Scared about experiencing PPD

I am pregnant with my first. I have never been diagnosed with depression, that's only because I was always too proud to seek help. I was a self mutilator for many, many years and dreamt of leaving quite a few times. I have my good days and my bad. Lately I feel like I have had more good than bad. But I can feel myself getting kinda "blah" real recently. I don't feel like working and doing much of anything. And yet at the same time I'm restless and want to do something but nothing is a good option for me. I just don't feel too happy right now. I know with my hormones being all out of wack and having such a lifechanging(and exciting) thing happening to me, it's expected to be this way. I didn't plan this pregnancy. I have always wanted kids, ALWAYS, but I would have come about it differently if I could have. I am thrilled, don't get me wrong. It just feels like the only thing for me to be thrilled about right now.

I'm so worried I'm going to have PPD with how things are now and have been in the past. And I don't want to put my child in harms way. I don't know if there was much of a point to this post besides expressing my worries. But it feels as time has gone on with this pregnancy, it's becoming something I worry about more and more.