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Parenting after 35
NewMrs07
member
Pros and cons of moving overseas
NewMrs07
member
DH has this idea stuck in his head that we could be better off financially if we move to Istanbul (where he's from). I think he's just homesick since he hasn't seen his mom and relatives since '07, and he's hating his job right now. I adapt pretty well to change since I've moved several times throughout my life, but that's just a drastic lifestyle change, not to mention I'd have to learn a 3rd language (and a difficult one at that), that I just don't know. I don't have a problem moving to Turkey to retire, but now? Not sure. I was making a list of the pros and cons, and just want to get it off my chest while we think about this idea some more:
Pros:
- I could potentially work as a Spanish teacher, have the summers and holidays off and earn about $4K a month (according to DH's aunt, who runs a language school)
- DH could potentially earn $7K a month in a job he would like much better
- LO could go to school for free b/c when you teach, your kids can go for free
- We could have a free house or condo, courtesy of DH's mom, which just sold her apt for a lot of money and she's going to give half of the proceeds to DH. I think she's trying to bribe DH to move there by offering us money to buy our place outright (no mortgage!)
- Only one car since Istanbul is like NY, no need for 2 cars
- Free or very cheap healthcare since the system works like in Europe
- My parents want to move back to Spain, so I could visit them more often (only 3 hrs plane ride from Istanbul to Barcelona, for ex) and if I had the summers off, I could spend all that time with my parents and Adrian could preserve his Spanish language.
Cons:
- I would have to learn Turkish, which IMO, serves me no purpose outside of Turkey
- It's a completely different country and I don't know how I would fit in
- I don't know how I would feel with only DH's relatives around, since I'm 100% positive my parents would not move there
- It's like living in California in terms of earthquakes, since Istanbul is on a fault
- I'd have to work hard for Adrian to not lose his Spanish or English speaking abilities. On the other hand, many educated Turkish people know several languages since they go study in Europe.
- If I don't like it, it's not that easy to pick up and move back to the States, not to mention it will be hard to convince DH to leave his family.
I don't want DH to be unhappy, which he seems to be lately, but I need to be happy too. Guess this is why it's better to marry someone from your own country! I have to think about this some more. My parents will not like this idea since they haven't been to Turkey and think it's a backwards Muslim country. Most of it is, but Istanbul is not, it's more modern and European, and women do not cover their heads. Most people are not even religious.
That's a lot to think about, huh? I just don't know... I told him we need to discuss this some more...
Me: 44 DH: 42.
DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09.
TTC since then with no luck or ART.
Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pros and cons of moving overseas
I don't know. The pros and cons both have strong points. It would be an awesome opportunity for you guys to spend some time there. If you went would you be there... forever? And the fact that you'll be closer to your folks is a pretty big selling point IMO.
We're kind of in a holding pattern right now. We're not too fond of So Cal - despite me being from here - but we like Mikey being near my folks. That said, his other grandparents, great-grandmother, aunt and cousins are all in the UK, so it would be nice to be there too. So we're staying put.
However, if my H was as keen to go to London as your H is to go to Istanbul then I think we'd already be there
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So, I don't know the pros and cons of this suggestion either, but what about moving to Spain (with your parents moving there soon) and being close enough to visit your ILs w/a 3 hour flight. Adrian would keep/improve his spanish and it isn't as big of a change as Turkey would be. I would be hesitant to move to an area where only that city is modern, whereas you could travel to other areas w/out concern about local customs etc. in Spain.
Moving somewhere so different is an exciting prospect, scary, but exciting.
I'd love to move to Spain but jobs would be hard to find for DH since he doesn't speak Spanish. And his job is priority b/c I want to work less hrs and maybe have a second child
I've heard good things from non-Turkish people who went there for a while. So that's why I'm considering it.
That's a lot to think about! Could you negotiate a deal for a 5-year (or 2-year) move, and talk about it again after that?
We'll be moving to Biarritz as soon as we feel more financially independent. We have a house here (the house Rom's mom grew up in, right down the street from her house) and it's beautiful. Even so, I know that when we move it'll be a huge adjustment for me, and I'll have to fight feeling lonely and isolated.
But hey, it's right on the border of Spain, in the Basqueland! If you end up visiting Spain and find yourself near the French border, we could do a European meet-up!
Allow me to be the voice of paranoia. If something would happen to your marriage while you are in Turkey, what are the laws for custody of the children? Would you be allowed to leave the country with them? Would you be given joint custody or would the father have sole custody? Would you have any rights because you are not a citizen of Turkey? While I would never want your marriage to break up, this is something I would think about.
I agree with vanverth that you need to consider the custody laws there. Also, regarding Istanbul, yeah, very cool city (we actually just got back from a trip there a couple weeks ago) but couple things to consider:
* not all of the city is modern and European. There is an Asian side and some areas that are very Muslim and you might be the only one there with an uncovered head. I know that a CW who has been there twice said that while his wife was in no danger, there were areas where she felt uncomfortable.
* Traffic is AWFUL. DH was there on business and one of the guys there who lived on the Asian side said it took him routinely 2-3hrs one way. That was why many moved to the other main area for the company in Anatolia.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
No paranoia at all, I've thought about that but still don't know the answers since I can't find anything online. Obviously I wouldn't move to any country before doing more research, but thanks for the reminder.