First Time and I don't want to do it again!

bunnybiter · April 2011

I keep hearing how wonderful being pregnant is, and sure, there's some highlights, but I can't help but feel I'm the only one out there that has decided this is the only child I'm having simply because of the pregnancy. It's not fun. It's not magical. And if I had a choice (which I do) I wouldn't do it again. My friends who have already birthed two or more children all find this thought to be horrifying. Not to discount the fact that I waited six years longer than the others to have children even though I was the first married. I'm already an abnormality in their eyes.

Things have been relatively easy in the sense that I'm not having the issues normally associated with pregnancy, no morning sickness, minimal stretchmarks, no miscarriages or genetic issues with my child. Though I'm fighting with some of my own issues dealing with hormones and long-term depression. Constant medication and my aversion to it. Gestational diabetes. Fear of having a c-section because the baby is already a little too big. Lack of sleep due to changes in my body. And to top it all off, baby has issues with his kidneys which I know I didn't do anything to cause, and we can't do anything about until after he's born but that doesn't make it easier to handle when you're constantly reminded by extra appointments you have to go to to observe the progress.

If this is what wonderful is, I don't want to enjoy it a second time around. Am I the only Mom-to-be that feels, or has felt this way? I'm not worried about being a bad parent, nor that my child will have my mental disorder, I know the odds and they're extremely slim. I just find the whole process to lack the glorified happiness I hear so often from people who look back on their pregnancy with that twinkle in their eye.

jkylie · April 2011

Hang in there momma! Are you seeking medical attention for your depression and anxiety? If not, please do.

But dont worry, pregnancy isn't for everyone. I dont LOVE being pg. I hated when ppl would tell me "enjoy this time, its the best time of your life" yada yada. HUH? I got so sick of hearing that. I didn't LOVE anything about it!

But i am here again, while i didn't have the hormonal issues you are having, the process to me wasn't something i loved.

GL and hopefully you will be clams your nerves over the next few months.

emily1414 · April 2011

Don't feel alone! This is my first pregnancy and while I wanted two children, I'm starting to think this will be our one and only because I hate being pregnant. My husband always just wanted one, so it's not an issue. I'm right there with you though... I have had hardly any m/s and no other issues to speak of, but I just don't like it. I'm excited to get a baby out of all this, but the pregnancy part sucks. I do like feeling him move around in there, but still doesn't make me want to have another baby!

KBaker421 · April 2011

I said i would not have any more after DD but i changed my mind quickly after i met her.

The love you feel for your child is so great that you completely forget about all of the discomforts of pregnancy

hepcats · April 2011

I myself haven't had many issues at all and even the unpleasantries haven't dissuaded me from wanting another one. That being said, it is no one's place to judge you and your decision. Being a parent is a choice that only you can make (with your partner) and not one any one else even has a right to have a say in. If you choose to only have the one, well then that one will get even more love and attention from a very grateful mama!

I'm an only and it didn't adversely impact me in any way - in fact, I have a stronger relationship with my mother because of it! More power to ya sister!

myeshabride · April 2011

Oh no...hang in there momma. It sounds like you're being treated for your complications, so that's good. Just try to think positive thoughts and keep your eyes on the prize. Once you see your baby and hear that sweet baby's cry, you'll realize it was all worth it.

strumpet · April 2011

I'm not enjoying this very much myself. Any woman who claims that she loves being pregnant needs to get her head examined, imo.

kcisthebombdotcom · April 2011

KBaker421:

I said i would not have any more after DD but i changed my mind quickly after i met her.

The love you feel for your child is so great that you completely forget about all of the discomforts of pregnancy

I agree with this 100%.

I felt the same exact way you did when I was pregnant with my first. We had always agreed on 2-3 kids, but during my first pregnancy I told my DH I wasnt doing this again. As soon as my DS was born and I felt all that love for him, I couldnt wait to have another. Although I definitely wasnt looking forward to the pregnant part, I couldnt wait for the end result. You forget how crappy pregnancy is really, really quickly.

memali26 · April 2011

strumpet:
I'm not enjoying this very much myself. Any woman who claims that she loves being pregnant needs to get her head examined, imo.

