July 2011 Big Fat Liars Club

tjmtjm · April 2011

I've told my work I'm planning on coming back after maternity leave...but I'm not. Devil

I don't get paid mat leave so its not like I'm taking advantage of that and then ditching them...so I find this only mildly bad.

Any other big fat liars out there?

MouseInLux · April 2011

Me! But I do get paid for mine!

mlspiel · April 2011

Probably me too! Same situation.

COMomma81 · April 2011

I did that with DS. Well, I actually did go back for 2 weeks after FMLA, so that I wouldn't have to back-pay my insurance premiums from when I was on leave. But that was my plan all along. I worked 3 days and had a major meltdown, which wasn't hard to do since it was torture for me to go back even though family was watching him. I just said, "I thought I could do it because everyone else does, but I just can't!".

catie333 · April 2011

my boss knows but I have to keep it hush hush with everyone else so that HR doesn't find out. I get paid leave and they'd make me pay it back if they knew that I didn;t intend on coming back.....

kell8807 · April 2011

I did that with DD. Went back after 12 weeks, stepped down as a manager to full time, a few weeks later to casual part time, a few weeks later I quit. I felt bad, but I missed my baby too much.

caraleeb · April 2011

i have to go back to work to payback my time off.. but im not sure it will be back to where i am now!

BethD76 · April 2011

I haven't told that I'm not coming back. I haven't lied but haven't told the whole truth either. I wouldn't get paid for it anyway.

girl-23 · April 2011

I may be in this situation as well. I told them im coming back part time. I really don't want to come back at all. I get a year off so it'll make it even harder.

WorkingMomofTwo · April 2011

I'm still iffy about it. i want to stay home really bad, but I know the extra money is good and I like the company.

HappyKlamb10 · April 2011

Nobody has really asked, they are just assuming I'm coming back. lol. I am pretty sure that I am coming back anyway, but I am considering part time. Won't really be deciding until I'm on mat leave though.

tosababy · April 2011

Indifferent

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

tosababy · April 2011

Also, I'm really shocked by those of you who have bosses who are complicit in what amounts to fraud on your companies to receive benefits to which you would not be entitled if you were honest about your plans.

duhdaisy86 · April 2011

tosababy:
Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

I think that is going a little far....it is the mothers choice whether or not she wants to go back to work...They don't need to tell anyone until the time gets closer..

aesf · April 2011

duhdaisy86:
tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

I think that is going a little far....it is the mothers choice whether or not she wants to go back to work...They don't need to tell anyone until the time gets closer..

I agree with this, as long as they do in fact tell. Atleast those getting paid. Because thats part of the reason others aren't.

boogerbearoriginal · April 2011

tosababy:
Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

This x1000000.

If you're not getting paid why lie about it? It makes no sense - just say you're not coming back.

And I'm sorry but lying to get the paid time off and then quitting? That's really unethical. I don't understand how anyone can justify doing that.

If you want to SAH more power to you - but please don't do things like lie to your employers because that just makes it 10x harder for women who DO plan to return to work.

duhdaisy86:
I think that is going a little far....it is the mothers choice whether or not she wants to go back to work...They don't need to tell anyone until the time gets closer..

It's one thing if someone doesn't plan to return to work - but to lie and commit fraud to get benefits/pay is simply wrong.

tosababy · April 2011

Yes, it's the mother's choice whether she returns to work.

However, once she makes that decision, she should be honest with her employer. She certainly should not accept benefits that would not be offered if she wasn't returning (either pay or health care coverage). Even if no benefits are involved, it leaves an employer (and coworkers) in the lurch to cover an empty spot for 6, 8, 10, or 12 weeks and then suddenly have to find a replacement. Women who act dishonestly is one of the reasons we may never see better maternity benefits in the U.S.

There are certainly instances of changed circumstances (a special needs child, medical complications, etc.), but if you know now you're not returning no matter what, you should be up front with your employer.

absent*minded · April 2011

Booger+Bear:
If you want to SAH more power to you - but please don't do things like lie to your employers because that just makes it 10x harder for women who DO plan to return to work.

