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Custody questions
Okay, I met with an attorney last week to discuss filing for full custody (legal and physical). The reason I'm pursuing this is b/c I believe my ex has some serious mental health issues that would prevent him from being able to provide LO with the appropriate care she needs if he were to be able to take her on unsupervised visits. I'm willing to agree to supervised visits a few times a week, but I strongly believe her well being would be at risk if he were to take her alone.
A little back story... we were living together, I moved out in October and didn't hear from him until December. When I did hear from him he said things like he thought me moving out was only temporary (I had moved every single one of my belongings out... who does that if it's temporary???). He also said he didn't want me moving in with my parents and he'd pay for me to get my own place (again, who does that if it's a temporary move???). So in December he told me that if I did not move back in with him he would kill himself and it just wasn't worth living if we all didn't live together. He even said this to my therapist (he went for one session by himself and we did one together). So that scared the crap outta me and I said I'd think about it. He pressured me saying he wouldn't last a year and he needed me to give him a date. So I said middle of April, just to get him to leave me alone about it. Well around 2 weeks or so ago I told him I wasn't moving back in. We had been trying to work things out and it was just so obvious that I could not make him happy and he sure as he!! couldn't make me happy. So now he comes to see LO a few times a week and want's to start taking her on Sunday afternoons. I just have this feeling that I should not let him take her. And not just because of him threatening suicide.
I'm in school for my MSW and have a bachelors is psychology. So I have a little bit of a mental health background and I'm almost certain he has some kind of personality disorder. I think this would prevent him from caring for her appropriately as well.
So without rambling on and on with examples, which I totally could... I just want to know if anyone else has had a similar experience? Does what I say hold any weight in front of a judge? I'm so nervous I'll start this process and he'll end up getting unsupervised visits and he'll just hate me even more because of what I did.
He has no drug or alcohol abuse history. And he never physically abused me or LO. I would go as far as to say that there was emotional neglect from him while I was pregnant and still living with him.
TIA for any feedback!!
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Re: Custody questions
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She said we can ask for full legal and physical b/c of the mental health concerns. We are also going to request that he attend counseling and take parenting classes. I personally don't think any amount of counseling or classes will change him or teach him how to care for our baby.
I'm calling the attorney tomorrow to go over some more things... we just met for the first time last week and I just got a draft of the petition on Friday. Any suggestions on things I should talk to her about?
I told myself I would limit my self loathing, but I just can't believe I'm in this situation.
I do not have any suggestions.
It is hard to tell from what you describe how real his mental health condition is. You are saying that you believe that no amount of counseling or parenting classes will be helpful, which would indicate a major disorder, but on the other hand you lived with him for a period of time. Further, you can attest to the fact that he has never hurt or abused you, nor are there substance abuse concerns. Emotional neglect is a whole lot of nothing; how is that something other than him not being attentive? I would imagine many relationships go through periods of this sort of detachment and I don't think it is a persuasive argument for mental health concerns. I also don't think a bachelor's degree in psych is sufficient 'background' in MH issues to be making these judgements and I would be surprised if a judge felt otherwise. While his threat of suicide could be indicative of a mental health issue, it could also just be manipulation. Without knowing more I don't see how a judge would come to the conclusion that he would be a danger to your child.
None of this means that he doesn't have a mental health problem. But I don't see any actual evidence which a judge would need in order to limit a parent's access to his child in such an extreme manner.
I also could be way off. Did your attorney give you any sense of the chances for success?
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