Is your husband helping at night?

Poppywedding · April 2011

Since I am the one on maternity leave I seem to be the designated caregiver all the time. In the beginning I was ok with this, but it is really starting to wear on me.I am always the one to wake in the middle of the night with the baby. It is seriously killing me. I am so sleep deprived that I cannot even function anymore. My husband will feed the baby a bottle at 12 and then she wakes about every 2 hours. Today he said he would come home early from work to help me and I just talked to him on the phone and he now says that he has to work late.

What is the arrangement that you and your significant other have?

Twinkz · April 2011

DH is off work right now so he's being as helpful as he can. Since I'm EBFing, nights fall pretty much only on me but if I need a break he'll get up and sit with him while I take a 20 minute nap or so. Because of my c-section and bladder complications I'm rather restricted - laundry, stairs,

Magical95 · April 2011

DH does nothing at night. He has offered and wants to but I said no. Theres not much he can do since we are BFing. He will take over after he gets off work or take a short shift before he leaves for work to give me a break.

Beccaboo0713 · April 2011

Yes. He gets her about half the time.

MissYouDietCoke · April 2011

He wakes up every time I do. Sometimes LO takes a while to get back to sleep after he nurses, and DH will insist that I go back to sleep, and he'll stay up to get him back to sleep.

We never really talked about it, DH is just awesome like that.

verona_1999 · April 2011

My dh has to get up for work at 4 am and i'm still on maternity leave. So I do all the night time stuff, plus I am bfing so there isn't much he can do. On his days off I pump a bottle and he takes her when she wakes up around 7 am and then he lets me sleep till whenever I want. I'm okay with it, plus lo sleeps for about 4-5 hours a night so it's not too bad!

Rissalt · April 2011

He feeds her a bottle (with breastmilk) at 6:30 a little before his normal wake up time. He's offered to help at night with diapers and stuff but since he has to work and I can nap during the day, I told him no. Does the baby sleep during the day? I would nap as much as you can when the baby is asleep and have an honest conversation with your husband. Even if he could do one more feeding when he gets up, change the diaper so you can sleep a little extra, that would help, I'm sure!

mrswright2006 · April 2011

Since I BF, I only wake him if DS needs a diaper change or if he refuses to go back to sleep. DH is great about taking the load off me when I need it, or finding ways to lighten my load this time. Last time, it was much harder for me, because he didn't understand what I needed him to do, and I wasn't telling him what needed to be done, because I didn't want to "bother" him or complain about being a SAHM.

adriasf · April 2011

I am EBFing so he can't help with feedings or anything, but when he gets home from work he takes DD for burping, diaper changes, playing, being held etc. so that I can have a break. He has offered to get up at night to burp and diaper change but I don't let him since I am at home and can nap with her during the day. He does get up and do the diaper change before he goes to work and will take her out of the room on the weekends in the early am so I can get some sleep without her grunting and whatnot. He has also said that if/when I am really exhausted, he could get up early on weekdays and do the same thing. Talk to your DH and see if he can provide more support. I am sure it would be good for all of you if you felt more rested and supported!

SpartanGirl · April 2011

DH takes over baby duty around 4am every morning and I can sleep until about 7. Whoever does not have the baby gets up with the other kids when/if they wake up as well. Usually if I'm nursing I do the night wakings until baby is weaned, then DH takes over.

ETA: We're supplementing with formula at night so it makes it easier for DH to help out.

mommyjenny257 · April 2011

DH takes a sleeping pill to help him stay asleep at night (he has sleep apnea and also it helps him from having been deployed to Afghanistan). So needless to say, DH doesn't even hear the baby cry at night and furthermore, if he does, he doesn't even budge to help. There was one night, the baby was laying on the bed and I had to run to the kitchen to make the bottle, and he started screaming bloody murder. DH didn't even budge. I asked him in the morning why he didn't at least try and sooth DS and he said he didn't hear anything. Go figure....when I go back to work, he says he'll stop taking the pills for a while to help me if DS isn't STTN yet.

kellibelli04 · April 2011

DH was doing a great job helping... until he broke his arm. Now, he'll still feed her, but I have to change her, set her up in the boppy (he can't hold her), and then burp her afterwards so I might as well do it anyway. He wants to help and I know he feels bad that he can't right now.

veronica2447 · April 2011

i pretty much do it all at night... I figure that since I'm on maternity leave, and he has to work the next day, its only fair... I usually will nap during the day when LO is napping When DH gets home from work, he does help me out, and does everything I ask him to do without complaining LOL