Yes

MouseInLux · April 2011

tosababy:
Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

What I'm doing is 100% legal where I live and it's my choice to not go back. I was so close to quitting but stayed because I didn't want to start a new job and leave because of our baby.

Here the company pays for you to go on mat leave even if you're not coming back and then the state pays for the rest.

Please don't judge people when you don't know their situations!

Oh and the reason I'm not telling my boss it that DH owns his own company and if something happens in the year I'm off and I have to go back for financial reasons I will.

Lauren79 · April 2011

As an administrator of a medical facility, I disagree with lying about this. It takes time and money to replace good people.

anakalia10 · April 2011

Sigh.

This lying majorly frustrates me. And I hate that it leads employers to assume that other women are doing the same thing.

tjmtjm · April 2011

tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

Takes a bow. Stick out tongue

I think its kinda weird when for those that get benefits/PTO for mat leave, but its not my place to judge.

In my defense...I am an hourly employee with no benefits (I work PT and DH's job provides the benefits for me). I've been with this company for 10 years, FT most of those years but two years ago I went PT to take care of home and yardwork and all that. All of those years I was considered "childbearing" so I don't think I've made a bad name for other women in their 20s and 30s. Its time for me to move on and baby has made it a good time to go.

I would tell my boss now but he'd find a way to let me go now if I did. Sad I don't think thats fair either...so thats why I'm not tellling. I need to work up until I deliver and can't take any chances with losing my income prior to that.

*shrug*

lucylea · April 2011

I agree with the posters who are disgusted with this behavior. I'm all for staying home (I do) but I would NEVER lie to my employer about it. First of all its very shady and shows poor moral character, second of all there are people out there desperate for jobs right now and you are making your employers hold a job for your maternity leave that those people could really use.

To be helpful to those of you "cheating the system" though (even though I'm not sure I should be) make sure you have triple checked your policies on this. Most employers around here will make you pay back all benefits and maternity pay if you quit during leave.

llcoolay · April 2011

Dont feel bad about it since in USA we dont get enough maternity leave to begin with. Not sure why it would matter though since they arent the ones that pay you leave....the state pays it.

TristaD81 · April 2011

tjmtjm:
tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

Takes a bow.

I think its kinda weird when for those that get benefits/PTO for mat leave, but its not my place to judge.

In my defense...I am an hourly employee with no benefits (I work PT and DH's job provides the benefits for me). I've been with this company for 10 years, FT most of those years but two years ago I went PT to take care of home and yardwork and all that. All of those years I was considered "childbearing" so I don't think I've made a bad name for other women in their 20s and 30s. Its time for me to move on and baby has made it a good time to go.

I would tell my boss now but he'd find a way to let me go now if I did. I don't think thats fair either...so thats why I'm not tellling. I need to work up until I deliver and can't take any chances with losing my income prior to that.

*shrug*

That really sucks. I have to admit, I was totally judging you until you explained about your crappy boss. This I can understand - people who will lose their jobs if they tell AND are not getting paid leave.

But if you are committing fraud (not telling your employer so you can get benefits), sorry, I really don't agree with your decision. That, and as PP said, you are taking away jobs from other people who really want them because your employer is holding it for you (and the company is losing money waiting for you to come back when they could be training someone else).

cherylanddoug · April 2011

Financially I have to go back, but a part of me would love to stay home. Talking to my mom and friends who have kids, who could afford to stay home--I've gotten the impression that after 5-6 months out, I will long to be back at work.

Anyway if you're quitting after your mat leave is up, do you plan on ever getting back into the workforce? What will you do for letters of recommendation and references? If I was your boss I certainly wouldn't help you after being screwed like that.

Gummybear · April 2011

Stealing (and that is what you are doing) pay and benefits and waiting until those are exhausted before being honest about your plans is just another example of the entitlement and self-absorbed attitude some people have.

