LD SS, summer school and summer visitation
bancbev
member
Has anyone ever had to deal with LD stepchild having to go to summer school and it totally messing up summer visitation? It looks like my SS is going to have to go to summer school. He goes to a very small, private school. So, having him go to summer school where we live won't work.
DH keeps saying that if he has to go to summer school, he won't be able to come visit us. In my opinion, whatever time he isn't in school, he needs to come for visitation. Even if it screws up all of BMs other summer plans (they always go away for 4th of July weekend). Unless he is literaly in summer school from the day school gets out, till the day next year starts, he needs to spend the rest of summer here. If that is only a week then so be it.
There is nothing in the c/o about this, and BM and DH are pretty flexible with scheduling. Any insight?
Re: LD SS, summer school and summer visitation
My first question is how long are you supposed to get SS for summer visitation? Is it plausible to have him for weekends? I don't know what the schedule is so I'm just asking.
Next, why is your vacation time more important than BM's? I'm not trying to be harsh but that is the way you are coming off. I would call BM or the school and find out the summer school schedule, that way you know exactly how much time SS will be out of school. I would then split the time between you and BM. I think that as long as it's possible SS should get vacation time with both of DH and BM. I certainly don't think that BM should have to give up all her vacation time with SS so he can vacation with you.
I do understand that BM will get to see SS more but she will probably work and obviously SS will be in school. I also think that if BM and DH are flexible with scheduling then I'm sure they will be able to work something out.
This. I teach and we have kids registered for summer school every year that do not attend our school. Can you look into classes where you live?
3 boys (15, 8, 6), 1 girl (4)
Summer school won't last the whole summer.
I think that your first approach should be to find out the beginning and end dates for summer, and then both your H and BM can come up with some ideas about how to handle it. Your H can ask her for ideas, and he can suggest some things, and hopefully there will be a great compromise there.
I'd hope that trying to make BM cancel her 4th of July thing would be a last resort--especially if it's something that your SS enjoys and looks forward to. If she and your H are pretty amicable and flexible, telling her she needs to cancel the trip would be a good way to chip away at that IMO.
It might only be 6 weeks, which is less than half the summer. Until you have all the details, try not to think in terms of the worst case scenario.
Thanks ladies. To clarify, we live out of state from SS. We are not just talking about him missing a "vacation" with us. He comes to visit us for 4 weeks during the summer. This year it's been worked out he will be with us for the month of June. Because he lives so far away, we only get to see him in person 4 times a year. So yes we feel that him coming for some sort of visitation, is more important than a weekend trip with his mother, who he lives with, and sees daily.
He cannot go to summer school here, that is per his school. His summer break is approximately 9 weeks, so if summer school is 6 of that, well then we have an issue.
Obviously we will need to get the schedule and figure it out from there. I was just wondering if anyone else had been in this situation before. Thanks again.
I don't think OP is being hostile about this situation but the bottom line is that it is very easy to become upset when you don't have all the information. I'm happy to see that a SM is eager to have the SK for the 4 weeks visitation and it is a priority to the BF that the child come for the time during the summer. My ex would use summer school as a reason to not have our kids for 4 weeks and not be concerned with making up the time missed with them if it wasn't the 4 weeks in July.
OP, you need to find out the summer school schedule 1st. Start communication with the BM and let her know how important it is that SK comes for the visit and compromise on the time available before school starts. BM shouldn't have to give up all of her time with the child for summer fun either, even if child is living there during summer because as PP mentioned, the child is in school and BM is likely working so they won't have time for vacation either.
Compromise seems to be the easiest way out of this situation and expect that nobody is going to win in this. It's one summer. The child is only this young once, and the time spent, even if it is 1 week instead of 4, is still very important with BF. You risk upsetting child with arguments over "time you deserve" with child because it is the summer school that is causing the problem. Don't make the child feel like it is their fault that BF and you are upset you won't get to spend more time with them because they had to go to summer school.
Good luck in whatever you decide.