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2nd Trimester
update green eyed monster
So for anyone who remembers and wants an update about my little life drama. Quick back story is that DH's BF has a girl friend that is 21 and keeps texting my DH and calling him, boiling point was when she called him on a day she knew I had off and we were spending time together, and invited him to the bar, and completely left me out and made it aware I wasn't invited. So I had a talk with him and let him know how I felt inferior, being pregnant, purposfully left out, and hormones... etc. I asked him to not respond to her texts/calls anymore.
So tonight, (I work midnights) DH is at a mutual friends house they are drinking and having a good old time. He for some reason tells this girl, and everyone at the party how I feel, and that I don't want her calling/texting him. He then proceeds to tell her to ask me about it and tells her to egg me on and make me feel bad about it. He obviously does not sympathize with how I feel. So I am getting drunk texts from this girl WHILE I AM AT WORK asking me about being mad, etc. I'm so angry now, mostly because he thougtht my feelings were funny enough to share with the group & have a good laugh, and now things are going to be weird between me and this girl. I also don't want her to know that I am jealous of her. (Mutual friend brought me a snack @ work and told me what DH was saying)
Ugg so another fight waiting for me when I wake up and the little time before I have to go back in to work tonight. Heaven help me what is wrong with him! I am going to punch him and tell him to grow the F* up!
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Re: update green eyed monster
Seriously. This would be a major trust issue for me. I hope he comes to his senses, but honestly, this sends up some red flags.
Wow, you've got a really special one on your hands.
Nice to know your SO cares about your feelings enough to put you first and never make you feel inferior to anyone, make you feel foolish or disrespected. Oh wait, that's sort of the opposite of your situation.
Huge red flags. Where are his loyalties? He needs to straighten out his act or you guys need to decide what your future is going to look like. Being with someone - having a child with someone - is an ultimate act of trust and partnership. Without the trust and partnership, you're better off going it alone. At least you can always depend on yourself not to let yourself down.
ETA: You and your baby deserve better than someone who would treat you like that. Your child deserves to grow up seeing two parents respect each other. I'm not saying you need to pack your bags and leave SO like, 5 minutes ago, but this is pretty serious that he would think it is okay to make you the butt of a big joke, to totally disregard your feelings and put them behind this 21 year old girl's. To throw trust and the intimacy that comes with it out the window.
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
All of this--sorry, but your H is being a total douche and acting like he's in high school or something. Totally NOT okay, pregnancy hormones in play or not. That girl is a biotch and needs to be put in her place, as does your H.
Mine would be spending time on one of those friends' couch and it sure as hell better not be the one where the girl lives!! IMO, you need to be very firm with your DH and let him know that this behaviour is not what you expect out of your partner. You don't need that in your life when you are trying to raise a child. I'm really sorry you are having to go through this while growing a baby
I totally agree with this. My husband wouldn't dare and yours shouldn't either.
This
but I WOULD say pack your bags 5 minutes ago... that's if you have little tolerance for BS, cause that's what it is. The sad thing is, it's not that silly little girls fault, it's you SOs responsibility to make sure his relationships with friends/acquaintances don't interfere iwth his relationship with you. sorry you're with a loser =(
OMG what an a$$hole your DH is being! How old is he?
I agree with the other pp that said it is not necessarily the idiot girl's fault in this case. Right she got things started by txting him in the first place but now he is really fanning the flames trying to cause trouble between you & this girl & feeding his own ego as well!
I would so pack a bag & go stay with some friends & family for a night or two. Maybe he needs a good scare like this to bring him to his senses. He has to learn he cannot treat you this way, EVER but esp when you are pregnant!
This isn't jealousy. Jealousy was when my mom got all sensitive about me spending time with hospice patients and not her, or when I yelled at my DH years ago when we were just dating because he spent time talking to a female friend upset that her own boyfriend was dealing with untreated PTSD after coming home from Iraq. That was jealousy and it was pretty unreasonable in both cases.
This is your DH having some serious issues that he needs to grow up and deal with. It's not that some girl texted him and asked him out to a bar and excluded you -- it's that he went. His behavior just sounds absolutely ridiculous. It is time for a serious conversation with him about whether he wants to treat you as a priority or whether he wants to get his butt out of your house.
He might just be scared with the baby coming, but he needs to learn to deal with that in a mature fashion. If he needs counseling together or as a couple to get that accomplished, then that's what he needs.
I had a serious live-in boyfriend who use to pull the exact same games on me. He would get invited to go somewhere and he'd basically tell me that he didn't want me to come because he needed time with his friends then I would hear all of our business trickling back to me. I even worked with a girl who he hung out with and she's taunt me about the problems we were having. I thought the problems were manageable and even normal (I was 19), but they just kept growing until girls were calling my house and messages from old girlfriends were popping up on instant messenger every time he sat down at the computer.
There wasn't a marriage and baby involved, so we just went our separate ways. Ten years later, he's a decent enough guy I guess but that relationship was just not going to work because he had checked out. Your DH needs to check back in and really decide to put some work into it because that's what it is going to take.
ALL THIS!
If my husband did something like that, he might as well go and fvck her, because, to me, it is the same thing. It is betrayal and is it unforgivable. I would definetly leave. That was too horrible. So you bare your soul to him and he humiliates you in front of other people? And, cherry on the cake, turns you into the amusement of the very girl who was trying to push you out of the picture (yes, that is what she was doing, I saw your first post and you were not being unreasonable)? And all that stress while you are pregnant and working? WTF!
And, by the way, the fault is on him. She is a silly little 21 yo. He is the one who made a commitment to you - a commitment that, IMO, goes way further than just not sleeping around.
That is a disloyal bastard and you deserve better. I am sorry. I know there are other things about your relationship I don't know, and I don't know you or your SO apart from what you've written. And breaking up is hard, especially with a baby on the way, but, based solely on the information you've provided, if I were you, I would leave him. For good, not just for show.
Anyone is better off alone than with a douche like that. Relationships are supposed to make your life better, not worse.
I hope that, either way, you feel better soon.
Good luck!
Forget the couch, I say he'd be lucky to be in the same neighborhood as you. That really sucks!
Sounds to me like he's fvcking her and to maintain their little "secret", they're throwing everyone else off by making fun of how jealous you are.
I could be wrong, but there are red flags everywhere, from the relationship itself to the lack of concern/respect for your feelings, to the egging her on to harass you. There is something inappropriate going on, even if they aren't having sex...yet.
I totally agree. And even if they're not fvcking the relationship is WAY inappropriate. MAke sure you have those texts saved. You need to deal with your DH now, as in counseling or his ass is out of the house. No way I'd be OK with letting this go with a baby on thw way.
Eew, sounds like your "D"H is a real douche. I showed my hubby your story and he says he thinks you DH is just SCARED of becoming a parent. This 21 yo is unattached, young, and has no responsibilities. I'm assuming this is your first kid together, so it makes sense. Talk to your dude or (I say) kick him to the curb (my DH says) for a bit til he comes to his senses!