Can you imagine if your Dr. retired a day before you were set to deliver, because he wanted to keep getting insurance and payments from patients and not have you switch OBs before he was "ready" to stop practicing? Or your in-home daycare provider was moving, but didn't tell you until the day before she settled on her new house 1,000 miles away? ZOMG!! THE OUTRAGE! Rally the Bumpie troops and seek help from a lawyer! But if you do the same darn thing, it's OK.

TristaD81 · April 2011

llcoolay:
Dont feel bad about it since in USA we dont get enough maternity leave to begin with. Not sure why it would matter though since they arent the ones that pay you leave....the state pays it.

Really?! Nice attitude. Seeing as you're from California, one would think you'd be more fiscally responsible as your state is pretty much bankrupt.

TristaD81 · April 2011

Gummybear:

Stealing (and that is what you are doing) pay and benefits and waiting until those are exhausted before being honest about your plans is just another example of the entitlement and self-absorbed attitude some people have.

Can you imagine if your Dr. retired a day before you were set to deliver, because he wanted to keep getting insurance and payments from patients and not have you switch OBs before he was "ready" to stop practicing? Or your in-home daycare provider was moving, but didn't tell you until the day before she settled on her new house 1,000 miles away? ZOMG!! THE OUTRAGE! Rally the Bumpie troops and seek help from a lawyer! But if you do the same darn thing, it's OK.

Well said (as always).

goteamgo · April 2011

llcoolay:
Dont feel bad about it since in USA we dont get enough maternity leave to begin with. Not sure why it would matter though since they arent the ones that pay you leave....the state pays it.

This varies by state, actually. Illinois certainly does not.

And if you don't like the policies in place, do some work to change them instead of committing fraud.

BethD76 · April 2011

tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

Just because someone hasn't told yet doesn't mean they aren't going to. I for instance am waiting until the leave is a little closer. I don't want to get fired any sooner than necessary. Maybe they wouldn't do that but may out of spite.

absent*minded · April 2011

tjmtjm:
tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

Takes a bow.

I think its kinda weird when for those that get benefits/PTO for mat leave, but its not my place to judge.

In my defense...I am an hourly employee with no benefits (I work PT and DH's job provides the benefits for me). I've been with this company for 10 years, FT most of those years but two years ago I went PT to take care of home and yardwork and all that. All of those years I was considered "childbearing" so I don't think I've made a bad name for other women in their 20s and 30s. Its time for me to move on and baby has made it a good time to go.

I would tell my boss now but he'd find a way to let me go now if I did. I don't think thats fair either...so thats why I'm not tellling. I need to work up until I deliver and can't take any chances with losing my income prior to that.

*shrug*

Well why don't you tell your boss when you give birth or when you hit 39w or whatever? I don't understand waiting until after your mat leave. Like PP said, you may need a letter of rec from them someday, and they would have more time to find your replacement.

Five_letter · April 2011

Booger+Bear:
tosababy:
Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!
This x1000000.
If you're not getting paid why lie about it? It makes no sense - just say you're not coming back.
And I'm sorry but lying to get the paid time off and then quitting? That's really unethical. I don't understand how anyone can justify doing that.
If you want to SAH more power to you - but please don't do things like lie to your employers because that just makes it 10x harder for women who DO plan to return to work.
duhdaisy86:
I think that is going a little far....it is the mothers choice whether or not she wants to go back to work...They don't need to tell anyone until the time gets closer..
It's one thing if someone doesn't plan to return to work - but to lie and commit fraud to get benefits/pay is simply wrong.

I completely agree

sallydraper · April 2011

annekelia10:
Sigh.

This lying majorly frustrates me. And I hate that it leads employers to assume that other women are doing the same thing.

And they certainly do, I've had very frank conversations with hiring managers about it.

Staying home is a personal choice, but when you purposely accept benefits and then don't go back, it makes it that much harder for women who DON'T intend to do that.