Great, I'll get right on that Confused I do love being pregnant - I feel wonderful, despite having gestational diabetes for the second time. I love feeling my baby kick and watching my belly grown and knowing what a miracle it all is. But, it's not for everyone.

OP, you're feelings are totally valid, and concerns about my health or the health of my baby would (and did) make me think long and hard about having another. It sounds like you are making the decision you feel is best for your family, and that's the best thing you can do.

MadelineLAnselmo · April 2011

I'm definitely in the same boat as you. I've had it pretty good so far as pregnancy goes, but 9 months is a long time and I'm not sure I want to do it again. Plus I'm of a certain age (35ish) and I would probably have to get pregnant soon after this one to avoid all the complications that come with age. I've already expressed to DH that I'd like to adopt our next one, but he seems fixed on having another ourselves. So that's a serious conflict I'm not looking forward to.

katecham · April 2011

I'm right there with you. I don't like it at all. I've been super sick, lost way too much weight, can't eat, have had bleeding twice, and now have heart problems that require beta blockers. On top of all of that, I don't feel pregnant, just sick. I don't look pregnant either. I'm hoping and praying this gets better, but after being admitted for my heart, I really don't see me doing this again...

CA2006 · April 2011

Everyone has their own reasons for wanting more than one child or only wanting one. Not liking pregnancy is a valid one. All reasons are valid...as they are your reasons and it's your body/family.

I will forewarn you though, you will likely develop this crazy love for your child that you never imagined possible. Like, jump in front of a train to save them, love. And it is possible that if you would jump in front of a train for them, you just might think about enduring pregnancy again for another one. I am not saying you will or won't. Each person is different. But I never thought I would have another newborn again after my first 6 months with DS (MISERABLE). But eventually, the haze lifted, he has become this amazing and real person that I can't get enough of and all of the sudden, 6 months doesn't seem like that long of a time to endure to experience this all again. Just like 9 months of pregnancy, when you look back on it in a couple years, will probably not seem as long. It's all about perspective. Or maybe that won't happen to you...but don't totally count it out yet. GL to you!

CakeBatter · April 2011

Sorry you're feeling this way. I don't like being pregnant either. Had a rough time w/DD (GD, hypertension, pre-e), but obviously chose to get pregnant again. This time, I'm assuming I'll have the same problems develop, and now have the added "pleasure" of injecting myself twice a day in the stomach with blood thinners due to a blood clot I've developed. But you know what? It's so worth it to me in the end to have more kids that I would totally have a third if I could .... even with all I've had to go through. DH just wants me to get through this pregnancy without dying, so I think a third is not in our future.

You might change your mind once your LO is born; you might not. Ultimately, you're the one carrying the baby and will have to decide if you physically handle it. If you can't, don't let anyone shame you about being one and done (and this is coming from an only who is a BIG supporter of sibling relationships). GL!

MrsDuncan · April 2011

KBaker421:
I said i would not have any more after DD but i changed my mind quickly after i met her.
The love you feel for your child is so great that you completely forget about all of the discomforts of pregnancy

I'm going to disagree with this... does the love you feel for your child make it worth all the difficulty of pregnancy? Absolutely. Make you completely forget? No, not really. Good for you for asserting how you feel and making the right choice for your family. If you are miserable being pregnant, that is an important thing to acknowledge and take into consideration when deciding whether you are meant to have any more.

CJ22 · April 2011

I felt exactly the same way the entire 1st pregnancy...here I am 4 years later at it again. This time it's a definite last time! Thank god the outcome way outweighs the 9 months...it's so worth it in the end! GL!!

SFAug07 · April 2011

I hate being pregnant too, and I have no issues. I always said when I was pregnant with DD that I wouldn't want to do it again. Once she was born, it was all forgotten and pregnancy was so worth it. Here I am again, I still hate being pregnant but I am so excited about having a baby in a few months.

