Being outed on FB.....ugh (vent)

BinksMomma3016 · April 2011

So I just found out a couple of days ago that I am pregnant, but we told our close family and friends....which ends up being like 20 ppl. LOL. We are really close to our family though and the friends we told are friends that are around multiple times a week, so we knew it wouldve slipped anyway. Plus we love everyone to share in our excitement and if something happens then we have support

Anyway, I told people that I have not outed myself on fb yet, just because it doesnt seem real yet. I want to wait a little longer before everyone from highschool, and my sorority, etc finds out. So yesterday I see my mom has posted on my MIL and SIL wall "think pink" Im like oh jeez....then last night my BFF posts under my "Im going to bed" status "All I can say is Yay!!!! So excited :P " So then Im thinking Oh boy. Then this morning I log on and my aunts bff posts something on my wall. Im like WTF! Im glad people are so excited but holy crap! So now Im thinking I may out myself because I wanted to do something clever and if I dont do it soon, I will be swarmed with a million pregnancy comments by tomorrow....ugh. End vent

carlatron · April 2011

Why don't you just disable comments on your wall?

catch2010 · April 2011

carlatron:
Why don't you just disable comments on your wall?

This! Heck, just turn off the wall entirely until you're ready to spill. If anyone in the know gives you crap about it, tell them that you didn't want cryptic comments up there. If anyone out of the know says something, play dumb and say that you were messing with your settings and you're not sure what you did.

BinksMomma3016 · April 2011

catch2010:

carlatron:
Why don't you just disable comments on your wall?

This! Heck, just turn off the wall entirely until you're ready to spill. If anyone in the know gives you crap about it, tell them that you didn't want cryptic comments up there. If anyone out of the know says something, play dumb and say that you were messing with your settings and you're not sure what you did.

Is that in settings? Im guessing yes. Theres nothing I can do for status' though right. I always post status' about my boys so our family can see what they are up to, etc. They love reading the funny stuff they do throughout the day. Its just annoying that people dont realize its my decision to out myself. Arrrg! Even when a friend of ours had cryptic stuff in her status I sent a PM to her asking her about it because I know its not my biz to open that can of worms to the entire internet.Im a pretty open person and will most likely share it with everyone on fb, I just feel like I want to wait at least until my period doesnt come. LOL. Ive gotten about ten positives but it doesnt seem real yet thats all

Nichie2 · April 2011

I told a friend at work, who is also pregnant, thinking we could share some sort of special secret for a bit. She announced at lunch that "someone else is pregnant in the building" but then wouldn't tell who. I was SO angry! I agree....whether on FB, or in real life, people need to respect that this is special and exciting news and should respect that you asked them not to tell the whole world. Now the buzz around work is who else could be pregnant. ARGH!!!

BinksMomma3016 · April 2011

Nichie2:
I told a friend at work, who is also pregnant, thinking we could share some sort of special secret for a bit. She announced at lunch that "someone else is pregnant in the building" but then wouldn't tell who. I was SO angry! I agree....whether on FB, or in real life, people need to respect that this is special and exciting news and should respect that you asked them not to tell the whole world. Now the buzz around work is who else could be pregnant. ARGH!!!

Thats horrible! You know what else really pissed me off is that I didnt share with my sons yet because we were trying to decide if we should wait to see a hb, incase something did happen, we didnt know how we would explain that to a 3 year old. We did decide we would tell him but we wanted to do something special to tell him and my other BFF ( not the fb loud mouth) , goes right up to DS when she come over and says "Oh hey sweetie, congrats! Youre going to be a big brother again, because mommy and daddy are having a baby right?" I just whipped my head around and gave her this evil look and said "Um we havent told the boys yet, but thanks" What is wrong with people. I guess until you have been pregnant and gone through all of this, you dont really know your place?!? I just thought that was sooo rude

catch2010 · April 2011

When we first found out, we only told our parents. I was mad at first when my parents were telling random people in their small town and when my MIL posted a blatant "you're pregnant!" comment on fb, but then I got to thinking about it and people really have a terrible time hiding good news even though they know in their heart of hearts that it isn't their news to share. So, I've been using technology to help them shut up.

