Good response for people asking when I'll get pregnant?

KelliLynee · April 2011

I have a 22 month old daughter & we were always open with the fact that we wanted a few kids. Not overly vocal, but it certainly isnt a secret. We started trying last July when DD was 13 months old. We've been pregnant three times since then, the first a missed m/c that resulted in a D&C, the second a chemical pregnancy, and now we are pregnant a third time with what is an "expected miscarraige." On two consecutive ultrasounds (7w and 8w) baby measured <6w, had a low HR (90's then 80's) and the yolk sac is quite enlarged. All signs point to miscarraige, but we are waiting & watching.

There are a lot of women around me that are pregnant right now, and the department I work for (im a pharmacist in a hospital) is notorious for having lots of women pregnant. Everyone always says "dont drink the water!" Another girl announced a pregnancy today & I just dread the comments that I know I will get about "when are you going to have another?" or "you're next" or other seemingly harmless questions or comments.

What I really want to say is "that is a really personal question & its never appropriate to ask a woman that" or something similar that doesn't give away the fact that I am having difficulty, but that tells them that as a general rule, you just dont know what a woman is going through. Its torture to keep hearing other people announcing pregnancies. They are good friends & I am thrilled for them, but the constant pregnancy chatter is exhausting. Does anyone have a good comment that tells people that its not okay to ask that question without being too suspicious? In the past I have said something along the lines of "Thats a really personal question. I have a lot of friends that have recently miscarried... what if you just asked me that right after I found out I was miscarrying? Or what if I just got yet another negative pregnancy test this morning?" and that seemed to do the trick but I can't say that to everyone... I was in a bad mood that day (i had just had my chemical pregnancy) and I felt bold, but as a general rule I'm not particularly bold, and quite honestly I think my answer was borderline rude (and I was okay with that that day). BUT then again I think the question to begin with is rude!

Anyways.. I hope I dont get flamed for this. I just dont want to give a dismissive answer to people. I want to make a point, but not be rude, and not be too honest.

mommymoore2011 · April 2011

People keep asking when I want to "try again" which makes me happy to know that people would like to see me be a mother, but I can't stand the idea of doing this (having a micarriage) again......... I now tell people "When we are ready we will try again, and you'll know because we'll tell you when we get pregnant, this will be an intimate time for us whenwe decide to try again and it's not anyone's business when we are making love to make a baby." Or something along those lines.

LIa0909 · April 2011

Hmmm, honestly, I would love to go with, "Shut the F*** up." But I understand thats not appropriate. I would encourage, in your situation, to stick with things like, "that's an awefully personal question."

Everyone knows our situation so I've just been responding with, "When we recover." or with people I am closer to, I will say, "Well I have some physical challenges to get past first and since there will be another major surgery for me to be successfully pregnant, its going to be quite some time."

I like mommymoore's suggestion of, "when we decide to try, you will know because I will tell you when I am pregnant." quite elegant.

1220winterbride · April 2011

First, I want to say I am so sorry about your losses.

I'm glad you asked this because I'm about to start telling people the truth. That my babies died & I can't try again til May. That should shut them up. Why is this such a taboo subject?

sorry to vent.

BabyBoyBlue · April 2011

Not everyone is comfortable with the religious answer - but my usual response is something along the lines of "It's in God's hands." It gets tweaked depending on the phrasing of the original question - for instance a co-worker asked me Wednesday when H and I would be ready for another and my response to him was that we would love a big family but it wasn't our decision to make. It got the point across quickly, effectively and I think politely - while also implying that the original question was too personal. Hope this helps.

DKC1308 · April 2011

LIa0909:
Hmmm, honestly, I would love to go with, "Shut the F*** up."

This. While adding " And back the F*** up off me." Not seriously.. but you get it. I hate that question or "When will you guys have kids?" I take a little bit more of offense to it only because of my cancer and the possibility that we will never have our own children. It is just RUDE RUDE RUDE!! And makes me want to scream "Just because we got married doesn't mean we HAVE to have children.. I am not obligated to reproduce."

I agree with mommymoore. Be polite and gracious.

Babymamawithdrama · April 2011

** siggy warning**

I keep it to "when we are ready, but that is for us (DH and I) to know"

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