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March 2011 Moms
Tell me if I'm stupid.
So I posted a while ago how I can't stand my MIL lately and that we had a really great relationship before I had my LO. I really didn't have an explanation for not wanting to be around her or let her hold Kindle.. but I might have figured it out. My mom has been telling me she thinks it's because she hasn't even asked how I felt since I gave birth..she's just completely consumed in Kindle. I didn't really think that was it until last night.
I had to go to my OB because I've been having a ton of pain in my breasts while pumping. MIL text me yesterday when I was about to leave town for the OB and asked how everything was. I told her I was on my way to the OB because I was having some boob problems. She said, "Oh gosh whats with the boobs?" And I said I wasn't sure that hopefully I'd find out.
She text me later last night and this is how our converation went:
Her: "what did the dr say?"
Me: "I have thrush"
Her: "So r u just feedign her forumula or are you on medicine?"
Me: "No I'm still pumping but I'm on meds"
Her: "Good didn't know if she could have it"
Me: "She's fine."
Ok. So, since you haven't asked me how I'm recovering since giving birth to an 8.5 pound baby...now would be an ok time to see if I am ok!!?? I mean.. don't get me wrong, Kindle is my first priority also.
I finally lost it last night. I told my husband how I felt. (Because he and I have even been having some issues because HE didn't even ask how I am doing/feeling since giving birth) I told him I feel used. That I feel like his whole family, him included, are grateful for their daughter/granddaughter and could pretty much tell me to go to hell now.
IDK..maybe I'm overreacting and my hormones are a mess still.. WDYT?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Tell me if I'm stupid.
My MIL is the same way. Even when I was pregnant, she seemed more concerned about her unborn grandchild than she was about me. Perfect example--- I got a horrible stomach bug on the day of my shower. But all she was worried about was whether the baby would be okay. And she was constantly worried about me driving, when she never had been before. Clearly, it was because she was worried that something might happen to her grandchild.
Now that DS is here, she's calling DH and I all the time, and all she wants to know is "how's Benjamin"? I know she's excited because he's her first grandchild and all, but it's kind of insulting because it seems like she only cares about him.
Oh and she makes it pretty clear that she doesn't like that I BF my LO... I think it's because when she comes over and I have to feed him that takes time away from her. She was so excited last time she was here when I had a bottle of pumped BM for him and she could feed him.
So yeah... I know how you feel. If you're being crazy and hormonal, then I guess I am too... because it's gotten to the point that I dread MIL coming over.
You are not stupid! I'm so sorry that you're being neglected. It's hard to go from being pregnant, always doted upon and taken care of, to being a mom and everyone wants to take care of the baby. I keep having to ask DH for a little extra TLC because I miss it and I need it - even though I know he's tired too!
As far as MIL is concerned, I don't know what it is but I feel very very possessive over DS whenever she's around. I haven't pinpointed this issues (some passive aggressiveness, some obsession with her son and grandson, etc) but I can tell you that after she's been here for more than 2 hours, I want to grab my child and kick her out. I posted about it and there were tons of women going through the same thing. I think it's natural. Hang in there and keep communicating with your DH - telling him exactly what you need and feel. You and your DD are his #1s, not his mom.
I'm sorry she's acting like that. Hopefully the conversation with your DH will make a difference.
For me, my ILs are super caring and helpful. It's my dad who is acting that way. He seems to only care about Annie, and doesn't ever ask me how I'm doing. It drives me crazy. He and my mom came up to visit last weekend and he kept saying how I was being mean because I wasn't letting them hold her (while I was breastfeeding). I was having a hard time even being civil to him by the time they left. A little while later he called to apologize to me (I'm sure my mom made him), but I will be shocked if his behavior changes.
Trust me you are not stupid...and if you are, we both are! My MIL lives 3000 miles away and still acts the same way. She is coming in a week or so to spend a week with us and I am absolutely dreading it to be honest. I am trying to stay optimistic, but its hard given the fact that she is pretty much acting the same way. She is only concerned with Morgan and it can get on your nerves. I think my biggest fear is that when she comes she will try and take over and be Morgans mom and I will totally loose it if that happens or she tries.
I talked with DH about it and he honestly understand because she often drives him crazy too. He told me I just need to be honest with her about how I feel. I dont know if I can do that though.
Sorry i guess I am not offering you much other than letting you know that you are not alone!
(lurking from April 2011)
Ladies - sorry for the intrusion - just trying to anticipate what I should look forward to.
I have a personal experience too on this topic -
My MIL did N O T come to my baby shower. WHY?
Because she doesn't like my mother.
Guess what - when my father died 3 weeks ago (parents were divorced) - she told my DH she was coming to the funeral to support me - I made him tell her my mother was going to be there. Guess who didn't show up?
This is *** she can never take back, that I will never forgive her for and she will be the one to suffer when she never sees her only grandchild.
you're not alone. my parents only refer to me as "mackenzie's mommy" and although i LOVE being her mommy it makes me feel like i'm not a person anymore.