i didn't cry when i first left my babies at DC, i cried the weeks before in anticipation. i cried b/c i couldn't be the SAHM that i always thought i'd be. i cried b/c my babies wouldn't have my breast to nurse from, an artificial plastic nipple in their mouths instead. i cried for what i perceived to be a loss and for what i thought my children would go through (loneliness, confusion, fear) without me all day.

    i soon saw that my babies thrived at DC and that i became a happier person when i went back to work. i had PPD and didn't realize it after #1. getting out of the house and being with adults helped a lot. i miss my children and cherish time i can spend with them. i appreciate that time so much more.  but i also cherish how they have grown and developed and matured while under DCPs care.

    the first few weeks can be emotionally challenging. give yourself more time to spend with C alone. if you usually make dinner in your household, make it ahead of time a few nights a week so that you can spend that extra time with your baby (or, have DH make it). 

    and speaking of crying, i hear mine...G/L! and reach out if you need to!

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  • mssaintmssaint
    Hugs to you and C! I am feeling the same way about going back even though I love working and my job and J is going to be home with DH. I'm trying to focus on the positives like, oh, paying our mortgage! And that me working means we have money for retirement and college and vacations. And I will have a conversation where poop isn't the focus! Luckily the dc bumpies set good examples, and I know they understand and will offer support.
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  • WinesNotWhinesWinesNotWhines
    The first week is the hardest, but it really does get better. Little C will thrive at daycare and it will be good for him to socialize with other kids. I was very nervous at first, but I really enjoy being at work, and it makes me appreciate my time with M even more.
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  • kastlekastle member

    Left Hug zombie hugs!

    I recently started a part-time job.  The first few drop offs were *hard.*  I know I still get him all to myself half the week, but I still have a little bit of guilt.  However, when I'm at my job, I feel so good and whole.  

    Sprout has made so many new little friends at daycare.  I've noticed a change in him at home in that he seems more outgoing.


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  • tracy042206tracy042206
    imageLindseyJW:

    i soon saw that my babies thrived at DC and that i became a happier person when i went back to work. i had PPD and didn't realize it after #1. getting out of the house and being with adults helped a lot. i miss my children and cherish time i can spend with them. i appreciate that time so much more.  but i also cherish how they have grown and developed and matured while under DCPs care.

     Ditto this although my PPD was mild and I had a hard time distinguishing it from just being so tired and overworked and having fussy babies.  It is totally normal to cry and feel badly about leaving your baby (although for me I thought they were going to call and say she was too fussy and they couldn;t keep her AND take care of other kids). 

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