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VBAC
MAprincess
member
Upsetting stories. . .
MAprincess
member
in VBAC
I was reading an article on the Unecessarian website and noticed there were birth stories on the side to click on. I clicked on one that was clearly a CS one so I wasn't expecting all roses and sunshine, but what I read was really troubling. The woman basically said that she blamed her baby for the CS (baby was breech) and that her DD is 18 months old and she still hates her. She claimed that she went to therapy but it didn't work and medication didn't help. But really, really upsetting stuff. She said she takes care of her (BFed her and everything) but always hated how she smelled and just hates looking at her.
That said, I did not have a cake walk CS but I loved my DS from the second I saw him and we bonded right away (well 3 hours after the CS when I first saw him). And I'd like to think, had my VBAC not been successful and I had another CS that I would never have blamed DD for that. Of course, I bonded with her right away also.
Another thing that was troubling was that someone commented on her post that they didn't believe that people who had CS could ever bond appropriately with their babies.
Are these types of views common? It makes me really sad for these children. I am the type who would like to think that no matter how that baby got here, they will be unconditionally loved by their mother.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Upsetting stories. . .
I agree, that is a very upsetting story. I don't think it's common, or at least I haven't really heard stories like that before.
I had a very scary birth experience with DS1 and while I loved him instantly, the bonding was a slower process for us. That said, I can't even imagine blaming him or hating looking at him. I have to think that the person who wrote that story has other personal issues contributing to their feelings towards their child, which is very sad
I think that birth is important and that women's choices should be respected, but I have a hard time believing that birth is the be-all-end-all for bonding. I think it's possible to take issues like these to extremes sometimes.
WOW. I hated every minute of my CS & the recovery & years on I am still dealing with the emotional fallout! But I could never, ever blame my DS for it! Sure it slowed bonding down a little but I don't think we bonded any worse for it, just differently to how I expected!
I didn't read the story but sounds to me that the woman might have some other issues going on!
Not common at all. Many women are completely happy with their cesareans, and the vast majority of those that aren't are able to separate the experience from the child. Someone who HATES her child, who can BLAME a fetus for what happened to her, must have already had issues before and the birth experience just brought that out into the open, yk? It doesn't even make sense to place blame on a fetus/newborn who can't even control their movements yet, has no mental capacity for that kind of intention, etc. Any stabile person can figure that out within a few minutes of thinking about it, no matter what kind of birth they had.
A while back I read an article about a woman who shook her baby to death for crying while she wanted to play FarmVille. I think this is kinda the same thing. You can try to place the blame on the cesarean or on FarmVille, but the blame is on a mentally unstable mother. Neither a cesarean nor FarmVille MAKES someone do these things.
Man, I remember that first night with my older son. After 22 hours of labor and a traumatic c/s I still stayed up all night looking, touching and talking. It was an instant bond and I get so angry when I see/hear those comments. That first night was magical for me despite the pain and exhaustion and I can't even fathom how the bond between us could be better. (Well, until those terrible 2's hit!!!!)
Anyone who hates their child for such a reason probably wouldn't have liked the child much no matter how they gave birth. Any slight trauma would have probably caused a similar reaction to her child.
I agree with you all. Clearly she has issues (and had them before). But I am rattled by the fact that 18 months later, no one has intervened- not her DH, doctor, etc.
And I am irritated with that commenter who believes you can't truly bond with a baby you had by CS. That is crazy.
Yeah, there are deeper issues going on than just having had a c-section if she's feeling resentment towards her daughter.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I had a traumatic c/s, bfing troubles, and I didn't feel I bonded w/ DS right away. When he was born, I think I was dazed from what had just happened and then I went into crisis mode of figuring how to get bfing to work. It took a few weeks to get that feeling I thought would happen instantly. I don't want to say I didn't love DS right away. He was definitely my baby. But I felt like I needed to get to know him first. If that makes any sense.
I know the delayed bonding was affected by my having a c/s under general anesthesia and my health issues after birth. But I have never made DS responsible for that. If anything, I blame myself that he had to be born before he was ready because of my health issue.
I've had 3 c/s and the only one that left me feeling less bonded w/ my child was the traumatic one under g/a (scheduled c/s #2). I clearly remember wanting the nurses to take him away from me and not wanting to be with him. This emotion lasted about 24 hrs and then I quickly found my way back to him.
I have lots of anger and frustration toward my 1st dr that pressured me into an unnecessary induction monitored by over zealous residents, my 2nd dr that allowed anesthesiologists and nurse to put me under g/a despite me screaming at them to stop and explain what was going on, and dr telling me that none of it happened post c/s. I try to forgive everyone but still replay what happened over and over.
This!
I normally do not post on this board, but I am toying with the idea of a VBAC if we have a second child. My c/s was disappointing to me, becaue I had planned on a natural birth, made it all the way to the pushing stage, and just didn't progress. As far as the actual recovery from the c/s, it wasn't the hardest surgery that I have ever been through. I can't say that I felt that instant bond because I was still drugged when they were handing her to me, and shaking so that I couldn't hold her right away. That being said, I held her within thirty minutes to an hour, tried to breastfeed, and still felt some bonding. Obviously, my emotional bond with my child grew stronger with time. I suffered from PPD, but I honestly can't imagine that things would have been any different with a natural birth. Regardless, I cannot imagine anyone actually using a c/s as an excuse for the above disturbing feelings towards their child. Someone should be guiding this women towards some psychiatric help before something terrible happens!