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Pre-School and Daycare
Bride2bMO
member
Come in if you have (or have had) a 3 year old. Pretty please.
Bride2bMO
member
So, I think I need a reality check. Sparing you the details, we're on a long, confusing journey trying to get to the bottom of my son's personality and behavior, which may or may not include an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis at this point.
But, I think I need to hear from people about how TYPICAL 3 year olds can drive you bat-***-crazy sometimes. If your 3 year old is a perfect, polite, trilingual, angel who potty-trained at 18 months please, I beg you, don't post about it in here. 
Please tell me about your typical 3 year old who sometimes freaks out, tantrums like a wild animal, screams overnight, refuses to listen, refuses to cooperate with meals, carseats, baths, etc., is known to smack you in the face, makes you want to pull your hair out, and leaves you frequently fantasizing about running away to Fiji. Thank you kindly.
::Deep breaths::
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Re: Come in if you have (or have had) a 3 year old. Pretty please.
DS just turned 3 and he is so.......challenging..... sometimes. My least favorite has to be when I tell him not to do something and then he does it again. Where he knows I'll see it. While smiling.
ETA: I just wanted to add also, that DS is known to do many of the other things on your list. Including smacking me in the face and refusing to eat dinner to the point of having a tantrum and not wanting to sit in a chair. Not cool.
I literally almost left DS on the step of an orphanage (do they have those now?) today. Not even kidding.
I'm seriously worried about my mental health today and am close to a breakdown. DS is whiny, demanding, controlling, mean to his sister, refuses to potty train, won't eat anything (is too picky), throws fits when he doesn't get his way, and on and on. The final straw was that he wouldn't go into his tumbling class today after I made the huge effort to get us all out of the house and put DD in the nursery there. A total waste of my time and money. So infuriating.
I know it's my fault for letting him control us and I need to do something about it now. He's very bright and I've been told by his teachers that his personality is a hard one to parent. Clearly I need to do something.
The only bright spot is that he is a good sleeper at night (he's given up naps). Thank goodness for that.
I'm going to drink tonight.
Having a classroom of 19 three year olds (and four year olds), I've had lots of children that have done those very things on and off. For every child who is an "angel" there is one that is less than so.
Particularly little three year old boys.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
My daughter walked at 9 months, talked super early, was potty trained before 2 years and is a total terror!
She doesn't eat most of the time. She begs for a certain meal and when I make it she refuses to eat it. She wants what she wants, when she wants it. If she doesn't get her way she throws a complete and total fit! Taking her to the store makes me so nervous because I am never sure how she is going to act. She acts like she doesn't hear me most of the time and then does exactly what I told her not to do. I dread taking her anywhere "fun" because I know how horrible it is going to be when it is time to leave.
Just about an hour ago she insisted on going in my sons pack and play. I told her it was nap time (we do a countdown, 30 more mins, 20 more mins, 10 more mins, 5 more mins) so she was aware it was coming and threw a total fit. Wouldn't stand up, tried to fall in the potty before I laid her down in bed. She screamed in her room for almost 30 mins saying I don't want to take a nap.
She is typical I think! LOL!
I think we could be twins!
DD just left the 3's behind a month ago, and I totally understand. DD isn't physical most of the time, but she has mastered the high pitched scream, and stubbornness. One night she spent almost 90 minutes in her room, screaming at the top of her lungs that she wanted to read stories after she lost story privileges for the night. The only part that made us smile was the fact she kept quoting the book Llama Llama Mad at Mama - "No more waiting. No more lines" while pounding her feet on her wall. We kept trying to get her to settle down and TALK to us, but she wouldn't settle down long enough to get more than a few words in before she started screaming again.
Oh, and I am often thankful that I can't afford a vacation to Fiji/Mexico/???, because I would be tempted not to come back!