Five_letter · April 2011

llcoolay:
Dont feel bad about it since in USA we dont get enough maternity leave to begin with. Not sure why it would matter though since they arent the ones that pay you leave....the state pays it.

The health benefits are paid by the employer, that's quite an expense.

What about holding your position when they could be training your replacement? For a small business, you'd be hurting a lot of people including your coworkers who are busting their humps expecting you're returning.

Personally, I'd be ashamed of myself to even consider this.

tjmtjm · April 2011

TristaD81:
tjmtjm:
tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

Takes a bow.

I think its kinda weird when for those that get benefits/PTO for mat leave, but its not my place to judge.

In my defense...I am an hourly employee with no benefits (I work PT and DH's job provides the benefits for me). I've been with this company for 10 years, FT most of those years but two years ago I went PT to take care of home and yardwork and all that. All of those years I was considered "childbearing" so I don't think I've made a bad name for other women in their 20s and 30s. Its time for me to move on and baby has made it a good time to go.

I would tell my boss now but he'd find a way to let me go now if I did. I don't think thats fair either...so thats why I'm not tellling. I need to work up until I deliver and can't take any chances with losing my income prior to that.

*shrug*

That really sucks. I have to admit, I was totally judging you until you explained about your crappy boss. This I can understand - people who will lose their jobs if they tell AND are not getting paid leave.

But if you are committing fraud (not telling your employer so you can get benefits), sorry, I really don't agree with your decision. That, and as PP said, you are taking away jobs from other people who really want them because your employer is holding it for you (and the company is losing money waiting for you to come back when they could be training someone else).

Yeah....but I don't see how I'm committing fraud...

I had one conversation a long time ago with my boss that I would come back after (unpaid) mat. leave and now I've decided to just quit when LO gets here. How is that fraud? No one will be holding a job for me or paying me any benefits...I'm just deciding to not come back. I'm an hourly retail store manager! Stick out tongue

I will be telling my boss in July that I am not coming back. I have employees that tell me that aren't leaving the store all the time...only to put in their notice two weeks later...

I don't think my boss needs to know my plans right now. Like I said, I'm scared if I say I don't want to work after LO is here....my hours will be cut down to nothing and I'll pretty much be forced out early...I can't take that chance!

tjmtjm · April 2011

absent*minded:
tjmtjm:
tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

Takes a bow.

I think its kinda weird when for those that get benefits/PTO for mat leave, but its not my place to judge.

In my defense...I am an hourly employee with no benefits (I work PT and DH's job provides the benefits for me). I've been with this company for 10 years, FT most of those years but two years ago I went PT to take care of home and yardwork and all that. All of those years I was considered "childbearing" so I don't think I've made a bad name for other women in their 20s and 30s. Its time for me to move on and baby has made it a good time to go.

I would tell my boss now but he'd find a way to let me go now if I did. I don't think thats fair either...so thats why I'm not tellling. I need to work up until I deliver and can't take any chances with losing my income prior to that.

*shrug*

Well why don't you tell your boss when you give birth or when you hit 39w or whatever? I don't understand waiting until after your mat leave. Like PP said, you may need a letter of rec from them someday, and they would have more time to find your replacement.

I'm kinda finding that I didn't make that clear!!! To begin with! lol That is actually what I'm doing. I'm just a "liar" because a few months ago he asked if I would come back and I said I would...and have since changed my mind...so I'm a big fat liar now.

So right now he thinks I am coming back...but I'm actually putting in my notice at 38 weeks. And I'm having trouble keeping it a secret....I feel bad

tjmtjm · April 2011

Five_letter:

llcoolay:
Dont feel bad about it since in USA we dont get enough maternity leave to begin with. Not sure why it would matter though since they arent the ones that pay you leave....the state pays it.

The health benefits are paid by the employer, that's quite an expense.

What about holding your position when they could be training your replacement? For a small business, you'd be hurting a lot of people including your coworkers who are busting their humps expecting you're returning.

