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Washington Babies
Cooper Flynn is 3 years old and growing! May 10,2009
Miscarriage April 2008
Ectopic pregnancy August 2011
How close do you live to your parents?
And do you think it is important to live close to them?
Currently we live about 30--40 minutes away from mine and 3 hrs away from my IL's. However we are looking at buying land and building again and the only land that we can find that is suitable is 1 hr drive away from my parents & about 4 hrs away from my IL's.
When I mentioned it to my Mom she was disappointed to hear that we were thinking of moving further away but when I told her that it's like $200,000 dearer to live back near them & I couldn't justify spending that she understood (but was still disappointed). So do you think it's important when you live in the same state as your parents, to live close by? They never help us out with babysitting so it's not like we would need them close by for that! Thoughts?
Cooper Flynn is 3 years old and growing! May 10,2009
Miscarriage April 2008
Ectopic pregnancy August 2011This discussion has been closed.
Re: How close do you live to your parents?
we live 35 min from my parents and 15 min from my IL's. I've never chosen a place to live based on proximity to family though - it just sometimes works out that way.
I'm not super close to my family though. And I'm growing farther and farther away from my IL's...sigh.
My parents live in Santa Fe, NM and my ILs live in a Chicago suburb. So 3 and 4 hour flights away. Not close at all.
I wish mine lived closer. But I'm not about to move there. I'm fine with the distance to my ILs.
We live about 20 min from both sets of parents, and we definitely couldnt have it any other way! however, if they didnt babysit for us so often then it probably wouldnt be such a big deal.
How often do you see your parents??
I grew up in Shoreline, about a 10-15 minutes drive from my house. My parents still have that house but they've put in on the market because they bought a condo in San Diego a year ago. Now that they're splitting time between here and Cali, they don't want to keep up with an almost 3000 sq ft house that they're in less than half the time. So they've purchased a condo in Ballard to be their Seattle home.
Soooo... long story short, they're either 20 minutes away or 1200 miles away.
When they are in town we see a lot of them, especially my mom. She tries to soak up as much Lila as she can before she heads back to Cali. And she will babysit for us every other week or so, so that we can go out.
Bio & Blog | The Chic Bambino | Bumps & Babies Fair
As my DH pointed out, we moved to the USA for 3plus years and coped fine without family around so I guess an hour drive isn't too bad. I just don't want to make the decison & regret it in years to come though
We live 7 hours from my parents. They moved away, not me. My mom regrets it now that all 6 of her grandkids are here. I wish she was closer. It's almost worse than her living across the country as it takes as long as a plane ride to see her.
My ILs live about 50 yards away. I wish that meant that they are helpful, but it doesn't. It's actually more like an invasion on my privacy. They watch everything I do outside with my kids and comment on it. And they pop in unannounced. But, we are thankful that they can come over when we really need it.
Steal my kids picture or pretend they are yours, I will find where you live and ship all of their dirty diapers to your doorstep. Promise.
For us, yes it's very important. My MIL lives 5 minutes away and she's our go-to for babysitting. My SIL lives about 20 minutes away and is our backup when MIL isn't available. They're probably the only 2 people I would even remotely trust with watching my kiddo, I'm super nervous about stuff like that. Also my husband and I work opposite hours on a lot of days and sometimes we need help covering overlaps so it's really helpful to have family close. Plus, we get date nights!
If your fam doesn't really do babysitting for you I would guess another half an hour away wouldn't be a huge deal, especially if it means a better deal on a home. Do you see your parents regularly as it is? Maybe reassure your mom that you'll set up some regular grandparent days with them?
My mom is about a mile and a half away. It's perfect. She can come over really quickly (i.e. I need to go to the ER because my gallbladder is saying adios) but also isn't up in my face because she wants to see Collin. She sees him frequently, and then goes home, or he goes over there. It's soooo nice. He spends the night when we have to work on Friday nights, or are going out of town.
On the other hand, my ILs live about three miles away, and we see them about once a month. They aren't the involved types. So proximity doesn't always mean closeness in terms of relationship, or being of benefit. If I had an emergency and my mom wasn't around, I'd call one of my friends before I called my ILs.
My mom and step dad live about 15-20 minutes away which is perfect. My mom helps us out with babysitting a lot and we are able to see them if we want, but they never just pop in without calling or anything. My dad lives about 45 minutes away - we only see him once a month or so though (he doesn't make a huge effort and with my crazy schedule it's hard to find times that work..)
My IL's live in Spokane, so about a 5 hour drive. We see them about once a month or every other month when one of us can make it over (again - I have weird work hours and days off, so we can't just pop over for a weekend.)
We have talked about moving to the Spokane area, but I am really close with my mom and I'm not sure if I could handle being 5 hours away .. and I'm not sure that I'd want to be too close to my IL's either .. even though I love them to death.
In your situation, I would definitely buy the land that is way cheaper, especially if you don't see your parents a ton and they don't help with babysitting. And hour isn't really that far at all
It's interesting reading everyone's situations. I think I know that the land an hr away is a better option financially, it's just a pain that my parents aren't that bit closer. Though saying that, they looked after Coop the other weekend for a few hrs and it was the first time in 9 months that they have looked after him!
