bullied kid gets plastic surgery

alibee09 · April 2011

https://news.yahoo.com/video/health-15749655/bullied-child-gets-plastic-surgery-24902719

I thought you guys might find this vid discussion-worthy. Would you get your seven-y-o cosmetic surgery?

Mrs_Shmoopie · April 2011

DH and I were talking about that last night. I don't think she'd even been bullied yet -although she had been teased about it a couple of times -rather, they were getting it done in anticipation of the fact that she might one day be teased.

My only question is, what's next? If she gets bullied for her freckles will they get her skin bleached? Dye job if kids pick on her hair? Of course, I never want my kid to go through the pain of being bullied. But, to an extent, it's unavoidable. And it's our job to teach our kids to be more resilient than just changing whatever it is about themselves that other kids make fun of -cause there will always be something. They need to learn to rise above... you know, until it's time to start the ass-kicking.

AnyaBella · April 2011

My gut response is absolutely no to plastic surgery for anyone under 18. Then there's the other part of me, who grew up watching my brother be mercilessly teased/harassed because of his ears. I remember one particular bus ride where the people sitting behind him took turns flicking his ears and calling him names. Maybe his life as an adolescent would have been better if surgery had been an option back then. I don't know. Ultimately as an adult he did end up having them pinned back.

I really don't know what I would do if that were my child. I definitely wouldn't allow a surgery at such a young age and I would only let it happen at an older age if there seemed to be a major problem like teasing/bullying and a major drop in self-confidence. Even then I would try my best to get the teasing under control and boost the confidence first.

green*eyes · April 2011

I would only consider it if it were something that really glaringly didn't fit with the rest of him/her and made it distracting for others to get to know him/her... and if it were a simple no-risk procedure (not sure what that could be, just thinking hypothetically). At my school there were kids who got teased for various things (myself included) but they usually didn't have to do with looks. I think that is unavoidable - for instance DH was teased with a song some kids made up that rhymed with his name, and wasn't even that mean, they just liked singing it and it drove him crazy.

alibee09 · April 2011

MrsJulieT:
Ryan had a skin tag on his ear or a nub.

Hm, this is a weird question, but do you have pics of the tag? K has two right in front of her ear and I've left them, for now, but I'm wondering how prevalent they are. If I could see if they're comparable I might have more questions for you about the procedure, healing, etc.

mrscerruti2be · April 2011

I haven't read the article yet, but i'll bite. My son has ptsosis. It is a condition where his eye has some sagging skin. His isn't a super noticeable thing. It can hang low enough where his sight could be hindered. He sees an eye dr often to make sure that this is not the case. His is minor(my brother also had it, but his was far worse and required a few surgeries so that he could see.)

Our pediatric opthamologist is against us having it fixed. It is purely for cosmetic reasons at this point because his eye sight is not affected. I am on the fence. My brother was teased about his. Crash's eye is really noticeable in pics and when you see a mirror image. Is it my hangup or will it be my kids? This is something I struggle with. The surgery would be done at 5-6. Obviously I have a lot of thinking to still do.

Structenggal · April 2011

MrsJulieT:
I'll jump in. My child has had plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons. He was 9 months old. So yes there are things that I would let my child have done for cosmetic reasons.
Ryan had a skin tag on his ear or a nub. We had it removed. He had a plastic surgeon. I really don't think it was any different than this girls situation. We knew that the skin tag would lead to teasing in school. Yes there is the camp of teach them to deal with it and it will make him stronger. But really, don't kids have enough to deal with anyway. It was a simple procedure but he was put under. In his case they were actually going to tie it off in the hospital upon birth (when we discovered it) and it would have fallen off but the base was too thick so they said surgery was the only way to go.
Could we have just left it alone and let him have it for life, sure. Is it something we would have wanted to live with if it were on our own ear, no. We made the decision to remove it very young so he would never remember having it.
I think there is a difference between this little girl or Ryan having plastic surgery to correct/remove something that is more of a deformity than sending your child in to have a boob job or some other form of plastic surgery.
I know not everyone will agree but those are my two cents since we've been there and made that decision.

I agree with this. I think there is a huge difference in having your ears pinned back and having a nose job or some other form of plastic surgery.

ChristinaMT4 · April 2011

I'm 100% fine with this mom making the decision she did. I had the same surgery but not until I was a teen. If I'd done it earlier it would have saved me years of pain. I was so terribly self conscious about my ears that I wouldn't go swimming, wouldn't wear my hair up, wouldn't go out for sports, etc. My mom finally gave in when I wouldn't get a job because I was so worried that I would have to wear my hair up. The surgery and recovery were minor and completely worth it. I have no regrets about having it done at all.

