- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Houston Babies
how do you explain surgery to your kid?
or do you bother? Addie has been freaking out lately if I get hurt. She jumped up the other day and slammed my nose (note to self, that old self defense move they say where you slam someone's nose back? it is really f'n painful). It brought tears to my eyes but I told her I was ok. She started sobbing. If I get any bump or scrape she freaks out. I had a pre-op appointment yesterday and came home with a band aid where they drew blood (I take a while to stop bleeding or I would have removed it), she was upset.
So next week I have to have surgery, they're doing 5 procedures at once but I can probably come home the same day. Addie will know something's up because she has to stay at my mom's the night before and my sister will have her all day. Also I'll be out of commission for a couple days recovery.
How would you explain it? Would you bother? I don't know if it's smarter to pretend nothing happened and she's just going to a sleepover.
-Clare
This discussion has been closed.
Re: how do you explain surgery to your kid?
I don't really have any advice for you, I would probably not say anything only because I wouldn't know what to say before hand and then answer her questions as best as possible after the fact.
I don't know what you're having surgery for, but you're in my thoughts.
I would let her know to just have her mentally prepared. To me it seems like the more I prepare Emmy for things ahead of time, the easier for her to adjust and understand when the time comes.
After being in the hospital for so long at bedrest, Emmy is very familiar with mommy being in the hospital and is always asking if I am going to the hospital when I get sick because she hates hospitals now. But after deliverying Ally, I did end up going to the ER but I explained to her that the hospital is trying to get mommy super healthy again so mommy can try to live a long time to see her grow big. So whatever you tell her, I would put a spin on it to give it a positive outcome.
I will be having surgery some time soon and have been thinking about this as well. I figured I would tell O something vague like:
"Mommy has an owie inside and the doctors have to fix it. They are going to make a little cut so they can reach in and make it all better. Then they'll sew me up like we did your bear and I will be just fine. But I'm going to be in bed for a few days and I won't be able to pick you or C up for a while. I need you to be a big boy and help daddy as much as possible. I'm also going to need a lot of hugs and kisses and you can lay in bed with me any time you want."
I imagine afterwards I will have to show him my wound as he seems to be fascinated with that. I plan to just tell C that I'm sick as she is way to young to understand. I'm sure O will ask lots of questions so I probably won't tell him until just before so he doesn't have too much time to think about it. And I'll be honest with him while stressing that I am going to be just fine and it is no big deal.
This sounds good! Maybe tell her that sometimes we have owies that can be fixed with band-aids, but sometimes we don't. See if there are any books out there that she could read.
I would say something. Sure she will be worried about you, but maybe set it up so that she gets to do something she usually doesn't that day. Like a special park or the zooe...that way she will think of you, but would be more focused on the fun thing she gets to do.
She sounds a lot like my kiddo. A is a total worrywart and stresses about everything. About once a month she'll start crying because she knows I'm going to die someday and even if she's older when it happens, she will miss me so much. It's tough to know how to handle her worries sometimes.
I would tell her ahead of time to get her prepared and make it sound like no big deal. "I have to go to the doctor on Thursday to fix something inside of me and then I can come back home when I'm all better." If you think you might need to stay overnight just tell her that you can't come home until you're 100% better, so you may have to have a sleepover there, but probably not. I would give her as many details as possible without scaring her, that way she has more of an idea what is going on so her imagination won't get the best of her.
I hope everything goes well with your surgery!
Collin Thayne 10.11.2010
I knew you ladies would have great ideas! Savannah that sounds like a perfect way to explain it. I may not show her the scars though -they're going in through my bellybutton and my lady garden-I don't need to traumatize her with that just yet!
I hope your surgery goes well too.
When doing an HSG they found a large mass blocking my cervix. My dr is concerned so she's going in after it, they're also doing a few other procedures since they'll be in there anyway.
I think it depends on your kid. Our older son almost requires full disclosure; he's too perceptive. It upsets him more and causes more anxiety if he doesn't know what's happening and figures out something is up.
This was true when he was having surgery himself, getting shots, or having allergy testing.
For us with the way our son reacts, I would tell him -- although if I could get away with an after-the-fact telling, that would be better. No needless anxiety. Tough call.
We have had great success with the They Might Be Giants Here Comes the Science CD/DVD. It explains the "blood mobile," about how the body works, and talks about infectious germs in a way that helps us approach how the body heals with our son who is four. It is very advanced information in a package that works for a much younger set. We get away with so much (from shots to surgery) based on that song...
Praying that everything goes well and you heal quickly.
Does the hospital have a childrens unit? At our hospital we have child developmentalist who specialize in talking to kids about surgery and other procedures. If they do maybe you can ask to have them talk to your daughter about surgery, they have the best ways of explainig medical things to kids of all ages. At our hospital they are called Child Life Specialist.
Good Luck