When did you start time-outs?

Cooper81 · April 2011

I know John is entirely too young to understand the concept so it's not something that we are going to start soon, but I'm wondering what are the signs/personal developments that indicate a time out would be effective and they would understand what it means?

John has started hitting when he is upset, and we just say "no hitting" when he hits one of us, then he starts hitting himself in the head. Again we say no hitting and if he doesn't stop we just hold his arm on the side of his body and try to divert his attention to something else. This seems to work now, but I'm trying to figure out what the next step is.

erikaph · April 2011

Honestly, I used the diversion approach for a really long time. In fact, I still use it! I think it's a really good way of getting them away from the bad behaviour. I mean, we're looking for good behaviour right? Since we try to focus more on positive discipline, we make a much bigger deal when she does something right, than when she does something wrong.

I think we started using time outs somewhere between 18 months and 2. We only do it for one minute per year of age. So at 3.5, we'll do around 3.5 minutes (but less if she's genuinely sorry/acknowleges the behaviour right away). We don't do it all that often, because I think the more you use Time Out, the more 'diluted' it gets. I save it for when she's being REALLY stubborn, and as a result, it usually works pretty effectively.

weezie825 · April 2011

I am in the process of reading 1-2-3 Magic and they state that it is age appropriate to begin time outs at age 2.

KathrynMD · April 2011

We tried it once or twice before Ella was 2 and it was pretty much a disaster. And, just led to my hysterics and it was genearlly when she was overtired/hungry, etc. so it was more my fault than hers for not regulating whatever. However, now I think we definitely need to do it - as she is now a big fan of hitting. (She went through the hitting herself stage too - and the doctor and daycare suggested just ignoring it and it went away on its own). Now she's hitting when she's just wants to get her way. I've tried just walking away and/or ignoring it, distracting her, etc. but that's not working. I really didn't want to have to do T/O, but I kinda feel like I have to do them at this point.

ucgrad · April 2011

In certain instances of tantrum/hitting, we've had luck with telling her to use her words, and showing her how to change the situation. For example - she really loves the cats but despises them on her things. She has a little chair they always sit in and she gets really mad when she wants to sit in it. So, she'll stand there and scream and hit the cat. So, we've been working on - "Sophia, use your words. Tell the kitty to please get off of your chair." Then, we'll shoo the cat off the chair while saying, please get down kitty. I happened to look over and see her shoo the cat off the chair the other day instead of making a big deal out of it. Unfortuately, it doesn't fit all situations - like when you can't tell why they're hitting. But, so far it has worked for us in some situations.

photo_nut · April 2011

I never did time outs, DD is 4, and I still never feel there is a need to use time out. We redirect. She rarely hits, but when she does, I know it's because she is tired,hungry or upset. So I explain to her you can't hit, if she must hit something, she must hit a pillow or a couch (I don't think hitting in general is wrong, you just can't hit people or animals) and if not she needs to tell us what is wrong, but even at 4, she can't express herself very well sometimes. I think time-outs are pointless and not used correctly, but that is just me

FieryIrishAngel · April 2011

I never knew time-outs were such a controversial topic.

We started using time-out when Mia was around 2 (maybe a bit younger) and they've been quite effective in our home. Obviously she didn't understand the concept when we first started, but we didn't expect her to. At 4 she fully understand what a time-out is and what kind of behavior will garner a time-out. They don't happen often, but when the need arises, we use them.

BillysGrl27 · April 2011

weezie825:
I am in the process of reading 1-2-3 Magic and they state that it is age appropriate to begin time outs at age 2.

LOVE this book and strategy! I actually use a version of it in my classroom and it works wonders with even some of my most difficult students.

anonsouthernbell · April 2011

I had planned on using time-outs until I read Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting. It is a great, research based book, but it definitely "broke" a lot of parenting paradigms that I had. So no time-outs for us either

RoxyKD · April 2011

I'm wondering this too...since I seem to say "No..." an awful lot, he has learned to say the word "NO" pretty darn well.

So I'm trying to replace my "No..." with "Not Nice!". Terrible Two's have arrived EARLY.

jnealet · April 2011

We haven't used them yet but Emily is pretty timid. I've had a lot of luck with my own version of 1-2-3 Magic. I think I may actually have to buy the book though because I'm sure she's going to outwit me pretty soon.

photo_nut · April 2011

anonsouthernbell:
I had planned on using time-outs until I read Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting. It is a great, research based book, but it definitely "broke" a lot of parenting paradigms that I had. So no time-outs for us either

My FAVORITE book, I think it should be required reading for all parents! This is why we don't do time outs either

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