I do think it's terrible that the mom is sharing this with the media. I would have been mortified. I'm a little embarrassed talking about it now.

futrkingsley · April 2011

I would totally let my 7 year old get surgery to correct an obvious issue like that. The thing is, no matter what happens to her, she isn't going to grow up to love ears that flop over or stick out. Why force her to endure disliking them until she's 18? The issues was super obvious to the naked eye.

My brother had a mole on the very tip of his nose removed when he was 10. He hated that mole and got teased a lot about it. I don't know why my parents delayed so long since it wasn't going to magically get better. The scar is hidden in the folds of his nose (on the side) and I'm sure he's glad he had it done.

I have several moles on my face but I was never ever teased about them and never once wanted them removed and I'm glad that my parents raised me to think of them as beautiful.

And come to think of it, I DID have "cosmetic" surgery when I was a teen. I had braces and as part of my treatment I had jaw surgery when I was 13. It was a crazy ordeal but several docs recommended it as part of my treatment to avoid lifelong jaw trouble and it did work. I had been self concious about my smile for a long long time before getting braces, and while I wasn't super enthused about surgery, I understood that braces alone wasn't going to give me a normal smile or mouth. The cosmetic portion was tagged on to the medically necessary part.

Celyn · April 2011

I don't see a problem with it. It's her body, if she wants to correct it, she should be able to. Where she draws the line is her choice and it seemed, based on the story, that she wanted it done.

Based on the story, it also seemed to me that her parents are making a bigger deal of it than they need to. And certainly the media in making it about bullying are growing a mountain from a molehill. I went into the story thinking the poor thing had been seriously tormented by other kids. All kids will find something to be teased about. I got teased about everything from my nose to my name to my A-cup breasts. Lots of women in my situation get implants. Thanks to some really great self-esteem building from my parents and a healthy perspective on body image, I always thought my girls were just perfect. Now they sag halfway to my belly button, but I still think they're perfect I hope her parents teach her that freckles are awesome and red hair is beautiful and that she's perfect no matter what size or shape any of her body parts are.

tiki_t · April 2011

I got bullied for just about everything imaginable growing up but one thing in particular, my mom offered me plastic surgery... to fix my nose. She had my nose growing up and was never happy with it either and as an adult, she had it fixed. I turned her offer down because I started to realize it was a screening process for people who were shallow. I still have my nose the way that it was intended.

However... I did have my eyes fixed. I was born with crossed eyes and they weren't that way all of the time. But the odds of anyone taking me seriously later on in life was really slim. I had them corrected. Technically that is cosmetic surgery. I have no regrets.

I guess it depends on the impact of the condition. I'm not sure that at the age of 7, that's the age to make those sorts of decisions either. I made my decision in high school. I'm also considering is her condition something that she would grow into like I did my nose? My friend's kid looked like a little gray alien (from sci-fi shows) with a large head and ears that stuck out as a kid. He's now a teen and has totally grown into it. It now all goes together and he's fine. So I'm wondering if you modify a kid too early if you are going to tamper with something that would have been okay later.

mrs.meteowrite · April 2011

We had Miles' third thumb removed when he was just over one year old. We went back and forth over whether or not to leave it or have it removed, but ultimately, it was the potential for teasing that convinced us to do it. Well, that, and the desire to do it before he realized we were going to take him in to remove a finger. We asked ourselves what we would have wanted our parents to do if we were in his spot. Hopefully when he's old enough to understand our thought process, he'll be glad we made the choice we made.

Mrs.K&C · April 2011

Celyn:
I don't see a problem with it. It's her body, if she wants to correct it, she should be able to. Where she draws the line is her choice and it seemed, based on the story, that she wanted it done.
Based on the story, it also seemed to me that her parents are making a bigger deal of it than they need to. And certainly the media in making it about bullying are growing a mountain from a molehill. I went into the story thinking the poor thing had been seriously tormented by other kids. All kids will find something to be teased about. I got teased about everything from my nose to my name to my A-cup breasts. Lots of women in my situation get implants. Thanks to some really great self-esteem building from my parents and a healthy perspective on body image, I always thought my girls were just perfect. Now they sag halfway to my belly button, but I still think they're perfect I hope her parents teach her that freckles are awesome and red hair is beautiful and that she's perfect no matter what size or shape any of her body parts are.

Super duper well said and I totally agree. Although I think this case is just a little extra weird, because if you were really worried about your kid being bullied you should have the sense to not go to the media with the story! That poor girl will most likely get teased or bullied now. Thanks, Mom & Dad.

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