Personally, I'd be ashamed of myself to even consider this.

As I said...I don't receive any benefits through my employer. Sad

No one will be holding my position. I'm just not telling him for right now that I don't plan on returning. There will be plenty of time to retrain my replacement...which is my assistant manager who will be very pleased to be getting a promotion and a raise! Big Smile

Five_letter · April 2011

tjmtjm:
Five_letter:

llcoolay:
Dont feel bad about it since in USA we dont get enough maternity leave to begin with. Not sure why it would matter though since they arent the ones that pay you leave....the state pays it.

The health benefits are paid by the employer, that's quite an expense.

What about holding your position when they could be training your replacement? For a small business, you'd be hurting a lot of people including your coworkers who are busting their humps expecting you're returning.

Personally, I'd be ashamed of myself to even consider this.

As I said...I don't receive any benefits through my employer.

No one will be holding my position. I'm just not telling him for right now that I don't plan on returning. There will be plenty of time to retrain my replacement...which is my assistant manager who will be very pleased to be getting a promotion and a raise!

I'm sorry, I didn't think I was responding to you directly.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't give my boss much notice either, but I wouldn't wait 12 weeks to tell him.

We own a small business (15 employees) and things like this drive me insane.

TristaD81 · April 2011

tjmtjm:
TristaD81:
tjmtjm:
tosababy:

Thank you all for setting back women in the workplace. Your dishonesty leads employers to hire fewer women of child bearing age. Bravo!

Takes a bow.

I think its kinda weird when for those that get benefits/PTO for mat leave, but its not my place to judge.

In my defense...I am an hourly employee with no benefits (I work PT and DH's job provides the benefits for me). I've been with this company for 10 years, FT most of those years but two years ago I went PT to take care of home and yardwork and all that. All of those years I was considered "childbearing" so I don't think I've made a bad name for other women in their 20s and 30s. Its time for me to move on and baby has made it a good time to go.

I would tell my boss now but he'd find a way to let me go now if I did. I don't think thats fair either...so thats why I'm not tellling. I need to work up until I deliver and can't take any chances with losing my income prior to that.

*shrug*

That really sucks. I have to admit, I was totally judging you until you explained about your crappy boss. This I can understand - people who will lose their jobs if they tell AND are not getting paid leave.

But if you are committing fraud (not telling your employer so you can get benefits), sorry, I really don't agree with your decision. That, and as PP said, you are taking away jobs from other people who really want them because your employer is holding it for you (and the company is losing money waiting for you to come back when they could be training someone else).

Yeah....but I don't see how I'm committing fraud...

I had one conversation a long time ago with my boss that I would come back after (unpaid) mat. leave and now I've decided to just quit when LO gets here. How is that fraud? No one will be holding a job for me or paying me any benefits...I'm just deciding to not come back. I'm an hourly retail store manager!

I will be telling my boss in July that I am not coming back. I have employees that tell me that aren't leaving the store all the time...only to put in their notice two weeks later...

I don't think my boss needs to know my plans right now. Like I said, I'm scared if I say I don't want to work after LO is here....my hours will be cut down to nothing and I'll pretty much be forced out early...I can't take that chance!

Sorry - I wasn't clear in my response (obviously). The first part was directed towards you (that I understand what you're doing because otherwise you'd lose your job and you don't get any benefits anyway). The second part (about the fraud) was directed at all the other responses to your OP who are not in your position and are "working the system."

tjmtjm · April 2011

Yeah, I'm going to tell him I'm not planning on coming back...but DEF BEFORE I leave...just not....4 months before. Maybe more like 4 weeks.

I really like my job and my boss has been good to me over the years and I definetly don't want to burn any bridges...I just feel bad when he says things like "when you come back" and I have to smile and nod.

Its going to be hard putting my notice into him in July...I've been here so long! It will be the end of an era. But I'm looking forward to a new chapter!

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