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Parenting
This was rude of her, right?
Sometimes I'm overly sensitive about my mom; love her to pieces, but sometimes she says stuff that just lingers and makes me angry. Tonight we were talking about their vacation out here next week. I said that one night, DH & I would love to go out on a date (all of our family lives 3000 miles away & we don't have a regular babysitter here yet--we never get to go out on dates).
My mother's response, "Yes, you've already threatened me with that," and then something about figuring it out when they get here. Really? Spending an evening with your grandchild is a threat? The grandchild you see 2x/year? Is it really that much of a horrible thing to "have" to take care of him for 3 hours so DH & I can go out to dinner and/or a movie?
Is it horribly presumptuous of me to have the expectation that my parents might babysit for one evening when they're going to be here for 2 weeks? It's pretty standard when the ILs visit that they will babysit at least once while they're here. Maybe I'm spoiled by that and its true she didn't refuse to babysit; but "threatened"? really? I need to feel guilty about this?!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: This was rude of her, right?
It was rude. My Mom sort of makes me feel the same way. She loves the grandchildren and has so much fun with them, but she really doesn't want to do ANY of the work. I come home to poopy diapers every time I leave. She says, "I just figured I'd wait 'til you got back."
She had 3 kids and I just don't think she wants to do any of that hard kid stuff ever again.
She does babysit for them when she's here (lives 500+ miles away), but seems horribly stressed out when she's left for an evening with a baby. Once Gretchen was older/potty trained, she seemed to have much more fun watching her.
My parents almost always babysit at least one night when they visit. So does my MIL, though it's totally something she would say b/c she has no tact. Sorry she hurt your feelings...hopefully she didn't mean it the way it came off!
"
Ethan {1.11.10} & Malia {12.28.06}
This.
Why is she coming?
This. I would probably not mention the date night again to let her know it really got to you and hurt your feelings. Then if she brought it up again I would talk to her about it. Sorry you are going through this.
yep, it was rude. My mom wants very little to do with her grandson. She didnt want to come stay with us for a bit after DS was born, she barely held him unless I gave him to her and she thinks Christmas/Birthday presents make up for her not seeing DS. It got to the point where I dont even try anymore - if that's how she wants to watch him grow up then its her own fault.
MIL on the other hand BEGS us to babysit. I could drive over there in the dead of night and drop him off, she is that involved in DS's life.
If I were you I wouldnt mention your date night again, go to care.com and find a sitter and be done with it
Pretty much ditto this. ?My mom loves DD to pieces, won't go near DS. ?Ever. ?She helped out after DS was born, but only to watch DD for me. ?She lives 4 miles away and has only held DS maybe 5 times. ?He's 3. ?
Ditto the date night. ?Unless, like a pp said, she's prone to large amounts of sarcasm (which I doubt, based on past things you've mentioned). ?Sorry.
This. While I think it's rude, and unfortunate for your son, babysitting just isn't for everyone, even if it's for their own grandchildren. I think you should try and find a local babysitter.
Thanks, ladies. Its so confusing to me--she LOVES DS, talks to him on the phone all the time, carries around boatloads of pictures of him, brags about him to everyone. She'll play w/ him to some extent & cook pancakes and cookies w/ him when she's here--but she really just doesn't want to deal w/ him on her own. She has & she will if I have a doctor's appt or anything, and she was GREAT when I was on bedrest for 4 month--I feel guilty being upset at her for not offering to watch DS or showing any enthusiasm for alone time w/ him. But seriously!
I think that it depends on whether you ASKED her if she would babysit or if you PRESUMED that she would do it.
Because even though it might be standard for grandparents to babysit (though I dont think I read that in the manual) it is also STANDARD ETTIQUETTE to ask people for favors, even family.
So, if you nicely asked her if she wouldnt mind doing you a favor, then yes, her response was on the rude side. But if you didnt ask, then her response was pretty much in kind.
Ditto this. Although, I know your mother has watched E before without issue, so I do find it odd that she'd make that statement, since she's so crazy about him. I mean, he's almost five. How much trouble can he be?
Then again, it's your mom. You've mentioned her making snide comments to you in the past. It's probably just who she is. It does suck that it makes you feel bad, though.
You said yourself that you had 'created a monster' when you took him on 3-4 playdates a day. Perhaps she finds him too demanding?
I never assume that my mom will babysit. Even when we were living with her I asked if she would keep an eye on the kid(s) and was never gone more than a couple of hours. Your mom could have phrased it better, but if she doesn't want to watch him, I'd find a regular sitter.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
My IL's, MIL especially, talk the TALK of being super involved, happy grandparents, but honestly - a lot of it is talk. MIL carries pictures around too and harasses strangers in restaurants all the time w/ showing them pictures of DS. But when she's actually around him - she is often times a bit reserved with him.
I think she loves the IDEA of a grandson, but I very honestly feel that the reality of DS scares her!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I also think that some grandparents are a little afraid of what the parents might say. So many things have changed since they raised their kids. They might not want to incur the wrath when they do something 'wrong'.
If grandma has spent a kid's babyhood being told that they way they do things isn't right, I could totally see them not wanting to babysit as the kid gets older. Back to sleep, don't feed them XYZ, don't move an inch without the perfect car seat, don't do this or that...
Not saying that's what SBDC has done, just a more generalized speculation as to why grandparents wouldn't want to be alone with their grandkids.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Sometimes grandparents just want the fun aspect and not the full responsibility - and that's okay IMO. My mom also would probably watch Jackson if I asked, and she's happy to have him come visit alone w/out me, but when they visit they don't ever babysit. I think she likes spending time with all of us. And trust me, I have plenty of issues w/ my mother.
My ILs, on the other hand, LOVE LOVE LOVE watching the kids. My MIL is almost kind of crazy on how she watches us like a hawk to see what we do with the baby so she can take over when she's around us. It used to bug me, because, well, it felt kind of stalkerish. Now I'm just grateful that she wants to know what we do with the kids so she can care for them. I know that when they visit or we visit them, they prefer to spend all their time with the kids. My parents just aren't like that. My MIL is also a former preschool teacher, so...and my kids are likely her only grandkids - my mom has 3 others right now and will probably have more.
I don't mean to make this sound like bragging, but when my mom comes, she is usually forcing us out the door- telling us to go stay in a hotel for awhile without the kids- she is obsessd with us getting alone time from the children. so is my MIL.
I will make sure to be extra grateful from now on, because Im sad that your ma is not so inclined.
that SUCKS.
I know people are different, etc...but sheesh.
Im sorry.
I just don't get it!
I also don't get why my MIL thought going to mexico when S had heart surgery wasn't a big deal either!
can't pick your family, right?
sorry she hurt your feelings.