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Single Parents
New here and sooo lost!
My husband and I seperated last month. After my son was born my eyes were opened and I finally saw very clearly that my husband had a long list of problems that were not getting better. Alchohol abuse, Gambling addiction, infidelity, and i SUSPECT drugs. I am terrified that he is going to get split custody (he retained a lawyer and plans to fight for split custody). I have never been seperated from my 8 month old so I am having anxiety and depression threw the roof just at the thought of not having him every single day, let alone leaving him with his father who in my eyes is not fit at this time. I am fighting for supervised visits. If any of you girls have been threw this, what was the outcome? I live in NJ and im being told that the judges in this state are very pro father, ecspecially the judge i've been assigned.
I have proof of the gambling, he has a criminal record for sexual assault(which i never knew about until i went to get a restraining order last week) however i have no proof that he is an alchoholic, with the exception of a journal i've kept that is filled with stories of him drinking and driving and coming home wasted at 3am, every lawyer i talk to tells me i NEED proof of the drinking problem. What am i going to do???
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Re: New here and sooo lost!
First of all, you need a lawyer, some of these questions are legal questions that we can't answer.
Next, you need to continue to document as well as gather everything that you have against him that is PROOF (the criminal record of sexual assault will be important) as well as anything else that you have which would convince a judge that he has these issues that you are claiming.
Do not listen to him. he's likely just talking out of his asss regarding the split custody. They always SAY this but don't really want it. he's attempting to rile you up, don't communicate with him further about any of this.
I agree with you that I need a lawyer! Finding one has been hard, Ive seen four and they all have said something different. One tells me my husband will NOT get over nights, the next is telling me he has that right and probably will get split custody. So frustrating!
I was just looking to hear how things turned out for other girls having been threw this. I guess im wondering how likely it is for him to get split or even overnights
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I wish I had some advice.
I am wondering what kind of proof you need to prove he is an alcoholic? My STBXH is a bad alcoholic. I am wondering what kind of proof I should be getting together before I go meet with my lawyer.
My STBXH is an alcoholic. He has 13 related arrests, including 4 DUI's, the most recent when I was pregnant. He even went to jail a month before I filed and we had mediation because he showed up to a probation meeting drunk.
I wanted supervised visitation due to these facts and several others. Our mediator was a retired judge who said the courts would not grant supervised visitation based on these facts alone. When DS is w/ STBXH, he changes LO, plays with LO, doesn't neglect him, etc. Therefore, he is perfectly fit to have unsupervised time, including overnights, with him. I had a stack of guilty pleas, police reports, sentencing orders, substance abuse evaluations, probation violations, and the like, but none of it mattered. He doesn't support LO financially at all and doesn't have a driver's license. I had logged extensive verbal abuse documentation including taping some of the conversations about what he would do if I ever "tried to take B away from him."Again-doesn't matter in the eyes of the courts.
I fought really hard to prevent the overnights, which STBXH eventually gave into thankfully. It does help me to know that B is in HIS crib, in HIS home, every single night.
If you want supervised visitation, you must prove that he will put LO in danger in some way, not just that he makes poor decisions for himself. As long as he doesn't leave LO by the side of the road or something equally negligent, he's probably going to get unsupervised visitation.
Word of advice about the journal: be as brief and unemotional as possible.
Say things like: Arrived home at 3am intoxicated. Broke three dishes on the kitchen floor (see enclosed picture of broken dishes)
as opposed to: H didn't get home until 3am. When he got home he was acting drunk and belligerent and crazy. He was yelling and not making sense. He started yelling at me and went into the kitchen and broke three dishes, all the while yelling at me the whole time. I asked him how many drinks he had and he yelled back "two beers, what's it to you?" I know that he was lying because he never acts that way drinking just two beers.
You get the idea.