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KYmama9286
member
Great article about post-partum visitors
KYmama9286
member
I thought this was a great blog post about how to be the best post-partum visitor :-)
What are your thoughts? Would you appreciate someone doing these things? Would you add anything to the list?
https://avital.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-to-be-best-post-partum-visitor-in.html#axzz1JKukRlaP
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Great article about post-partum visitors
I wish that some of our visitors had read this before coming
Really though, I didn't want anyone around (besides DH and my mom) after coming home from the hospital for about 2 weeks. My ILs came and overstayed their welcome on more than one occasion. Other than that, I basically just held off on responding to people that wanted to come visit. I felt bad at the time and still kind of feel bad for basically ignoring some people who tried to come over 2-3 days after we got home, but looking back I just needed that time to myself and my baby. Going even further, I almost wish that I didn't have so many visitors at the hospital- it was SO nice and thoughtful for people to visit, but I hardly had any time to myself alone with DH and DS and I didn't sleep for 3 days because of all of the visitors.
The only thing on that list that I don't think I would ever do is bring cleaner for the bathroom. I think that might come off the wrong way, like I'm trying to clean their bathroom because it looked dirty or something. Maybe if you offer before just going in there and doing it, it wouldn't be so strange.
DS #1 born January 2010. DS #2 due June 2014.
I wish I had generally had more PP visitors. I got home from the hospital Sunday, DH was back to work Monday, and I was alone. My family came a few weeks later, but then it was overnight guests, which is an annoyance that early on.
I have to admit, our friends just had a baby and I am jealous seeing their pictures of all of their PP visitors. We had just a couple of people stop by, and only 1 friend brought food. I definitely felt isolated and lonely. And the part about breastfeeding is so true. My in-laws overstayed many times and I just wanted to BF in peace, on the couch, without having to hide out in the bedroom.
@ Megan-- that is a great idea about the pets. We dont have any so its not something that I would have even thought about but it is a really good suggestion.
@ Emily-- I can totally see how that feels. I literally didnt sleep for 3 days after having Nicholas and I think it was from the adrenaline and hormones haha I liked having some guests but it was also awkward having others since I was pumping like crazy and it was just awkward to do in a hospital room crammed with people
We were incredibly blessed and have a pretty good church family. Our church actually sends out the birth announcement and includes who to contact about bringing meals to the family. My best friend Megan organized meals and we had someone bringing us meals almost everyday for about 2 weeks which was WONDERFUL! (She even coordinated with everyone so we didnt end up with repeat meals). I think the reason I didnt mind it was because 1) I was way too exhausted to cook and think about meal planning, 2) Most of the people who brought meals were NOT first time moms and I think understood how stressful it is in the beginning. Many were in and out within like 10 minutes, many of them did not ask to hold Nicholas since they had other kids that were inevitably carrying germs and they realized that the blessing was bringing me a meal not holding my baby. It was nice though to have other moms stop by and ask how it was going, ask questions, etc. I felt like part of the "mom club" and it was nice. My friend also didnt have people start coming until about 4 days after we were home (she asked us for a start date) so we had a few days to enjoy just us.
In reading this article I thought it had some suggestions I would not have thought of (such as setting the table, doing a quick pick up in the kitchen/loading the dishwasher, etc.) But a lot of it did ring true for the visitors I had and I was wondering if that was the norm or if I just got lucky and had veteran mamas who knew what was needed.
1. Bring food.
2. Stay briefly.
3. Don't ask/expect to hold the baby.
4. Call, beforehand, and ask if you can pick anything up on your way (from the grocery, the drugstore, etc.).
5. Plan to make a follow-up visit, a few weeks later, to spend more time with the baby (and the parents), after things have settled down and routine is established.
NOTE: If it's a really close friend/family, offering to go to the grocery store, make/bring meals (at least) 1x a week for the first month, and/or cleaning the kitchen/bathrooms would be amazingly helpful and appreciated.
Great link, thanks for sharing. I wish someone had sent this to my bitchofaMIL when Charlie was born. Maybe I still wouldn't be so pissed off about what went down if she had shown a little freaking decency.
But I'm not bitter, or anything
I'm going to keep all of these in mind for my next newborn visit!
Emeline 5.28.13
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Post-Baby PRs
Esri 5K 7.16.2014 - 21:30
Heart Half Marathon 3.16.2014 - 1:43:30
Canton City Marathon 9.8.14 - 3:30:56
Great article!
Don't offer to help, just do it.
I think many new Moms, myself included, feel strange/guilty spelling out the help they need.
My #1 thing would be to SCHEDULE your visit. Twice we had people attempt to drop by unannounced.
DH had to turn the first ones away, because, well, it was the day we came home from the hospital, about 30 min after we got there, his parents were at the pharmacy getting my vicodin prescription filled, and I was literally screaming in pain in the bedroom. Yes, birth is a joyous occasion, but you don't know what complications there might have been or what might be going on.
The 2nd time I was topless, double-pumping on the living-room couch, and he had to run interference at the front door while I finished pumping and got dressed. It's just awkward.
Call first, people.