I will say our 3YO (who is an older 3 versus a younger 3 -- HUGE difference) is on the easygoing side of the scale. Plus a girl, who is supposed to be easier. But we still have had:
* screaming fits if daddy tried to do anything with her -- dress, bathe, put to bed -- not because he was harming her, but because she wanted mommy, not daddy. She hit him a few times but we do NOT tolerate that. That is immediate time out by herself and she freaks over that.
* screaming fits over dinner
* refusing to eat dinner then a fit because no dessert (which is the rule -- no dinner or poor dinner, no dessert). I remember having to physically haul her up to her room with my ILs at the table while she was having a fit. Fond family memory there....
* dawdling over dinner
* dawdling period (that's a later 3 development and OMG, so effin' annoying)
* the Great Bath revolt -- refusal to take baths and freaking out whether bath or shower. That was more in the later 2s but she got over it eventually.
* I remember tantrums with her throwing herself down on the floor and kicking and screaming
* definite tantrums when we transitioned to the big bed. fortunately none since really, except for the daddy issue. She's pretty good about going to bed.
I will say I noticed her acting out more as DS got older and more interesting. She seemed more "threatened" (for lack of a better word) then. We also made a concerted effort to give her more attention in a positive way ("what great helping!", "I know you like drawing -- would you like to now?", "thanks for cleaning up!") and that seemed to help too.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Good to see you're keeping your sense of humor!
FWIW - a while back on another board the question was asked: "What kind of teenager do you think your tot will become"
My answer? The now 4.5 yr old = book worm, honors student, quiet, not athletic
The now 3 yr old = juvy hall, suspended from school, tattooed and driving me to drink.
I've read more parenting books than I care to admit and I still feel totally clueless when it comes to him on a regular basis.
You are SOOO not alone!!!
DH always tries to help me frame his disruptive attributes in a more positive light. (ie: pig headed = strong leader-type personality, unwilling to conform to any kind of order or instruction = creative type, etc).
My solution?
1. Drink.
2. Drink some more.
3. Pray like hell that something that we're doing will eventually sink in and that this is very much so a phase.
But... if you find a 2 bed room in Fiji I'd like to be your room mate please!!!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Yes, we are hitting the dawdling period now! I can't get him to stop putzing and it's getting worse every day. I have NO idea how I'll ever get him out of the house in the AM to start preschool in a few months. And I'm one of those people who are ALWAYS early and have extra time built in.
And I'm glad to hear that it's normal for him to be acting out more now that DD is older. It's gotten maddening! He has never responded to positive reinforcement, though (not a people pleaser), so I'm trying to figure out different approaches.
i got a good chuckle reading all of these responses. I've "been there, done that" almost twice (DD#2 turns 4 next month) and am going to have to do it again with DS.
3 is WAY harder than 2. ALL of my friends told me that. They laughed at the "terrible 2's" and said "just wait - it gets worse before it gets better". I find that after age 4, it's much, much better. DD#2 is starting to mellow out a bit and mature, but she has a whole other host of issues being the middle child and the "attention seeker" (her personality).
The books "123 Magic" and "Playful Parenting" have helped a lot. Oh, and alcohol too (for me, not the kids) - that helps.....
GL and big hugs!!!
We have the "trying threes" AND the "terrible twos" in our house right now. It's very challenging, especially when they feed off each other. Threes are so different than the twos. Better in some ways because they can communicate better, and worse, because they can now communicate better. lol
Hang in there.
Baby website / My blog
DS#2 will be 3 in July, but he's just started the "Terrible Twos/Threes". He'll hit you when he doesn't get his way, says "NO!" then proceeds to pick something up and throws it at you, he'll pitch a fit ANYWHERE if you make him do something he doesn't want (hold his hand, etc.). Sometimes he'll throw such a tantrum that he doesn't want to get into his carseat. We were in Target and DH had to take him to the car because he was acting up so badly. I finished the groceries about 45min later and he was STILL crying in the car when I got there.
