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Single Parents
Meeting with lawyers this week...opinions needed
I am meeting with 2 different lawyers this coming week and I am scared to say the least. I know they won't be making any decisions, but as the time comes closer I worry that courts won't see me as the "most fit" parent. I'm getting scared that since I live so close to BD we will share custody 50/50. I'm afraid that since I live with my parents, don't have a job, and am in the last year of college, that the courts will look down upon me. BD has never done anything wrong such as physical abuse, substance abuse, or anything like that. He just wasn't willing to work things out when they got tough and he admitted to being scared and running from things. That's fine its not like we were together for years, only a months. You can't change someone and it's dumb to stay together unhappy just because we have a son on the way. So I am asking for your opinons/advice as most have gone through what I am about to.
First, I have decided to keep BD off of the BC until he goes to court and establishes paternity. (I am in TX) There is not a doubt in my mind that he is the father. I am going to allow him to be there for the birth, but if I put him on the BC I have been told he has 50/50 rights automatically. He has already been trying to tell me when he will be taking our son (4 hours away, for 3 days at a time). So I decided to save myself it would be best to leave him off until he goes to court, we complete the test, and go through custody/mediation. My reason for this is if he took off with LO the cops could not do anything with him being on the BC as the father. I feel so shady for doing this but I have to cover my own a$$. If BD is not listed on the BC then I have to find my own insurance (BD agreed to carry him on his but without being on the BC they will not allow it) I hate to have to spend my own money for this when BD has insurance that we could use, but I am scared of what he could do. In your opinion am I being shady here or am I in the right?
His mother sent me a card that was a "hope your doing well type thing". It was sweet but she kept reffering to our LO as "future Thomas" *their last name*. I am still up in the air about the last name. My last name will not always be what it is. At 22, I think I will get married one day, no rush. How do I go about telling someone that I may not be using their last name.
Those of you with children under 3, does your child's father have overnight visits? I know it is different in every case, but I'd like to hear others. I will be breastfeeding and I thought that 3hour visits 4 days a week would be fine. It's an infant, their attention span is not long and there is not much more he can do with him than feed him, play a little, and change a few diapers. To me this seems like enough bonding time away from my home. After he is old enough for overnight visits I'd like for BD to have EOW with one evening during the week. Does this seem "fair"?
How long did it take for your custody case to be complete, start to finish?
Are there any questions I should ask these lawyers? Anything you wish you would have done different?
I'm sorry this is so long. I figured you ladies would have some insight on what to do and some opinions on my situation. I'm sorry it seems very hard to read. I have a hard time putting my thoughts about this on paper so I get jumbled. Thank you in advance.
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Re: Meeting with lawyers this week...opinions needed
Being that you and the Father are not married, he doesn't get automatic anything, even if his name is one the BC. I'm not sure about TX laws but they are a very pro mother state. If you are not married in order for him to be pu ton the BC he needs to sign an affidavit of paternity or have the DNA and then the courts will put him on the BC. HE will still have to file for custody/visitation rights.
2. You are still showing a responsible stable living environment by living w/ your parents and finishing school that will provide a degree to enable you to get a better paying job that will support you and the child for a lifetime.
3. Typically, courts follow the guideline of no overnight visitation until the child is 18 months old. They can say 4 hour unsupervised away from you visitation but they can even say 8 hour if you pump or bottle feed and have the child in daycare. This is okay.
4. It's really not easy to declare a parent unfit. You would need to be turning tricks, with a herion needle sticking out of your arm, dealing drugs in the local elementary school and on Dateline's to catch a predator in front of the judge.
The last name thing really isn't as a big of deal. And as the child gets older it gets hard to change the last name. So either your maiden name or his last name it really doesn't matter. Even if you get married to someone else years down you'll change your maiden name but the child's last name would require the father's authorization and a judge's signature to change it.
1) my exH never showed up to any parenting classes that were required and thank goodness the judge allowed our divorce to be finalized without it. Now I'm going back for a different PP (phone visitation only) and it's biting him in the bum and has become one of my "in order to re-instate physical visitation" demands
2) it took almost 2 years to finalize our PP (but I had a weird case and I let it go that long without finalizing waiting for exH to show his true colors and in my lawyer's words "gave him enough rope to hang himself"
3) the last name thing isn't that big of a deal these days with so many single parents, blended families etc.
Good luck and hugs!