anyone else feeling lonely?

Chels+pax · April 2011

well im now 12w 1d but this past week or two ive felt so lonely to the point of crying.

my dh and i spend most of our evenings together while watching t.v.,here lately its all we do tho we used to go do things and hang out like have lil date night ocassionally,now we havent.the last time he took me out and "we as a couple" didnt get to spend time together cuz it was with my whole family and that was a month ago?

He also likes to golf ,fish and go watch the local highschool ball games. its also gotten to the point this last week that i feel like thats all he thinks about or wants to do? so last night he wanted to go to a game and invited me to come but i just wasnt feeling it so he didnt go and before he could even walk in the door he was already asking to go golfing?

If i tell him i really dont want him to its like he gets this attitude or makes me feel bad for not letting him go. so he went golfing last night left RIGHT after dinner and got back at dark, while he was out i text him and just said "does it ever occur to you that i miss you" all he said was yes and sorry but i feel like he says sorry like that all the time to get me to shut up or something?

one more thing is i never do anything when im off work i always stay home 90% of the time try to be "the good wife" and clean house or something but he's always goin and doing something.

i just want to know if anyone else is feeling like this or their dh is being like this or if its just my hormones it was to the point of making me cry and being depressed last night i just miss HIM!

Qmommy · April 2011

I'm guessing it's hormones. Have you expressed this to him in a non-nagging way? Talk to him. I'm sure he's a reasonable guy. Tell him that you'd like to go on a romantic date this weekend.

When he makes plan outside of the house... you do something too! There is nothing the rule book that says you have to stay home to cook and clean while he goes golfing. Meet up with friends. Enjoy your time apart and then enjoy time together.

Chels+pax · April 2011

Qmommy:

I'm guessing it's hormones. Have you expressed this to him in a non-nagging way? Talk to him. I'm sure he's a reasonable guy. Tell him that you'd like to go on a romantic date this weekend.

When he makes plan outside of the house... you do something too! There is nothing the rule book that says you have to stay home to cook and clean while he goes golfing. Meet up with friends. Enjoy your time apart and then enjoy time together.

well i think ive tried to explain to him but he always takes it the wrong way ya know he loves me and i love him very much i just dont know how to let him know that i need him in such a way he's not understanding right now i guess? i dont know if this is his way of taking that he's gonna be a dad, like it hasnt really hit him yet ,you know how men take things differently? also thanks for your reply and being comforting about it i really appreciate it!

Janimal · April 2011

It sounds to me like you need some other ways to entertain yourself too. Of course you need time with your DH, but if being home 90% of the time is leaving you feeling lonely, then dammit girl change things! Being a "good wife" does not include being home all the time.

Have YOU made any plans for the 2 of you? Or are you waiting for him to do it? Pick out an activity you like and talk to him about it. Waiting for him to make the plans ALL the time isn't fair. Take charge!

Chels+pax · April 2011

Janimal:

It sounds to me like you need some other ways to entertain yourself too. Of course you need time with your DH, but if being home 90% of the time is leaving you feeling lonely, then dammit girl change things! Being a "good wife" does not include being home all the time.

Have YOU made any plans for the 2 of you? Or are you waiting for him to do it? Pick out an activity you like and talk to him about it. Waiting for him to make the plans ALL the time isn't fair. Take charge!

OK i will thank you i guess i was waiting on him,but i will just plan something for the 2 of us now. i think i wanted him to come up with something tho just so it would be more satisfying to me you know that he thought of it and wanted to take me out. but if i keep waiting i am gonna be in depression mode and i dont want that i know its not good for baby! thanks for the reply

SoEnamored · April 2011

There's something about most men and hobbies. They love their hobbies and need time to enjoy them. If golfing or going to games makes your husband happy and he is still with you most of the time, I say give him some latitude to play - with or without you. If you try to take that from him, he'll be miserable and will be doing what you want, not what he wants - not good for the marriage or baby. If my DH were gone ALL of the time, that would make me sad, but playing golf a few times a week makes him happy so he comes home happy and he appreciates me because I don't nag him and he has some guilt-free time to do what he loves.

Take advantage of the time that he's golfing to do some things that you enjoy: dinner with girlfriends, read a good book, take a community ed class, shop, whatever....

Also, like PP suggested, take charge, pretend like you're dating. I think that this is the "marriage is work" part of marriage. Come up with one fun thing to do per week - go to a game, cook together, go to a museum, go to a movie, go for a long walk, take a class of some sort.

Have some fun!

Enami · April 2011

Chels+pax:
Janimal:

It sounds to me like you need some other ways to entertain yourself too. Of course you need time with your DH, but if being home 90% of the time is leaving you feeling lonely, then dammit girl change things! Being a "good wife" does not include being home all the time.