You're not alone. My husband thinks there's something wrong with DS#1 too. I tell him it's called about to turn 5 and he's testing. He has a mouth now and cops and attitude. DH is just not used to this kind of behavior, because (according to him) children don't act like this. They are just kids. They go through phases. Eventually they WILL grow out of it and be more calm and understanding. My Mom laughs cause my Sister and I were the same way.
If you are concerned, you can always ask about it at their next well child check-up at the doctors. See what they say. There are some books you can read about toddlers and their behaviors. I bought one and it's like reading about my boys! I'll have to try and find the title.
I just got smacked in the face for trying to put Jude's FAVORITE shirt on for bed soooo yeah, sounds about right!
Most days, he's great. Sweet, cooperative, kind... we hit a patch of serious SCARINESS (like throwing, hitting, screaming 24/7) and it faded, but the threenage monster rears it's ugly head now and again and I want to cry)
I am going downstairs to pour myself a freaking gigantic glass of vino in a moment!
Noel - August 2010
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Let's put it this way. My DS, who was is mildly developmentally delayed, was a handful at 3 y/o. OMG, did he put me through the wringer with the tantrums, the control freaky-ness, the battle of the wills ...
My DD, who is an angel of a child, always been ahead and mature has been putting me through the wringer for the last year. I didn't even know tantrums could get worse than DS's! she's not a control freak and only has a rare streak of independence here and there, but she still loves to engage in a good battle of the wills with me some days. Three is above and beyond my least favorite age yet.
Three years old sucks. I am praying that 4 is better. If not, we'll be looking into boarding schools in Europe. lol
DD1 has massive tantrums and fits and most of it is over her clothes. The other day it was because her coat didn't match her dress. I had to force her into her coat so that she could get to school and I could get to work. She screamed bloody murder the whole time we were going to the car. I had to use my arm to hold her into the car seat because she was arching her back so much that I couldn't get her in the seat. She was kicking, hitting, slapping, etc. It was awesome. This happens at least once a week.
Other days are filled with not listening, sassy attitude, screaming and tantrums.
She does have good days but we do usually have attitude even on the good days.
I work with 3 year olds all day(I'm a special ed preschool teacher. I provide in-class support in 4 inclusion preschool classrooms) Then I come home to deal with my own 3 year old. There are days that I greet DH at the door with tears.
My little guy has a very short temper. Getting dressed is a daily battle. Even if I let him pick out his clothes, he throws a fit. He even flips when we go to take off his plain white socks and t-shirt and put on a clean pair of socks and t-shirt. "My socks! My socks!" he screams. You would think they were made of gold or something the way he carries on.
Potty training....I am so frustrated. I have trained so many kids in the past 12 years and I can't train my own. I'm off from school the week after Easter and we're going to try having him just run around the house in underwear.
DS had an expressive language delay due to some oral-motor issues(severe tongue tie). He started EI when he was 17 months and was discharged at 28 months. I thought it would be easier once he was able to communicate. Wrong!!!!
My MIL laughs because apparently, DS is exactly like how DH was at this age.
I'm hoping once he starts preschool in Sept, things will improve.
DD is almost three and while we've definitely had our shares of the terrible twos, I would never say she was out of control. She throws tantrums when she really wants something and doesn't get it, but we ignore it or redirect her and she'll forget about it after a few minutes. Mealtimes are a struggle because she's so picky, so I'll admit that we bribe her. We've had mealtimes where she'll sit at the table and cry because she wants chocolate instead of dinner, haha. We'll tell that if she takes at least a bite of everything, she can watch a special TV show after dinner (awful...I know). She cries in the bathtub when I wash her hair. But other than that, I would say she's fairly normal.
Have you had your son assessed for an ASD? A friend of mine had a son who displayed similar behavioral problems starting around age 2. He was diagnosed with an ASD and is now enrolled in a special-ed preschool program via her local school system. He has been there for a year and is doing markedly better. Even I have noticed a difference in his behavior (he used to be a terror).