BabyCakes87 · April 2011

DH wants six! Hahahahahahahaha! I've not sworn off pregnancy, but I will not do it again for several years. I am not enjoying it, but like you I have had a fairly easy pregnancy. Only a few rough mornings. I've had difficulty sleeping and some back pains, but nothing else. It's been a smooth pregnancy. But as an avid workout fanatic and someone who loves to go out, it's been rough to have a total lifestyle change. I know I'll love it when the baby is here and I have a physical reason to change that I can touch and hold, but right now it's so hard to go through all the physical changes and the emotions and not have my little man in my arms as a reward. I am definitely counting days until I can hold my prize. But don't feel like you're a bad person-no one has the right to judge you. It's entirely your decision. It's your body going through it.

krissywags · April 2011

Don't feel bad... that is the first and most important thing. Whether or not you want to have another child or be pregnant again is completely up to you and I believe that anyone that is going to tell you otherwise is just trying to live through you. I don't know what you are feeling from personal experience but from the other side. My SIL had their girl almost seven years ago, shortly after DH and I started dating. I knew I wanted children from the beginning but we weren't married yet so I knew it was out of the question for DH (boyfriend at the time). After we got married she said that she wanted another child but didn't want to go through pregnancy because she had a lot of health issues along with anxiety and depression issues. I thought that this was the craziest thing that I have ever heard but since being pregnant and knowing things that can happen and the anxiety issues that she still has I get where she is coming from.

12bailey18 · April 2011

KBaker421:

I said i would not have any more after DD but i changed my mind quickly after i met her.

The love you feel for your child is so great that you completely forget about all of the discomforts of pregnancy

This. There is a wonderful thing called Mommy Amnesia and you might just forget all of the bad feelings about pregnancy and/or labor & delivery. Don't rule out anything yet.

Broadway1 · April 2011

I'm right there with you. I've had it pretty easy this far, but I'm not loving it. I don't think I'll ever be one of those people who talks about how wonderful this was nor will I be overly excited to do it again.

bunnybiter · April 2011

Glad I'm not the only one out there that isn't enjoying all the changes! Not that misery loves company, but it's nice to know that pregnancy isn't for everyone, and not just not for me.

I'm sure I'll love my little boy when he comes, and I really am excited and ready to be a parent. In the meantime it just can't happen soon enough. Heh.

jkylie: Yes, my doctor knows my medical history and we're working with the depression and anxiety. I'm in good care with my DH who has been with me for 10 years and seen the worst of it all, and my doctor who is just amazing.

bellablue2 · April 2011

I totally understand! With my first pregnancy I developed Hyperemasis, which is when you cant keep food or water down for an extended period of time. I went over two months with Iv's in my arms everyday, had to have a home nurse and ended up spending eight days in the hospital with a pic line in my veins. I thought I would never go through with it again!! But, having said that after my son was about a year and a half old..I began to feel those mommy twinges again. I am not saying it was fun the second time either but it was soo worth it! Hang in there and its completly normal!

Unknown · April 2011

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Cilley · April 2011

That is totally cool if you never want to do it again! I didn't LOVE being pregnant, but it was amazing what happened to my body and that I got it back before getting pregnant again. I was in the same boat, but changed my mind a few months after LO was born. You may or may not do the same. Everyone is different.

I had a rough 1st pregnancy with an unstable pelvis and unable to walk/work by wk 25. Had to use a walker and w/c for the rest of my pregnancy. My doula told me to have constant reminders about how hard that pregnancy was to remind myself of why I didn't want to have any more kids because that is what I told her. I was against going through it again. After LO was born, at about the 3 mo mark, I wanted a sibling. This pregnancy has been a little easier and I don't regret my decision.

rayandbrit · April 2011

KBaker421:
I said i would not have any more after DD but i changed my mind quickly after i met her.
The love you feel for your child is so great that you completely forget about all of the discomforts of pregnancy

I would have to agree. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with only wanting one, you may find your feelings shifting after you meet LO. I was so in love I wanted to start trying again ASAP (thank God I didn't!)

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