Leaving the hospital ?

erinmoore4 · April 2011

Evening everyone... DH and I left the hospital today. Emily was stable and doing as well as she can right now. I am just wandering if anyone had guilt when leaving? And if so how did you handle it? We are home but being here feels so strange bc we know she is here but 45 min away. I am pumping every two hours and we have called twice. It helps us for a minute. And pumping helps me stay a little more connected to her care I think. I wish I could just tuck her back up and tell her to wait 3 more months... But if wishes were pennies and all that... Thank you for the insight.

hrking2011 · April 2011

I stayed for a week after Teagen was born and on the drive home (an hour away) I was a mess. I cried for a few days after too since I couldnt get back up there. The NICU and leaving the hospital without her are 2 of the hardest things I've ever gone through but keep in mind that Emily is in the best care possible, and sometimes if you ask the nurses to snuggle with her when you can't be there. That always gave me some comfort when Teagens nurses cuddled her.

MrsLee22 · April 2011

My babies were born on a Friday and I went home that Sunday... and honestly, it was one of the worst nights of my life. I cried like a baby and called every 2 hours when I was up pumping all night long. I won't say it gets easier but you do get used to it after awhile. I still have some nights that I cry when I leave them, but like PP said you just have to remind yourself that they're getting the best care that they can. Keep your chin up!

CLAYLIOVER · April 2011

I wish I had more advice but just try and stay strong! Pumping is the BEST thing you can do right now! You are helping Emily in more ways than you know! Lots of hugs tonight!

Kate621 · April 2011

CLAYLIOVER:
I wish I had more advice but just try and stay strong! Pumping is the BEST thing you can do right now! You are helping Emily in more ways than you know! Lots of hugs tonight!

This exactly. Leaving is so hard but right now it is what you have to do. The only thing that got me through the four months we were in the NICU was just taking it day by day. Sometimes even hour by hour. Everyday that passes is one day closer to bringing your LO home. ((hugs))

kck329 · April 2011

MrsLee22:
My babies were born on a Friday and I went home that Sunday... and honestly, it was one of the worst nights of my life. I cried like a baby and called every 2 hours when I was up pumping all night long. I won't say it gets easier but you do get used to it after awhile. I still have some nights that I cry when I leave them, but like PP said you just have to remind yourself that they're getting the best care that they can. Keep your chin up!

This was me almost exactly, just different days. It doesn't ever seem ok to leave your babies with someone else. The thing that helps me the most has been finding a few night nurses (I'm able to be with her every day) that I really trust and asking them to be her primaries. This means I know she is getting consistant care that I trust. If no one has talked to you about primary nurses yet, talk to the charge nurse (this person does the scheduling and assignments) and find out how it works at your hospital. Knowing the people who care for your baby when you can't makes it less awful.

Hang in there, you are doing the best things you can for Emily by making sure she gets the care (and food!) she needs. Hard as it is, this is you being an amazing mommy for her.

alamo10 · April 2011

I can't even imagine how hard that would be. I had my LO on a tuesday and got discharged on friday but got to stay in a room until we got to go home that next tuesday. Stay strong and think positive, you're doing everything you can so don't feel guilty.

ShannonSky · April 2011

Of COURSE your feelings are totally normal. We all experience guilt over leaving our babies at one point or another. Our stay was much shorter than yours will be, but I passed the time by working on getting the house ready for DD while I was at home, and just spending time with her when I was there (plus the pumping all the time!). Someday she'll be strong enough to come home and you won't be able to just sit with her...some of my best memories are just spending time rocking DD. Hang in there and take it one day at a time!

ayram · April 2011

Ditto to all the pp. Leaving the hospital without your baby is one of the hardest, emptiest feelings.

(One small thing that helped me cope was distracting myself - with a chick lit book or magazine - otherwise I'd keep thinking about my LO and crying. )

Just remember that you'll get through it and in the blink of an eye, your preemie will be 4 years old, hugging you, and going off to school!!! Big Smile

ruthiewith · April 2011

Hugs to you. It's awful leaving your babies there, even though they're getting excellent care. I was a wreck, emotions all over the place. It really helped me to get into a routine early on. This helped structure my days and gave me something to look forward to. I lived 45 minutes away too and it was absolutely exhausting with all that driving back and forth. I took it one day (heck, one hour) at a time so I could cope. Also, I pumped and started a baby book for DS, which helped me pass the time at the hospital while he was snoozing and I was at his bedside. I also took one day off a week to regroup and this was key. I felt guilty, but it gave me time to catch up on sleep and do something for myself, which helped me a lot.

elisbu · April 2011

I think guilt is the most natural feeling that day.

Monday was my day home, I cried when we left the hospital, but then thought I would be okay.- the minute I saw her nursery I lost it.
I felt guilty again when I made less milk because I wasn't getting sleep.
I felt guilty when we forced her to take a bottle yesterday.
I felt guilty when I moved her too much when changing her bedsheets and then she spit up most of breakfast.

I think your feelings are right on the mark. Good Luck. I am hoping it gets easier, though I doubt it will.

erinmoore4 · April 2011

Thank you everyone. It helps knowing that it is normal to feel guilty. We called 4xs last night. And the dr called this am. Emily is getting her first blood transfucion today. And her head u/s for bleeding came back inconclusive so they aren't sure about it and will do another tomorrow. I am hoping the transfusion gives her an extra little bump but we will see. Thank you again

megan1019 · April 2011

kck329:
MrsLee22:
My babies were born on a Friday and I went home that Sunday... and honestly, it was one of the worst nights of my life. I cried like a baby and called every 2 hours when I was up pumping all night long. I won't say it gets easier but you do get used to it after awhile. I still have some nights that I cry when I leave them, but like PP said you just have to remind yourself that they're getting the best care that they can. Keep your chin up!
This was me almost exactly, just different days. It doesn't ever seem ok to leave your babies with someone else. The thing that helps me the most has been finding a few night nurses (I'm able to be with her every day) that I really trust and asking them to be her primaries. This means I know she is getting consistant care that I trust. If no one has talked to you about primary nurses yet, talk to the charge nurse (this person does the scheduling and assignments) and find out how it works at your hospital. Knowing the people who care for your baby when you can't makes it less awful.
Hang in there, you are doing the best things you can for Emily by making sure she gets the care (and food!) she needs. Hard as it is, this is you being an amazing mommy for her.

Exactly this! Finding primaries who you love helps so much more! Hang in there!

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