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Oh brother...he's back!

achase123achase123
in Single Parents

None other than SD, of course.

Since I blocked him on my cell, I randomly got an email from him.  He has been clean now for two months (I'm sure).

He said that he signed up for the children of divorce workshop (one of the stipulations he must complete in order to reinstate his visitation, per our CO).  He also would like recent pics of P.

Part of me says FFS, you haven't seen your child in almost a year, do you even deserve to look at his adorable face in pics?

And part of me says, here are the pics Super Douche, you can take a gander at your beautiful son and all that you're missing. 

Should I send them?  It probably doesn't really matter either way, but I'm open to opinions.

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Re: Oh brother...he's back!

  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    Until all court orders have been met and verified to reinstate court ordered visitation you are under no obligation to do anything.

    Why hand over photos for him to put on FB or his dating profile or to show off to some new chickadee that his son is his whole wooorrrlllddd. When in fact he's done nothing but lie and manipulate to get his way again.

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  • achase123achase123
    imagesweetie0228:

    Until all court orders have been met and verified to reinstate court ordered visitation you are under no obligation to do anything.

    Why hand over photos for him to put on FB or his dating profile or to show off to some new chickadee that his son is his whole wooorrrlllddd. When in fact he's done nothing but lie and manipulate to get his way again.

    My son means the WORLD to me.  Love it when they put that on their match profile.

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  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    Sometimes, I wonder if I should send photos of the children to my ex and his family.  They haven't seen the children in years and I'm sure they could walk past them in the mall now and not recognize them anymore....maybe not DD she looks EXACTLY like me.

    Then I realize i would be opening the pandora's box of drama again.  The feeling passes.  You only feel guility b/c rational people like us would do anything not to miss a moment and to be included in the child's life.  We feel guilty b/c for a moment we put ourselves in their shoes and say how would I feel if this was being done to me, to be turned down for only a photo.

    BUT this is not being done to him.  He is the one that has chosen not to be in his child's life.  He is the one choosing drugs and partying over his son and his family.

    He could have shown up at court.

    He could have shown up to what little visitation he had been getting.

    He could have shown up to life.

    These are his decisions.  You aren't keeping anything from him, you are giving him the gift of consecquences and you are holding him accountable for his choices.

    A photo won't make him go away, it will show him that you allowed the door to your life is opened jsut a little bit.  You will show him where you can be manipulated again.  Don't allow the chaos back in.

    P deserves better than a druggie's promises.

     

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  • achase123achase123
    imagesweetie0228:

    Sometimes, I wonder if I should send photos of the children to my ex and his family.  They haven't seen the children in years and I'm sure they could walk past them in the mall now and not recognize them anymore....maybe not DD she looks EXACTLY like me.

    Then I realize i would be opening the pandora's box of drama again.  The feeling passes.  You only feel guility b/c rational people like us would do anything not to miss a moment and to be included in the child's life.  We feel guilty b/c for a moment we put ourselves in their shoes and say how would I feel if this was being done to me, to be turned down for only a photo.

    BUT this is not being done to him.  He is the one that has chosen not to be in his child's life.  He is the one choosing drugs and partying over his son and his family.

    He could have shown up at court.

    He could have shown up to what little visitation he had been getting.

    He could have shown up to life.

    These are his decisions.  You aren't keeping anything from him, you are giving him the gift of consecquences and you are holding him accountable for his choices.

    A photo won't make him go away, it will show him that you allowed the door to your life is opened jsut a little bit.  You will show him where you can be manipulated again.  Don't allow the chaos back in.

    P deserves better than a druggie's promises.

     

    ::humps Sweetie's leg::

    Well played.

    My personal favorite line "He could have shown up to life".  So true.

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  • StrawberryAlarmClockStrawberryAlarmClock member
    imagesweetie0228:

      They haven't seen the children in years and I'm sure they could walk past them in the mall now and not recognize them anymore....

    This is what scares me. Yikes.

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  • BostonGayGalBostonGayGal member
    I might be the only one, but I would send him a photo, by mail.  You picked your battles, and won every one of them.  Withholding a photo just seems a bit like a power play. 


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  • achase123achase123

    imageBostonGayGal:
    I might be the only one, but I would send him a photo, by mail.  You picked your battles, and won every one of them.  Withholding a photo just seems a bit like a power play. 

    The problem with snail mail is that I don't have an address for him.  As far as I know, he's homeless at this time.

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  • DarthNBJenniDarthNBJenni

    imageBostonGayGal:
    I might be the only one, but I would send him a photo, by mail.  You picked your battles, and won every one of them.  Withholding a photo just seems a bit like a power play. 

    Though I'd definitely pick one where you were holding P. You know, just in case he was going to put it up on a dating site :) 

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  • achase123achase123
    imageDarthNBJenni:

    imageBostonGayGal:
    I might be the only one, but I would send him a photo, by mail.  You picked your battles, and won every one of them.  Withholding a photo just seems a bit like a power play. 

    Though I'd definitely pick one where you were holding P. You know, just in case he was going to put it up on a dating site :) 

    And to make him kick himself just a wee bit when he realizes what he gave up?

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  • BostonGayGalBostonGayGal member
    But he has a valid email address so you could ask him by email to give an address where you could send it :)


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  • r9stedtr9stedt
    imageBostonGayGal:
    But he has a valid email address so you could ask him by email to give an address where you could send it :)

    This!!
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  • Starbuck5Starbuck5 member

    Damn :( Sorry achase. Why does he think he can come and go as he pleases?

    That has got to be so frustrating. But I agree with PP's when it comes to trying to get an address to send the photo. I'd definitely do a hard copy over a digital one. 



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  • cmanmomcmanmom

    I second the idea of sending one with you in it.  I sent one to my exH because he begged (we're kind of in the same sitch, same backstoryish etc.) and I sent it to be nice only to find out later it became his facebook profile picture and I was peeved!

    Now when he asks via e-mail, I send him ones with me in them that would be nearly impossible to crop me out of, or just ones that aren't great - as in eyes closed or sticking out tongue etc.

    It may be evil but if he wanted to actually see our handsome little man, he has EVERY right...he just has to "show up for life" as PP said.

    My vote = don't send one and open that door.

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