- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Northern California Babies
kittylove
member
Please come in if you kept your maiden name or your child's last name isn't the same as yours.
kittylove
member
Let me start by saying I LOVE my son's pre-school for next year and this is not a deal breaker for me. But I do wonder if this would bother others.
DS will attend a co-op for next year and they have asked that either I go by DS's last name or he goes by mine, for convinance. Most of me doesn't mind, but a part of me does. I am torn between just letting them call me Mrs. Hislastname and telling them that I won't. I would be saying no on principle, not because it really bothers me. Would this bug anyone else? Feel free to tell me this isn't a big deal, and I am overreacting, most of me knows that I am.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Please come in if you kept your maiden name or your child's last name isn't the same as yours.
legally i kept my maiden name
professionally i go by both
socially i go by h's last name (it's the same one that dd has)
for daycare it's h's last name, when she enters preschool/kindergarten i'll probably continue to use it. to me personally, it's not a big deal what people call me socially.
I wouldn't be okay with that. They should be more accommodating of issues such as that, especially since it isn't an uncommon thing anymore.
I kept my maiden name and my two oldest kids have it. My husband and our two kids have his last name. This has never been an issue anywhere...not at school, the doctor's office, the dentist, insurance, etc. Now sometimes I am called Mrs. R instead of Mrs. T by those who don't know, and that's fine. But if they requested that I put Mrs. R on forms I would refuse. That isn't my name.
The thing that would bother me about their wanting to do this for their "convenience" is it doesn't seem very friendly to divorced/single moms either. I mean, I chose to take my H's name so I'm obviously okay with it. I *think* if I hadn't taken his name, I'd probably still be fine with going by it. But if we weren't/had never been married, it would actually p*ss me off. I'm pretty defensive for a friend of mine who went through all this and decided to give her kid his dad's last name even though they split long before he was born. The preschool needs to jump into today's age and realize that family's are made up of a lot of different circumstances and scenerios. It seems silly they can't just work this out amongst themselves. Put both names on paperwork, etc if they have to...
ETA: and this isn't even a "new" thing. My mom has neeeeeeever had the same last name as me. My parents divorced when I was barely 2, and she immediately dropped my dad's last name. It wasn't an issue for our schools, etc 28 years ago. It should not be an issue today. Obviously your situation is a little different, but they're silly for even asking about it, IMHO.
This is me exactly. The only reason I haven't changed it yet is I am really bad with paperwork!
It wouldn't bother me. But I didn't keep my maiden name for any other reason than laziness.
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
If it's not a deal breaker for you then I wouldn't spend anymore time worrying about it and just go by his lastname. Annoying-yes. But I think life is too short to worry about such things.
If you were a single mom and your DS had his father's name, I could understand why this would bother you and I could see making a stink about it. But if it is not a deal breaker for you, I wouldn't refuse on principle.
It would bug me if they were requiring me to go by DH's last name. Trying to match me up with my kid by last name wouldn't bug me as much (even if it happens to be DH's last name) because the rationale behind it isn't the same (subjugating women, etc).
At work I have always gone by my maiden name and when my company was purchased, they FORCED me to go by my legal last name, even though my maiden name is part of my legal last name. That pissed me off.
the secret blog
I think it's terribly rude of them to even ask!
What if you were divorced and it was ugly?
I would refuse to conform, but that's just me. If it doesn't bother you, do what you feel most comfortable with.
If it's a huge issue for them, why not just have the kids call you Ms. FirstName? I get that manners, formality & such are attempting to be taught, but it's pre-school.
ETA: Most preschools I know of use teachers/parents/childs first names and last initial only anyway for privacy reasons. The teachers full names are available of course, but no one else should be required to use a last name, no matter what it actually is.
Maybe you could go by Ms. Sunshine. I think you have the right disposition for that name.
I have my actual last name on record w/ them. It's a moot point though, because our daycare calls us by our first names anyway
Since you have a very specific reason as to why you didn't take DH's last name, then not referring to you by who you are is unacceptable. I mean if I wanted to start calling everyone "Mr. Brown" for my convenience, that wouldn't be ok: it's not that person's name (you know... unless it is). So, DH's last name is not YOUR name.
PS. I always tell people when they call looking for Mrs.DHlastname that there's no such person living there... or that she lives on the East Coast
Photo by Zemya Photography
The only reason I disagree is because Ariel presented them as asking her to have the same last name as R, not as her husband. If they asked the parents to have the same name that's one thing, but they asked the mom/kid to have the same name, which I can see in some cases being "easier" (which is also what she said they used as their reason).
the secret blog
Legally I go by DH's last name.
Socially and Professionally my maiden and last.
All this for many, many reasons.
Their request is insensitive in my opinion. I am considering a co-op for Z coming up in September and have not been asked to do that.
Most of the circles I'm in and even in the mother's group day care, I go Ms. First name!
I would ask them. Just tell them it's not a deal breaker to them, but is it really necessary?
Personally, in those situations I prefer Ms. First Name. When we get married we are his wife, when we have children is his or her Mom. I think Ms. First Name still gives you a sense of individuality. Especially in those situations.
"Oh come on Gromit, a bit more, you know... alluring!!"
There is no way the kids could say either last name. My parents were school teacher and both were known as Mr/Mrs K. It isn't for the kids to call me. It is for paperwork, service hours and such.