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2nd Trimester
panucci1314
member
Staying home & MIL Watching Baby
panucci1314
member
When LO comes I am so excited to become a stay at home mom, I am a first time mom and so excited about. I don't want to miss a thing. Now my SIL is pregnant also and is going back to work full time and my FIL will be watching her baby from 6am to 3pm when my MIL gets homes then she will until 6pm. My FIL works till 2am every night n will only sleep for a short period of time which really upsets me and I believe its kinda taken advantage of. But that's not why I write. My MIL keeps saying I want one day a week you drop LO off for the whole day you go do what you want. I want a whole day during the week and it to be set since your deciding to stay home and its not nicely. I have nicely said we will stop by together as much as possible. and says no I want you to drop her off in morning my FIL and pick her up later i want my babies together for a day. This is just like the last straw she has told me a lot of what will happen when my baby is born and I am sick of hearing it. am not okay with my FIL or MIL being with two newborns all day? I dont know how to keep nicely stating it but its getting really annoying. I am staying home to spend the days with her, its not I don't trust them but two infants is a lot for anyone. Does anyone else have this issue with in-laws?
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Re: Staying home & MIL Watching Baby
Really, I would just delay making a decision. They are going to feel like you don't trust them, plus disappointed that they won't get to bond with your baby. No one's forcing you to give your baby to them, but it is their son's baby, too, and I promise, eventually you will really like this idea. Just don't burn bridges on this one, is all I'm saying. What does your DH say?
Are you planning to breastfeed? If so, that would be a great excuse for you for those first few months. You can tell her that you need to be with the baby so you can feed him/her and make sure your supply is well established, etc.
Then at about six months the baby will be ready for solids and can go longer without nursing and you'll feel more comfortable leaving the baby with your ILs.
Just a thought.
Good luck!
Say "we'll talk about it more when baby gets here" and drop the conversation for now. It's not worth arguing about when baby isnt even here yet.
As a PP said, you will absolutely appreciate that once your LO gets here. You might not want to do it at first when baby is still an infant, and at that point if MIL keeps asking, you can say "I'm not ready to leave her just yet, but we'll stop by every week for a few hours. When I'm ready to leave her, you'll be her babysitter, don't worry."
It's not impossible for someone to take care of 2 infants at once, especially when there are 2 people there. There are moms that raise multiples everyday. A few hours one day a week isnt going to hurt. You can always compromise, and instead of sending LO to your MILs for a full day, you can just send her over for 3-4 hours. It will allow you to keep your house in order, book dr's appointments for yourself, etc.
I'm not sure how different that'll be when you'll probably be running on 3 hours of sleep for most days! Ditto the pps though. Use the BF-ing/bonding in the beginning as an excuse but after LO is at least 3 months I'm pretty sure you're going to be wanting a day off. I work PT and I still need a day away and will have my parents watch DD an extra day during the week. Don't completely take it off the table. Just say you'll discuss it more when the baby comes. Besides, your SIL's baby may end up being extremely difficult and they may take back their offer!
When my LO is born I am going to be a SAHM. I really can't wait either. I can see your point and I completely agree. Its almost offensive that she doesn't want you around. I would blatantly say, "No, its not going to happen right now. Again, we will be by together to visit, but I am not leaving my child so soon. Maybe when its older." Good luck with that one!
For the record mine will be 11 months apart and I will never leave both with a grandparent on their own. If more than one grandparent is there then thats another story.
Just nod and smile for now and deal with it when the time comes.
FWIW, I'm a SAHM with zero family nearby...and I'd do just about anything for smoeone to offer to watch DS for a day. Not necessarily when he was a newborn, but after awhile, I needed a break. I'm with him so much that leaving him with a sitter while I go to a dentist appointment feels like glorious "me time."
Just keep an open mind, and let them know that you'll leave your LO when you're comfortable with it.
br
All of this. I can see your side of it, because your baby isn't even here yet and already someone is demanding alone time with your LO. I would get a little defensive too. My mom is kinda being this way, although she hasn't outright demanded anything.
You might just want to drop it for now, and just tell her you will discuss it again after the baby arrives. At that time, you might just use breatfeeding excuse, or whatever. I don't really think you NEED an excuse- the baby is yours (and DH's of course) and you aren't obligated to share LO with anyone.
What does your husband say about all of this?