Have YOU made any plans for the 2 of you? Or are you waiting for him to do it? Pick out an activity you like and talk to him about it. Waiting for him to make the plans ALL the time isn't fair. Take charge!
OK i will thank you i guess i was waiting on him,but i will just plan something for the 2 of us now. i think i wanted him to come up with something tho just so it would be more satisfying to me you know that he thought of it and wanted to take me out. but if i keep waiting i am gonna be in depression mode and i dont want that i know its not good for baby! thanks for the reply

You sound like you need some big girl friends... and some hobbies. I couldn't imagine dedicating 90% of my non-work/school time to being a little housewife (though I would LOVE to be a SAHM and homestead). But I'm actually the more social one of our couple. FI is pretty shy and socially awkward, I'm the one that goes out to the bars with friends. But we also have a lot of mutual friends we've met in college, and they're not the average college party crowd. Like a bar and dinner, but not getting shitty. So us having a group together makes it fun. Also, have you thought about picking up golf and going with him?

WhitneyZ11 · April 2011

I get a little lonely sometimes too, and I'm sure your hormones have just magnified your feelings about all of this. My husband is gone for 6 days and home 3 days, which doesn't work for a lot of people, but we have figured out how to make it suit f us. For instance I know my husband very well, and I know that when he comes home after his 6 straight days of 18-20 hours a day of working, he is dead on his feet so of course the first day he gets to sleep & relax, I also know that my husband is not a planner so I plan the dinners, outings, ect. and he has no problem coming along. And I know when I'm feeling really lonley that I can talk to him calmly and rationally explaining my feelings and he makes an effort to help. Now my hubby doesnt have too much time for hobbies but he does like working on cars, and I know that he likes to do that when ever he can, so about a year ago I started helping with it, and he loves it (some men wouldn't but I think we get enough time apart that he enjoys any time together). So my point is, have you considered maybe going golfing with him, it would get you out of the house and you would be with him, can't hurt to ask him if he would mind you coming along. I'm not saying don't let him have his time to do things with the guys, but planning a nice dinner or outing and giving him fair warning about it can't hurt, and who knows maybe he would like you to come golfing with him. Hope this helps, and I hope you get to feeling a little less lonely.

iverske9 · April 2011

I can understand partly what you are saying and his point too, he invites you out but you didn't feel like going which If you give a little than maybe he will too, and on a side note....DO NOT JUST STAY HOME because you expect him to do it. Go out, have fun with friends and family. Make him miss you...because honestly he probably just thinks you are nagging him (I am not saying I agree but that is how men see it). You shouldnt make him being around the only thing that brings happiness to you. You can be a good wife and have time for him and others too. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

Chels+pax · April 2011

Enami:
Chels+pax:
Janimal:

It sounds to me like you need some other ways to entertain yourself too. Of course you need time with your DH, but if being home 90% of the time is leaving you feeling lonely, then dammit girl change things! Being a "good wife" does not include being home all the time.

Have YOU made any plans for the 2 of you? Or are you waiting for him to do it? Pick out an activity you like and talk to him about it. Waiting for him to make the plans ALL the time isn't fair. Take charge!

OK i will thank you i guess i was waiting on him,but i will just plan something for the 2 of us now. i think i wanted him to come up with something tho just so it would be more satisfying to me you know that he thought of it and wanted to take me out. but if i keep waiting i am gonna be in depression mode and i dont want that i know its not good for baby! thanks for the reply

You sound like you need some big girl friends... and some hobbies. I couldn't imagine dedicating 90% of my non-work/school time to being a little housewife (though I would LOVE to be a SAHM and homestead). But I'm actually the more social one of our couple. FI is pretty shy and socially awkward, I'm the one that goes out to the bars with friends. But we also have a lot of mutual friends we've met in college, and they're not the average college party crowd. Like a bar and dinner, but not getting shitty. So us having a group together makes it fun. Also, have you thought about picking up golf and going with him?

yes your right i dont have much for friends but i already have a lil day planned for one of my friends and me to get our toes done nexct boy am i looking forward to it! on the other hand he wants me to golf but its just not me and i have tried to and SUCK big time at just swinging a club lol but i have went with him once and drove his cart for him but je was with 3 other guys and i just felt out of place or something. and me and him are opposite of you and your dh he's the social bug and im the more shy one but im gettin better. you've been a great help!

Chels+pax · April 2011

SoEnamored:

There's something about most men and hobbies. They love their hobbies and need time to enjoy them. If golfing or going to games makes your husband happy and he is still with you most of the time, I say give him some latitude to play - with or without you. If you try to take that from him, he'll be miserable and will be doing what you want, not what he wants - not good for the marriage or baby. If my DH were gone ALL of the time, that would make me sad, but playing golf a few times a week makes him happy so he comes home happy and he appreciates me because I don't nag him and he has some guilt-free time to do what he loves.