If we get that mentioned land we will have 4 of our best friends about 2 minutes drive away and my Godmother and her family about 15 minutes away (who has 2 teenage daughters who are always willing to babysit!) so I think I am slowly warming to the new estate. Buying a home that you think you will live in for the next 20 plus years is such a hard decision!
Currently my parents main home is about 2 hours 40 minutes from our house, and their rental that my Dad uses to stay at while working is down the street. He works at Roy Robinson in Marysville Mon-Thurs and then goes back to his house in Eastern WA on the weekends. Unless like right now when my mom comes over to help me and because we have some family things to take care of.
IL's live 30 minutes away, and I rarely see them. It's like they live in a different state, they haven't been up to our house to see their grandson in months. Because the drive is too much...really? Love that, especially because my mom made a nearly 3 hour drive to come help me get my house ready.
After we move to Spokane we will be 5 hours from his family and 2 hours 15 minutes from mine. It will be a little harder not having them close some of the time but I know I will love living in Spokane far more than where I am now.
I do think it's important to be near my parents, but it's more important for my little family to be happy!
When DD was born we lived 2 1/2 hours from my mom, dad and step-mom they lived in Eastern Wa and we lived in Monroe.
IL's lived in Redmond only about 25 miles from Monroe ( however if it was raining, or dark or any weather other then sunny MIL was afraid to drive to Monroe ) and saw DD once week or so before I went back to work, when I went back to MIL watched DD 4 days a week my family saw DD once a month.
When we first moved to Eastern Wa we lived rigt next door to my dad and Step mom it was nice having them right next door to help with DD but it was a little too close because they could hear and see almost everything we did. My mom was also only 20 mins away and it was nice having 2 sets of babysitters in town and DD has never been watched by anybody other then family so we use family alot for babysitting. IL's are 2 1/2 hours away and my mom is now 1 1/2 hours IL's see DD about every 4-6 weeks we go to them or they come to us and my mom sees DD about once a month we go to her or she comes to us. My dad sees DD once a week . Since DS was born 3 weeks and my FIL is now retired they have come over 3 times to see the grandkids and my moms twice and dad has been here about every 3 days or so.
Anyway I love having my family close and for us it was a factor as to where we live, we always wanted to be near one set of family no matter where we live, however, sometimes that can't always work. When we first moved to Eastern WA it was really hard for DH because he had always been within 30 mins from his parents but it has been really good for him after some time has passed.
And if it is only a hour and land is cheaper it would not be so bad and you just make more trips to see family and still be able to afford gas to visit them
We live :40 from both my parents and my IL's....
It wasn't planned really - just how it worked out. I was born and raised here, DH moved from Ohio (only child) and they followed, LOL. But they areALL super involved with G and babysit all the time - not enough for their liking actually. And funny, the four of the them are basically best friends and hang out - without us even! Actually we are all going to dinner tonight for MILs B-Day. We have it g-o-o-d!
My parents live about 40 minutes from us, but only a few blocks away from my work. This works out awesome because my dad watches DS while I am at work and I get to go visit at lunch. And... we have our space on weekends, no quick drop bys or anything.
IL's live in Minnesota/Washington DC. I wish they were closer, but I also realize it's probably a blessing in disquise that they are a decent distance away.
We're 2500 miles away from my parents and that's ok with me. My mom would be forcing herself on us every weekend if she lived in driving distance (which is what she does with my sister and her family). My parents will still be the more involved grandparents, even though MIL only lives an hour away. We don't see her much and it requires that we go to her. My mom complains about being far away from a new grandchild, but she's adjusted to the fact that I live across the country and have put down roots here.
ETA: Just pointing out that we would never use my MIL for babysitting, so it's solely visits where we would be there, as well. My parents do some babysitting for my nephews (in IL), so I know they'd be willing to, if we lived there. I'm not so sure I'd take them up on it often, though, as they don't always follow my sister's wishes. Plus, they both have some medical issues now, limiting their stamina somewhat. Luckily, I have a few close girl friends here, who have already said they want to babysit, so that's who I'll ask here.
To help things with my parents feeling more involved, we got a webcam and Skype, so she and my dad can video chat with baby, when the time comes.
Photo by J Shelton Photography
Married 10/5/08 | 2 yrs of TTC, tests, procedures & a m/c | IVF #2 =James!
My mom lives 1/2 mile away, it is awesome! She stops by a couple times a week to visit with Lucy but usually only stays for 15-30 mins. Both DH and I get along fantastically with her, so it isn't a problem at all. She helps us, watches Lucy, sometimes makes dinner, etc. And we help her. DH goes over and helps her with odd jobs around her house that she can't do.
IL's live about 45 mins away. We see them about every other week, and that is more than enough for me. They are ok, but MIL can get mean/snippy. Also, they never can take a hint that it is time for them to go home. They've stayed even after I went to bed. They'll seriously hang out for HOURS until DH says "you have to go home in 10 mins." Yes, he really has to say that to them.
My Dad lives in Alaska. I'm quite happy about that. Any closer and we probably wouldn't be on speaking terms.