- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
March 2011 Moms
We're at each other's throats!
Is anyone else completely frustrated with their DH? I imagined this to be such an awesome/amazing time for my new little family.. but I literally cannot stand him. When I'm getting ZERO sleep at night and I look over at him snoozing, I want to kill him! He gets up if I ask him to, but I honestly feel like I shouldn't have to ask him. He does go to work during the day while I stay home with Kindle.. but I NEVER get a nap! She has her days and nights mixed up like you wouldn't believe. Most nights she wakes up every 1-2 hours and wakes up around 4 and stays awake until around 9. He wakes up for work around 5:30, but I don't understand why he can't wake up an hour early some mornings so I can get some rest, too.
I've talked to him about this and he always says he understands and that he needs to help more...BUT HE DOESN'T?! In my opinion (which I know isn't everyone else's), we chose to have this baby...which means he chose with me to have some really sleepless nights. Maybe I'm hormonal, but I'm dying!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: We're at each other's throats!
I think it`s pretty normal. We`re on our third child and DH is a million times more helpful than he was with the first, but he still sucks.
I don`t know if you have tried this yet, but I always found that putting my LO`s by the window and taking them out a lot during the day helped them to figure out their days and nights sooner. You may find that once she sleeps better you will start liking DH again.
Completely and totally beyond frustrated with DH. I cried myself to sleep - rather hysterically. When he has less than normal sleep he becomes moody and short. He takes out his frustrations on me. With our dog being sick he hasn't been getting much sleep but I'm still the one living on a few hours a day. When he came to bed last night he asked what's wrong and I told him in detail that I just can't do it. I can't keep the dog happy, baby happy, and him happy all at the same time. I'm still in pain, running on so little sleep and generally just over-stressed.
I think he got the picture. When DS started fussing after his 11pm feeding he got up to be with him so I could get some sleep. He even offered to stay up with him after his 3am feeding, I told him to go to bed because I know the less sleep he has the shorter his patience but atleast he's offering.
That being said - DH is still on medical leave for my surgery so he isn't working during the day. I anticipate his help to drop off rather dramatically when he goes back to work.
I totally agree. Guys, in general I have found, need things spelled out. So instead of saying "I need help", say " can you do _________ for me?"
In my opinion, they just don't get it. All the things that I (and i guess you, and everyone who is pregnant) have been feeling and thinking and worrying about since you got that positive pregnancy test, Dh has not. The changes in your body and wardrobe and ability to move around, he has not been experiencing himself. For my DH, his world didn't really change until the baby actually CAME HOME, and then he was really angry about not sleeping and resenting all the changes. I think he gets it now with baby #2 but only after A LOT of conversations about how i was feeling. DH thought he got it at #1 but he definitely did not. - This may sound a little bleak, but it was really helpful to be to realize my DH hadn't suddenly turned into a total a$$hole but that he was a guy who was clueless.
I've told my DH this every day for 7 weeks! We have "talks" at least once a week that result in my crying (damn hormones)... but we both always feel better afterwards.
DH has told me that he feels like I'm so disgusted with him that I will cheat on him or divorce him... but then he still doesn't change anything he does.
If I keep my feelings in, I start to resent DH, and I don't want that. Last week, I said the same thing I felt like I've said 10 times now, but I guess it was how I said it... DH got it! He got up 2 x during the night without me waking up. The next day he took LO to the mall BY HIMSELF! so I could nap.
He was on spring break last week, so it was easier. Now, he's back to work and I've been on round the clock baby duty since Sunday night.
I go back to work on April 25th. Four more weeks of school and we'll both be home for summer!
You're not alone- if DH and I can survive the newborn stage, we'll be together forever!
Life of mrsjanks
I know this post is mainly about DHs, but about the day/night confusion part ... like the previous post said, taking the baby outside during the daytime helps a lot. That's what I think helped Mackenzie learn day and night.
Our roughest day was over the weekend- DH had a three day weekend, so I made sure that he knew how the Dr. Brown's bottles worked and how to warm up the milk, and went to sleep. I ended up getting up with LO EVERY time that night- when I asked him to give her a bottle, he mumbled "just give her the boob". Then, in the morning, I told him that I wanted to exchange two packs of newborn diapers for size 1 and 2 because we aren't going to use them all ... it was going to be my first time taking LO shopping and I told him I wanted him along the first time. He kept procrastinating and procrastinating until finally late afternoon I started SOBBING and said "all I wanted was for you to give your daughter a bottle and drive us to target". He's been better since that meltdown, and he was wonderful the first two weeks- he just got off track for awhile. He can still sleep through her crying- that's crazy to me!
I know exactly what you are talking about. I once told a friend I wanted baby in my room so I would not resent the baby for making me get out of bed....she told me you resent your husband (how true). We started splitting the night (he takes until 2:00 i get after) it works better for us than each one gets a night.
Hope you find something that works....and remember they eventually do sleep the whole night (though it does not feel like it right now).