Mine is more annoying than a "freak out" type. He asks "why?" to everything and finally it gets the point where I tell me "go ask God or someone else." And I will even offer to call grandma : )
He also is very persistent, when he needs something or wants something, its now! He doesn't freak out or throw a fit but goes on and on and on and I have 3 kids sometimes you needing XZY doesn't trump what your brother or sister needs.
He's a really active kid. He is perfecting his drop kick and has to be reminded not do so in the house daily! The other day he was literally running circles around me while I was holding his fussy-getting over sick brother and trying to video DD's KG program by myself--fun times!
He is a very picky eater. My pickiest--sometimes I wonder how he goes to bed hungry but he doesn't seem to mind. He also loves "snacks" he loves to annoy me for those but I try to stick to breakfast, lunch, dinner and an afternoon snack.
He's particular too. He doesn't like to have a wet shirt but will go get the hose and drench himself (and then sit in the sandbox) and wonder why he is itchy---he will demand that he gets cleaned up and new clothes...gah, just finish playing first!!!
He does throw fits and heck my 5 year old does on the rare occasion too--just so happens we had an outstanding 2 in one week---very odd. DS1 gets placed in his room to throw a fit. I dont like them, don't want to hear them so if you are going to throw a fit, its in your room! Personal rule and I abide by it!
I did find age 3 to be hard with DD but 3.5 to be easier. 4 was a very whiney age but got easier also. 5 has pretty much been a dream!
No real issues with carseats, baths or overnights. He doesn't generally hit me--he can be mean to his brother. His sister has leverage on him, so he doesn't hit her much either. He has hit her friend and gah, she is whiney @ 6 years! The other day he knocked his brother down in the backyard (just him and his brother in the backyard) and he told me "someone else did it." I called BS!
Just be grateful you only have one of these.
How to tell my boys apart
The different types of twins and triplets
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You all just made me feel a lot better. My DD will be 3 next month...she's always been slightly ahead of schedule and apparently the treacherous threes have arrived early. Apparently screaming and back talk come in that package. The things that set her off include:
1. Talking to her when she doesn't want to be talked to. (She will say, "No, you don't talk to me, Mommy!" followed by whining or screeching.)
2. Talking to her when she wants to be talked to but not saying exactly what she wants to hear. (That usually gets me a "You need to STOP IT, Mommy!" followed by whining or screeching)
3. Giving her something she asked for because she no longer wants it.
4. Not giving her something she wants (i.e. a third lollipop, a glass of chocolate milk 30 mins before dinner, something we don't have, etc) - more whining and screeching.
5. Not responding to her immediately. For example, I was on the phone (for 30 seconds) and she saw I was, came over and started trying to talk to me. I asked her to wait a moment and she said, "No, Mommy, I am TALKING to you." Followed by whining and screeching.
Finally, last night she was overtired (she refuses to nap on weekends) and she just sat on the floor for an hour with blood curdling screams coming out of her mouth because she wanted to watch TV during dinner and I said no. I could say I wanted to run away to Fiji but I probably still could have heard her!
And all of this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I'm hoping four is better, but my sister (who has a four year old) says that they're even worse than the threes!
Throwing leaves
I just almost spit my pop out! LMAO!!!!
Since February she can turn from fun, loving sweet girl to terrible whiney screaming girl. She can be a horrible listener, a biter, throws things, does the opposite of what you say... I have always given my two a bath together but just last week I started doing separate baths because they just don't listen and push, steal toys...while in the tub.
We can all just to Fiji together
The early 3s were hellish. Now that we're almost 4 there's some improvement.
Friends and teachers will tell you that DD is a perfect angel... and yet we frequently have: screaming fits because she doesn't want to take a bath, screaming fits for hair washing, screaming fits because she doesn't want to get OUT of the bath (on the same night she didn't want to get in). An angry look on her face that is so fierce her preschool teacher admitted it scared her. Yelling "no! I am not talking to you!" on an almost daily basis. Incessant whining and excessive dawdling are our norm. And this is from a "perfect" 3yo. The only thing on your list I don't think she's done muchas a 3yo is hit. That was more of a 2yo thing for her.