- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Single Parents
Marriage Counseling
I posted a while back looking for advice, but here's a brief refresher. I'm married to a military man (Navy), and DD and I recently moved out here to be with him, and now he's deployed. We've been having issues since day one (got married b/c I was pregnant, money problems, trust issues thanks to the money problems, etc). He's not on drugs, addicted to alcohol, cheating, etc, but we just don't fit. I'm hoping to go to marriage counseling when he comes home as a last resort. I really am hoping it all works out, b/c I was raised through three very messy divorces, and though I hope to have a more amicable dealing with my H should the need arise, it always worries me what my daughter will go through. That being said, I'm still planning for the worst.
So my question is, who's been to marriage counseling? Did it help at all? Even if it didn't save your marriage would you still say it was worth it?
And if anyone has any experience with the military aspects of things, I would especially appreciate your POV.
TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Marriage Counseling
I would recommend going to individual counseling while he's still deployed so you can try to work some of the emotions you're having right now.
STBXH and I didn't go to counesling (by the time I suggested it, he was refusing it) but I went to a few sessions by myself and it really helped.
X and I are going to counseling right now, at his request. The counselor is encouraging us to reconcile and repair our relationship, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen just yet, or at all for that matter.
I do feel like it is helping both of us to understand things that happened between us that affected our relationship, and how the way we dealt with those things, coupled with our lack of communication, is what brought us down and broke us apart. I feel like that in itself is helpful, because at some point, even if we don't end up together, it will help us forgive each other for the things we've done so we can have some sort of friendship/good parenting relationship for our son.
On another note, as pp said, try solo counseling as well. We've done some individual sessions with our counselor and I always leave feeling so much better and more in control of my situation. The situation between X and I has actually gotten much better since those individual sessions because I've come to realize the way certain things I do grate on him and make the situation worse.
We also never attended marriage counseling. I was 99.9% done but thought it couldn't hurt to at least try to help us understand each other. XH said he wanted to do it, but I made setting up an appointment his job, and sadly, it never happened.
Lurker coming out for this one.
DH and I went to counseling and it was extremely beneficial for us. We originally started by doing individual counseling and then eventually we would see both of our individual counselors together (all four of us). It was so helpful for us to work on things individually and then come together to have discussions with mulitple view points. DH is an alcoholic and at that point I think we both felt like we needed someone who was on our "side" so to speak so having both individual counselors there worked out really well.
I would strongly suggest at least trying it, particularly in your situation where there is not drug use or abuse. I also agree with PP's about seeing someone individually as well.
Currently we are in marriage counseling and I am seeing an individual counselor as well. I can't speak to whether or not this will all save our marriage or not but I hope it will. It is very important that both of you are committed to it though. One of my concerns is that I feel MH does not take it seriously.
For what it is worth my parents are divorced, and my Dad saw a counselor for YEARS afterwards and really turned his life around. Of my 2 parents, he is the one I feel the most able to count on. So even if counseling doesn't help your marriage, it might help you cope with whatever outcomes there are and therefore be a better parent in the long run.
Good luck to you!