I must admit though that on the weekend sometimes DH will start playing a computer game with his brother and then he doesn't really help out... Now that really upsets me

ermimac · April 2011

He gets up everytime LO wakes up. When we hear him start to cry, DH gets up, goes into the nursery, change and swaddle LO, and bring him to me to feed. I snooze for a few more minutes while DH is doing that and then when he gives him to me to feed he goes back to sleep. Sometimes if he is still awake he will bring him back into the nursery when he falls back asleep, but I usually put him back in the crib. We never really talked about it, that's just the routine we have gotten into and I love it and it still allows DH to get sleep while I'm feeding him.

beeunit · April 2011

He does sometimes, it really depends. He's back to work and I'm still on leave, so I don't have a problem getting up with him. Sometimes though, if he is crying non-stop or if I can't get him to burp, DH gets up and helps me out. He tells me to wake him up if I need him every night, I just usually don't.

Phil&Corinna · April 2011

beeunit:
He does sometimes, it really depends. He's back to work and I'm still on leave, so I don't have a problem getting up with him. Sometimes though, if he is crying non-stop or if I can't get him to burp, DH gets up and helps me out. He tells me to wake him up if I need him every night, I just usually don't.

This exactly. The other night I'd been up for 2 feedings (usually only 1 during the night), the first one was 1.5 hrs long and the 2nd was 30 minutes but DS clearly wanted more (we give him bottles in 2oz increments and he was still hungry). I woke DH up to give him the 2nd bottle because it was 6:45am (about an hour before DH normally gets up, and a reasonable time, IMO, to get up for the day) but also so I could sleep for at least another hour before he left!! LO has been extra clingy this week!!

eeyoreem · April 2011

Dh will wake if lo starts screaming or I can't calm him quickly and will then help out. I also hand over the baby in the evening for them to hand out after I feed, we just got back to bf so dh can't give a bottle right now but after we are well established in about a month I have a great freezer stash already from the week I was EPing and I may have dh give a bottle in the evening while I go to bed early. Otherwise I let him sleep since he drives a company truck all day I want him alert and safe.

skio · April 2011

Since DH went back to work, I handle the night feedings/changings. The deal used to be that whenever DD started to wake and cry, he'd get up with her and change her, then bring her to me in bed. I'd feed her (I EBF) and put her back down. This was great for me because it meant I didn't have to get up and down out of bed over and over when I was still in pain from the c-sec.

Now (and for the last week and a half), I've let him off the hook for the MOTN feeding. He doesnt get home until 11pm, so I'm on my own til then. I usually do her last feeding around 10 or 11, then wait for DH to get home and take her. I'll go to bed and he'll rock her until she's asleep. Ideally, she goes down at about 12:30 - he goes to bed then - and she sleeps until somewhere between 5 and 5:30 - I handle that change/feed on my own in the nursery instead of in bed and put her back down. She then sleeps until anywhere between 8 and 9:30, and he helps me with that feed. So with just skipping the MOTN feed, he's able to get 6-8 continuous hours.

DD is not on a schedule yet, though, so we play it by ear. Basically, he stays sleeping for anything that happens between 1am and 8am.

While he's working, I'm fine with this. I can nap if I need to during the day, he can't. He's also got a long drive to work and back, and I don't want him driving overtired!

pregaftertubal · April 2011

nope. i'm it overnight. he helps when he can, when he's home in the evening. but he's at work for almost 12 hrs a day, then when he gets home he's usually taking one of our older kids to a practice or game or running someone somewhere. plus, i'm a SAHM and i do home daycare. and a nursing mom to boot. so he really couldn't help!

LovingStepMom · April 2011

Half the time he wakes up with me but I tell him to go back down since he doesn't nap well...the other half he just sleeps through it....but, he does help me at 5 AM until about 7 AM...and sometimes I get a 30 min nap

hispenguin · April 2011

When DH was off for three weeks at the beginning he got up every feeding to help at least change her diaper. Now that he's back to work during the week he sleeps in the guestroom during the work week and then on the weekends sleeps with me and then gets up one feeding a night.

During the work week he works split shifts though, so he comes home in the morning, has breakfast then when she gets up he give her her morning bottle and then snuggles her while I have breakfast, pump and shower.

ckandi007 · April 2011

Our LO is thankfully STTN, but when he's starting to wake up in the morning, if DH is here (he's working on a dual masters degree and is only home during the weekends), then he will change him before I nurse.

MrsChelseaP09 · April 2011

I am a SAHM and EBFing, so I take care of LO throughout the night. He will grab her and change her diaper before he leaves for work, if she needs it but I basically take care of her 99.9% of the time during the week.

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