It should be under privacy settings. Just change whatever you want private to "Only Me," and yes, you can keep updating the status messages and make it so no one can comment if that's what you want to do. I just turned it off entirely because I didn't want to feel like I was talking to myself. Good luck!

naflmj · April 2011

I plan to disable comments on my wall. I don't really care if family and friends find out but if people I work with know, I would be upset since I plan to tell right before summer vacation.

rubyjem00 · April 2011

I am worried about this too. It's part of the reason we are waiting so long to tell even our close friends and family. I hadn't even thought of disabling the comments on my page - thanks for the suggestion!

jessica102706 · April 2011

I was worried about that with my mom and MIL. We werent telling a lot of people (immediate fam & a few very close friends). I warned them all but the moms just had me worried. Even if I block posts on my wall - they could still post on their own walls and then all our extended fam and mutual friends would still see it.

My friends MIL did that to her and she was so upset. She was the first person they told and before they left her house she had posted on facebook. It wasnt subtle either - "My son Dan and his wife Stacy are pregnant again!!!" They didnt have a chance to tell anyone the news because everyone saw it on FB. I know people are excited and thats great but where do they think they have a right to tell everyone and take that away from you.

Xmen mommy · April 2011

When we told our close friends we specifically told them we didn't want it on FB yet. However, when you do choose to post it on there here's what we did to my BFFs. (just an idea) I sent them a mad lib it says:

Wii y'arh hex pick tin guh.

We are expecting!

Once my friends figured it out they were elated!

Bride2b2004 · April 2011

Usually I am for telling a couple family members or close friends (whomever you would want support from in case of a miscarriage) and asking them to keep it a secret. But when you end up telling 20 people or more, IMO, that's really too many people to expect them to think it is a secret. The secrets out at that point.

Fb should be the least of your worries because you could always disable comments or set it so you check and approve them before they are on your wall.

mmecarter · April 2011

As soon as I told one of my close friends, she wrote, "Yay!!" on my FB wall. I was not pleased. I deleted her comment and e-mailed her that she needed to keep it quiet.

sportsmomma · April 2011

Funny the things we have to worry about these days, but yes FB is what's keeping me from telling many people because I know the bigger circle of people that know, the bigger chance it gets on FB. I plan to disable my wall, mostly because I don't want work people to find out, but figure they'll probably be suspicious if they notice my wall is disabled, but whatever, can only do the best we can!

OP, so sorry your secret was not kept, but I think you may be onto something with the people who haven't been pregnant just not understanding. This is my first and while I would have never outted someone who told they were pg, I also had no idea all of the risks and % chance of issues and such that I probably wouldn't have really understood WHY it was so important to keep a secret outside of the fact that it wouldn't be my news to share. Still doesn't make it any better, but HOPEFULLY they didn't intend to hurt you the way they did.

FuFey · April 2011

I'm worried about getting outted on FB too! We told our parents and siblings, but they knew not to say anything... well then I told my bestfriend who told her sister (who I'm sort of friends with) and she writes "Congrats!!" under some random status of mine! I was like sh*t! and deleted it. But in hindsight I almost outted myself a few days beforehand...I made my status a whole long list of foods from back home that I wanted and someone wrote "are you pregnant? cuz that sure is a weird combo of food!". I wrote something funny back like 'hahaha no just missing my mom's cooking" but then I thought twice and just deleted the whole status and comments. Whoops, FB ate my last status, oh darn! Isn't it weird how you go public, but not FB-public? LOL I'm def going to be disabling my wall posts and comments until I'm ready to spill the beans. We've told people that it's our parade and we'd appreciate if they'd let us lead the band, aka let us have the fun of telling people!

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