Take advantage of the time that he's golfing to do some things that you enjoy: dinner with girlfriends, read a good book, take a community ed class, shop, whatever....

Also, like PP suggested, take charge, pretend like you're dating. I think that this is the "marriage is work" part of marriage. Come up with one fun thing to do per week - go to a game, cook together, go to a museum, go to a movie, go for a long walk, take a class of some sort.

Have some fun!

thanks so much i really needed all this advice you ladies have given me i think im gonna see what movies are playin or somethin and see if he would like to go! thanks again these words of encouragement were great i already feel better!

Chels+pax · April 2011

WhitneyZ11:
I get a little lonely sometimes too, and I'm sure your hormones have just magnified your feelings about all of this. My husband is gone for 6 days and home 3 days, which doesn't work for a lot of people, but we have figured out how to make it suit f us. For instance I know my husband very well, and I know that when he comes home after his 6 straight days of 18-20 hours a day of working, he is dead on his feet so of course the first day he gets to sleep & relax, I also know that my husband is not a planner so I plan the dinners, outings, ect. and he has no problem coming along. And I know when I'm feeling really lonley that I can talk to him calmly and rationally explaining my feelings and he makes an effort to help. Now my hubby doesnt have too much time for hobbies but he does like working on cars, and I know that he likes to do that when ever he can, so about a year ago I started helping with it, and he loves it (some men wouldn't but I think we get enough time apart that he enjoys any time together). So my point is, have you considered maybe going golfing with him, it would get you out of the house and you would be with him, can't hurt to ask him if he would mind you coming along. I'm not saying don't let him have his time to do things with the guys, but planning a nice dinner or outing and giving him fair warning about it can't hurt, and who knows maybe he would like you to come golfing with him. Hope this helps, and I hope you get to feeling a little less lonely.

i cant say thank you enough im already feelin better just by reading these comforting words you ladies have posted thanks so much!

Chels+pax · April 2011

iverske9:
I can understand partly what you are saying and his point too, he invites you out but you didn't feel like going which If you give a little than maybe he will too, and on a side note....DO NOT JUST STAY HOME because you expect him to do it. Go out, have fun with friends and family. Make him miss you...because honestly he probably just thinks you are nagging him (I am not saying I agree but that is how men see it). You shouldnt make him being around the only thing that brings happiness to you. You can be a good wife and have time for him and others too. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

its not that i want to stay home all the time i want to go do somethings sometimes but i feel bad for some reason when i do go out? and i usually do go to the ball games with him it was just last night i wasnt expecting it to pop up like it did and i had been home cleaning up the house cuz it has been quite messy for the last 2 months lol im just now gettin my energy back to clean up so i had just sat down to rest when he asked if i wanted to go thats why i wasnt feelin it at that moment. but im so appreciative of ya'lls post it has already made me feel better to read some comforting words thank you

Chels+pax · April 2011

iverske9:
I can understand partly what you are saying and his point too, he invites you out but you didn't feel like going which If you give a little than maybe he will too, and on a side note....DO NOT JUST STAY HOME because you expect him to do it. Go out, have fun with friends and family. Make him miss you...because honestly he probably just thinks you are nagging him (I am not saying I agree but that is how men see it). You shouldnt make him being around the only thing that brings happiness to you. You can be a good wife and have time for him and others too. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

its not that i want to stay home all the time i want to go do somethings sometimes but i feel bad for some reason when i do go out? and i usually do go to the ball games with him it was just last night i wasnt expecting it to pop up like it did and i had been home cleaning up the house cuz it has been quite messy for the last 2 months lol im just now gettin my energy back to clean up so i had just sat down to rest when he asked if i wanted to go thats why i wasnt feelin it at that moment. but im so appreciative of ya'lls post it has already made me feel better to read some comforting words thank you

SoEnamored · April 2011

Also, remember that there is a difference between:

I miss you and I want you home with me because that's good for me

versus

I miss you but I still want you to have time to do what you enjoy because it makes you happy and that's good for you, for us

Mind you, I am not advocating that he should be able to go have fun without you all of the time. But you are both unique individuals who have different hobbies and interests and you should be able to keep those parts of you alive, even though you are married. Enjoy these hobbies and interests together by sharing and also on your own.

Unknown · April 2011

This content has been removed.

Chels+pax · April 2011

McRib:
Something about pregnancy makes me super needy to DH. I am normally independent and doing my own thing and happy about it. But when I am pregnant I want to be with DH all the time. It drives us both crazy. I think it must be hormones.

wow im am exactly like that i could handle being away from him throughout the day before pg but now i feel like i want to be with him all the time. thanks for the reply

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