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TTC after 35
happywifemomofone
member
Awful morning-crying alot
happywifemomofone
member
in TTC after 35
We met with RE this morning about our next steps. We were expecting it to be that we would be doing another round of IVF with different medications. Instead-RE said that he didn't think that another round of IVF would work for us, he wants to move on to either DE or donor embryos. DH and I have talked many, many times about this and don't think that either of these would be best for us......given our age, and that there is my older son in the picture that this is just not right for us. My son will be beginning college in the fall-and we need our dollars for that.
Want to know what I really heard,
"you're old, you're too, too, too, too, too OLD!!!!!!!" Unfortunately, think that our options are limited......as our insurance will only pay at this center. Too upset right now to even talk to DH about this. Angry too........cann't even identify all the emotions right now. Feel like a little kid who had a bunch of balloons and hope this morning-now I feel as if someone has come along and popped all my balloons!!!
TTC since 10/09
Me-43 DH-44
RE and testing 10/10-11/10, Recommending IVF
1/11 New RE
AMA and DOR-DH low motility
IVF #1.1 cancelled 3/11 due to poor response IVF #1.2 May 2011, one perfect 8-cell embryo, 3dt-BFN, IVF #2.1 Converted to IUI d/t poor response. New RE 9/2011. IVF 2.2 completed using HGH,EPP,DHEA, Q-10 and accupuncture. Transferred one 8-cell, grade one embryo on 10/19. BFP 10/31/11 Chemical pregancy on 11/2/11. Started stims for IVF #3, our final try, on 12-2-11. ET on 12/18. Transferred 3 Grade A embryos-BFFN Planning DE IVF, late March/early April- Donors ER expected to be 4/2-4/4.
PAIF/SAIF welcome
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Awful morning-crying alot
i'm sorry ...
i totally hear you about de/e ... i'm glad they are available for folks, just not for me.
will your RE refuse you IVF?? well they might because they don't want to screw up their success rate.
anyway, my RE told me that i didn't have a good chance with IVF (and i can't really justify the cost anyway) ... so i continued with stims and IUI. and while nothing is for sure ... i did get a postitve yesterday ... with no stims at all ... at the ripe old age of 42!!!
just saying ... don't give up the ship just yet.
I'm so sorry. It is hard to hear unexpected recommendations. Cry it out. And, come back to it when you're able to be more calm. (Hugs.)
Me: 36, DH: 42
Dx: DOR and MFI
DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal
IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!
SAIFW/PAIFW
I'm so sorry. We will probably only have one shot at IVF also. I'm not totally against DE or D embryo (though it bothers me that I might select the second one, if I had to, because of cost), but if the IVF doesn't work for us I might first go back to the IUIs, as per MrsJordanAlmond's recommendation--and success!--above. So I think you should wait until you are calmer and then talk to your RE about that.
Hang in there.
First, I am very sorry you had to hear this news. My initial reaction is that you should not accept this as LAW. You tried one IVF and were cancelled for poor response per your siggy. Is that correct? I don't understand why/how the RE would make that sort of declaration without trying another protocol. there seem to be so many ways to stimulate egg production. Different things work on different women. You have to be your own advocate. No one cares about getting you pregnant more than you. You have to push back. I know it is hard but you have to. I don't know much about the IVF protocols but lots of ladies on here do. I would repost on Infertility and PAIF/SAIF. I'm sure you are not alone in the speech you were given today. Is there another RE in the same practice that you can talk to? I am so sorry you got the DE speech after half an attempt with your own eggs. As PP said, DE are a wonderful thing but you have to want to do that and I don't feel like I could move there without exhausting all avenues with my OE. Hugs:-)
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
I don't know anything about IVF as since we are OOP it will never be an option for us, but I agree with PP's that a second opinion is a good idea. I have read so many different protocols on the IF and PAIF boards that I would think there would be something else to try before moving to DE.
Cry as much as you need to. Let it out. And know that we're all here for you.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I totally agree with getting a second opinion. There's also something about how the REs seem to talk to folks over 35 (maybe under, but I didn't go in when I was under 35 so I don't know). I waltzed in - I'm not sure what I was thinking. But DH had a wonky SA, and every test my OBGYN put us through showed me in a good light. Expected to go in and hear that I was ok, get DH retested, maybe some meds....Got into the RE's, and I heard the same thing you did - "wow, did you realize how old you are? Like seriously OLD!!" I ended up in tears too - it was just so different from what I expected. (Obviously the RE didn't really say that, but that's how it came across). And he totally jumped on the "hmm, given your massively advanced age, maybe donor eggs are the path for you." - So incredibly not what I expected to hear. (not where we currently are either, FYI)
Once I talked to the insurance I realized there's an element of - I'm not sure if racket is the right word, but something - about this. Stats are lower for older ladies, one way to get better stats is donor eggs, insurance pays more for a facility with better stats, ergo pushing older ladies toward donor eggs makes good financial sense. (we're in the same boat in that insurance will pay much, much more for the place we're going than any other in network facility, because this is a designated "center of excellence.") All that works out great from just a numbers perspective, but you're not a number, you're a person and a family. Statistics don't work for individuals.
I realize that doesn't answer what to do now or how to handle this particular numbers game, but try, try not to let it get to you (as much as possible anyway). I'm so sorry.
So sorry you're going through this. I agree about getting a second opinion.
And it does feel so unfair that everyone, from family to health insurance providers to doctors, seems to give up on us. Fight for yourself and the family you want.
Good luck!